There was not denying that Cisco was right. He couldn't beat Zoom, there was no way to beat Zoom, he had something over Paco that he could never describe, something primal and irrational. He was afraid of Zoom. Of that coldness, that dead heart that he had, the fact that he could do that to him and Hart without remorse. He didn't know what they had, he didn't understand it and then suddenly, he wanted it himself. And to have to watch him pine and yearn for something from that Killer Frost lookalike here, like he knew love, like he could understand it somehow. It hurt. He just couldn't ever understand. He didn't deserve it. Paco wanted so badly to hurt him but every time he thought about it, really thought about it, the fear seized him and he always froze up. It happened when Zoom came at him last time.
Paco did everything right as his second in command, he did everything he could to please Zoom and that was where it got him? No, he knew what Hunter would have said, that this is where emotions got him. Zoom always warned him not to feel, not to fall for anything and there he went, falling for Hart. He felt a crushing weight in his chest that got worse and worse with every minute, it was like he'd taken a step back into a nightmare he'd only just escaped. He was where he once had been again, knowing that Hart was alive and so close, wanting him to come and being unable to do anything about it.
It was that feeling of being powerless that hurt the most.
Paco let go and took a few steps away, he didn't say anything for a while but the breach had closed itself without someone maintaining and he was making no move to open it again. "I need him back. I need him to be safe." Paco said finally as he took a deep breath, trying desperately to compose himself. "He doesn't like being alone. He was always alone and I--" He paused and swallowed hard, feeling tears build in his eyes. Fuck. "I always promised he'd never have to live like that again. I keep... I keep letting him down. I failed." Again and again, he always failed where it counted. Hart.
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Date: 2016-11-08 08:16 pm (UTC)Paco did everything right as his second in command, he did everything he could to please Zoom and that was where it got him? No, he knew what Hunter would have said, that this is where emotions got him. Zoom always warned him not to feel, not to fall for anything and there he went, falling for Hart. He felt a crushing weight in his chest that got worse and worse with every minute, it was like he'd taken a step back into a nightmare he'd only just escaped. He was where he once had been again, knowing that Hart was alive and so close, wanting him to come and being unable to do anything about it.
It was that feeling of being powerless that hurt the most.
Paco let go and took a few steps away, he didn't say anything for a while but the breach had closed itself without someone maintaining and he was making no move to open it again. "I need him back. I need him to be safe." Paco said finally as he took a deep breath, trying desperately to compose himself. "He doesn't like being alone. He was always alone and I--" He paused and swallowed hard, feeling tears build in his eyes. Fuck. "I always promised he'd never have to live like that again. I keep... I keep letting him down. I failed." Again and again, he always failed where it counted. Hart.