{My double vision gets the best of me

[myheadisaprison]

PSL with viber + mostlyajerk

Comments

waaaay back when

[mostlyajerk]

You do realise that you don't have to pick me up every day, don't you? [Hart certainly isn't complaining, but he does consider it worth pointing out. It's always a little unsettling, to say goodbye to his colleagues while walking up to his boyfriend, who nobody knows is Reverb. It's strange how much the glasses change him.

Hart stops in front of him, lifting his arms so he can put his hands on his shoulders.]

But I'm glad.

[viber]

I don't. I just want to.

[He didn't do anything he didn't want to but he liked doing this, waiting for Hart to come out and see the way he smiled when he saw him. Whether or not he thinks Paco is an idiot for doing it, he still lets him do it and he never seems to mind. The opposite, actually. He always seems pleased and the fact that he can pull from that Hart makes him smile all the same.

He looks at Hart and leans forward, stealing a kiss.] I like walking you home. These streets aren't entirely safe, you know? Mostly because of me but that just means I know the situation first hand.

[mostlyajerk]

I was going to say, you're the danger here. [Not that he is feeling very threatened, but then, being kissed would do that to him. He reaches up so he can run his fingers through Paco's hair, careful not to mess with his knot.] Are we just going home?

[Justified question, every now and then Paco had other plans and Hart likes to prepare himself for that eventuality.]

[viber]

I'm only a danger to those I don't care about. I guess you're just lucky.

[Paco nods his head in the direction they plan to walk and waits for Hart to follow before he starts walking properly.] I had other plans if you're feeling up for it but tell me now if you're tired, we can head back first. [He doesn't mind, he never minds what they do. As long as work never mixes with pleasure, he is pretty chill about everything. From the way he was and the way he spoke, it'd be as if nothing bothered him.]

{Training Sessions

[thisismadfreaky]

Training with Reverb has gone about exactly as well as Cisco had expected: It sucks. But he can't deny that it's actually helpful, too. Gaining something like insight and understanding of his powers almost seems to be toning down some of the fears he has tied to them. He's still nowhere near his double's level of confident with his powers, but it's a step up from where he had been and at this point, he'll take every inch he can gain.

Unfortunately, they still haven't been all that successful in rerouting the trigger response.

"Jesus Christ!" And sometimes Paco's tactics just scared the hell out of him, without anything at all useful coming from it. He kicks something across the ground in the space they've taken, irritated and exhausted because they've been at this forever. "Do we ever get beyond this, cause I'm over it already." He huffs, arms folded across his chest. So what if this was only the second or third time they've done one of these stupid sessions. Instant gratification is better, okay?

[viber]

It was so easy to scare the hell out of Cisco. Yesterday, he simply came through the door too swiftly and shocked him so much, he yelped and dropped what he'd been working on. It was shocking how high a pitch he could hit. Other times, he went for more emotional torment, he had vibed a few things from him at this point and he knew little tricks and trips to get him to panic or freak out. Sometimes it was as simple as jabbing at his chest under the guise of wanting his attention. Seemed like they both had a pretty traumatic time around speedsters.

Good to know the universe was consistent.

"You've barely done anything. Except whine. You whine a lot." It was fortunate that he was feeling very patient, usually his temper would have made him at least hit Cisco by now but instead, he found himself strangely amused by this version of himself. "Are you feeling anything? Like a sensation like a pull or a tug? Sometimes that's what it's like for me."

[thisismadfreaky]

Some of those tactics were borderline cruel if you asked Cisco. Particularly, any time he tried to use Thawne against him. He's pretty surr if he does too much more of that one, Hartley's gonna give him the what-for, though. Maybe he won't have to worry about that again-- not that Cisco's holding his breath.

His eyes cut toward Paco in a narrow glare. Maybe it seems like nothing to him because this is all so far behind him at this point, but dammit, most of this is still brand new to Cisco. The look fades as he shifts out of the Haughty Little Brother mode and gets a little more serious again. "Kind of... it's more like a flutter, like pulsating kinda? So that's normal..?"

{Don’t wait up for me, I've got a restless mind

[thisismadfreaky]

After the vibe he'd had earlier during training with Paco, and everything that unfolded in the aftermath of it, Cisco can't sleep. Even if logically he knows that's what he needs, that they can't do anything right here, right now, at 2:07 in the morning before they've put all the pieces together or figured out anything like a plan. But knowing that doesn't make it any easier to shut his mind off.

Hartley isn't getting any more sleep than he is, though, if not due to his own worries, at least because of Cisco's tossing and turning and stubborn sticking it out of trying to make himself go to sleep. If he refuses to get up and admit defeat, sleep will win, right?

But no. It just doesn't work that way.

He's staring up at the ceiling like maybe it would have all the answers, but it's as unhelpful as anything else is right now. He groans, annoyed, frustrated, and presses his palms to his eyes. "This is impossible. I can't stop thinking about it." The look on Paco's face when he realized Cisco wasn't fucking with him, the fact that someone thought to be dead never was, the idea of Zoom holding him captive for who knows how long now. And he can't stop thinking about how much worse he'd feel if the situation was on his shoulders more directly, if it was his Hartley trapped in some psycho's lair.

[viber]

"That's because you focus on the actual vibes instead of anything else. It's interesting really, that you for for visions above all else. You can literally disrupt the speedforce and all you do with that power is vibe." He frowned and cocked his head to the side as he slowly considered the situation and how exactly he could change that. Negative feels caused him to see things but they didn't cause much else, maybe it was something else that trigger the other powers like threat or danger? He started to slowly circle Cisco, debating his next move.

"Has fear always lead to vibes or anything else? Have you ever used any other part of your power?" He was curious if it was worth trying something outside of scaring him just to see where this went.

[mostlyajerk]

It's not as if Hartley ever sleeps all that much, he's more prone to staying up all night and then drinking ungodly amounts of coffee to eventually have to admit defeat and fall asleep in the most uncomfortable positions in the strangest places. But being with Cisco and sleeping with him was also helping with actual sleeping and had done wonders for his sleep schedule, not that he'd admit to that. So he had been at least half-asleep, until the incessant turning and tossing by his side gets to him.

He's mostly awake and so when Cisco groans and actually speaks - if clearly to himself, he decides to finally turn to his side so he could look at Cisco. Not that he could make out much in the dark and without his glasses on, but he is used to terrible vision, so he can address his boyfriend's blurry shape and reach out to pet his hair. "What's up, Cisquito?"

His voice is soft and he speaks Spanish, as usual when it's just them.

[thisismadfreaky]

"Yeah, well, they're kind of distracting." He points out, arms still firmly across his chest. "And I think we've established I don't know what I'm doing." He turns his head to watch as Paco circles him. He can't stop it, the reaction is practically automatic, not allowing anyone to catch him with his back turned.

"Well, I opened that breach...which ended up being a terrible plan." That had ended up in Wally being kidnapped, and Cisco couldn't help feeling like that rested on his shoulders as much as anyone else's.

[thisismadfreaky]

For awhile, he doesn't answer, mostly because he doesn't know how to. There's a hundred answers to that question and he isn't sure which is more accurate. Maybe they all are, in their own ways. He turns onto his side and curls into Hartley, hiding his face against his shoulder and not doing much more than just...lay there, taking him in, appreciating the soft thud of his heart in his ear, the warmth of his boyfriend next to him. And as much of a comfort as it all is, he almost feels so goddamn guilty for it all. Because these are the things Paco and Hart have been entirely without for however long it's been, in addition to the assumptions of being dead which is just salt in an already painful wound. How is that fair?

"I just can't stop thinking about it." he finally answers, head still resting against Hartley's shoulder. "How long has he even been there? And how terrified he must be, helpless, hopeless of every getting away or being rescued while he was thought to be dead. And it's scary to think how easily they could be us, with the right strings pulled." He shakes his head a little, "I don't know what I would do if anything ever happened to you."

He's not even entirely sure how Paco is holding himself together. Maybe he's not, but he's quieter about those sorts of things, locked it away for himself...or used it and turned it into something else entirely.

[mostlyajerk]

"From the sounds of it, you'd not be getting any sleep." Not really the time for jokes, but it's less an attempt of lightening the mood than gallows' humour shining through, while he curls a strand of Cisco's hair around his finger and gives it the lightest of tugs before releasing it so he can return to just petting it. What can he really say? He doesn't know the answer to any of the questions Cisco is asking. "I'm here, Cisquito. 'What if' won't help anyone, my doppelgänger or Paco. It will just make you sleep-deprived."

A fair assessment, given the tossing and turning tonight. "It's not us. Earth 2 is a very different place. Very post-apocalyptic and authoritarian, isn't it? With Zoom running around and a meta-human watch ensuring that no one with powers is allowed to lead a life away from him. Maybe there's an Earth out there where we're in even worse shape, one where we're actually dead. Maybe there's one where we're fluffy cats sleeping all day. Doesn't matter. I know your power gives you wider vision than anyone else has, but you have to focus on being yourself. We'll need that to help my doppelgänger."

[thisismadfreaky]

He manages a stiff smile, he knows it's not exactly a joke, but it's such an obvious thing it almost is funny, in a sad way. The smallest tension eases from his shoulders at Hartley's fingers in his hair. "Yeah, I know, but..." But. He didn't know how to stop it. If he did, he would have a lot less nights like this one, where he just can't shut everything down and off. Cisco has always been really good at letting his thoughts run wild and not so much at reigning them back in.

The points he's making are so...logical and sound and it's kind of annoying the way he can do that, even when things are amped up to eleven. But Cisco's glad that he can, that he does because someone needs to be able to and it's obviously not him. He feels too much, too deeply, gets too damn sentimental to be the logical one, so Hartley gets to be the anchor in that. "Earth 2 freaking sucks." All because of Zoom and his stupid reign of terror. He doesn't like thinking about the worse off options and his nose wrinkles at the mention of it, "Are you sure about that?" Because sometimes Cisco just isn't all that confident in the hand he has to put in this fight.

[mostlyajerk]

"Yes, Earth 2 sucks. Ironic, isn't it? That our fake Wells was actually better at taking responsibility for his actions, partly by choosing to focus on the hero he intended to create?" They're still reenacting Eobard's plan, to whatever degree. Hartley wonders how aware the others are of that. He also wonders how aware they are that Zoom is an effect of the other Wells' actions, not the one that caused it all.

He doesn't always mind Harry. Sometimes he almost finds himself wanting his respect, the way he'd once been eager for Eobard's affections. But maybe it's the bitterness that came with everything Eobard has done or maybe it's just his inherent cynicism, but it's difficult to trust a man who fails so spectacularly at owning up to his own mistakes and even at caring, unless it intimately concerns him, like his daughter's fate did. Not a bad man, not an evil man, but not a very good one either, in his estimate.

But this all might be a bit too heavy to discuss with a sleep-deprived and worried Cisco and so for a while he just focused on holding him, ducking his head so he could nuzzle the side of his neck. "All I'm sure about is you, Cisquito. I trust in you. If we go in, knowing what we're doing, we can do anything."

[thisismadfreaky]

He hums a noncommittal noise that's not quite either agreement or disagreement, just...existing. It is what it is, and apparently there's just something about having that face that makes a person a little more deplorable, whatever the varied level it may take on one versus another. He likes Harry, sometimes, but he can't deny the guy's made some seriously terrible decisions. And Thawne, well...Cisco never much wants to talk about him at all, for obvious reasons.

It's a little ridiculous the way that nickname makes him smile like an idiot these days when there was a time when it did nothing more than annoy the hell out of him. He enjoys the cuddly actions, though, and sighs in something bordering on contentment, if not quite. "I wish I had half the faith in myself you seem to have in me." He doesn't say it out of pity or anything, but a genuine statement. That's been a downfall of his for a long time, with the only thing he had any real confidence in being his job. The manifestation of his powers had just been a sudden reminder of how out of his depth he can get. "But I think you're right...at least, that we can do anything, together."

[viber]

"So you can see and send messages? You're basically a living skype. You're not going to be very useful against Zoom like that." Paco stood in front of Cisco finally and faced the target they'd been using for their little practises. A cardboard cut out of Cisco pulling a stupid face, he didn't even want to know why, that was just leaning against the wall taking an innocent time out. He held out his hand and focused, aiming at it and within seconds, the cardboard exploded in the middle and the whole thing pretty much just crumpled in on itself. "Not only is the blast strong but it effects the speedforce. You're as much tied in to it as Barry is. You can slow down a speedster before they can come at you but you need perfect focus for it."

And that was why, in the final moments of Hart's life, he'd failed. How was he supposed to focus on the task when his emotions were all over the place? He turned his head to Cisco and then, without warning, he swiftly shot his hand out and grabbed Cisco by the throat, squeezing it hard but attempting not to do any real damage..

"I got you, Francisco." Paco smirked darkly as he used his other hand to grab any offending limbs trying to wrench him off. "I got you now. What are you going to do about it? I'd do something before I crush your windpipe. I could. Easily." He was trying to get fear from Cisco. To get a reaction. He wanted Cisco to fight back and channel that fear, he was hoping a real threat might actually provoke it. "If you die, you die. There's a multiverse out there, always more of us to play with. I don't need you if you're this useless."

[thisismadfreaky]

Living Skype. Wow, thanks, Paco. He definitely doesn't have enough insecurity in his powers, and that's absolutely helping. What a great and patient teacher. Not. "Thanks for that," he mutters with a vague wave of his hand. "Perfect focus. Great. Cause that's always super easy in high stress situations."

He was so busy being sarcastic toward his twin he was caught completely off-guard when suddenly Paco's fingers wrap around his throat and squeeze. Suddenly, he's certain that everything he'd thought was wrong. It was all some twisted lie to get him in exactly this situation. And Cisco had stupidly allowed himself to walk right into it. But Hartley was in on this too and for all that Cisco let himself be sweet-talked by people at times, Hartley didn't, so how did-- Right, breathing, breathing would be nice. He should probably stop the one trying to close off his air supply.

"I'm not... useless," he manages to choke out. He's working on jerking his hand out of Paco's other one so he can wriggle free from his grip when it hits. That woo-woo shock of a vibe that kind of makes it feel like the whole world tilts until the scene fades into view.

[mostlyajerk]

The vibe is unfocused at first, just sentence fragments and screams. Hartley's voice, Hart's voice and finally it's showing.

The scene that plays out is clearly in Paco's past. But the vibe doesn't end here. The scene shifts, changes and when it focuses again, it's dark.

There's a cage and someone sitting inside it. Hart is alone, of course he is. He is alone, the only light in the room comes from the cracks in the door. Same as always. He pulls on the chain around his neck, pulling out the ring he hides under his shirt. There it sits on his palm, still looking the same. As if there aren't stains of Paco's blood on the shirt he wears over it. They have made the rings themselves, naturally. He wonders what has happened to Paco's. Maybe he's been buried with it. Maybe Dante would have kept it? It seems like something he would do. Sentimental and not letting anyone know.

He traces a finger along the inside of the ring, feeling the inscription. The light isn't good enough for him to read it, but it isn't as if he doesn't have it memorised.

Before meeting Paco, he hadn't believed he'd ever find someone to love. He'd believed it even less after meeting him, given how much more difficult being stalked by Reverb made going on dates.

He thinks back to the first time he had just stepped close and taken off Paco's glasses. The vulnerability he found in his eyes that day had cut through him. Paco looked at him as if he had the power to shatter him, not the other way round.

There had been a time when he had tried to keep count of the days that passed. It was easier back when Zoom would still take him out every now and then to show him to Paco. At the time, that had been the worst. Now it is the fondest memory that still feels real. He remembers the last time Paco has touched him. He remembers tasting his tears and hearing him promise that he'd save him.

Surely there had been a time when he hadn't been terrified of Zoom, when he hadn't been his captive, but those memories don't feel real.

Of course, Zoom doesn't take him out anymore. Not since he'd faked his death. Zoom had liked telling him how evil Paco was after that. What horrible things he'd do, just because he'd been ordered or even just to make people suffer.

It was better to remember the taste of tears when he'd last kissed him.

But then there was the day when Zoom came with blood on his hand. Hartley remembers that very well. Lifted up by his throat, that bloody hand forced into his mouth so he was gagging on it and then he told him what he'd done to Paco.

He doesn't really recall what the kisses had been like now. He just remembers the taste of blood and he has no idea how much time had passed since then. He suspects that the only reason he is still alive is that he wishes he could be dead. Zoom thinks this is fun.

Hart closes his eyes and wishes that he had a fraction of Paco's powers, only enough to at least see him once more. It doesn't matter that he is crying. He is alone.

[viber]

"You seem pretty useless, you pathetic-- oh great." Well, this was pointless. He'd hoped to provoke an actual reaction that was physical not a vibe and here they were, with Cisco's eyes partially rolled back and wide, clearly mid-vibe. This was clearly going to be a painful thing to teach Cisco to do. He let go of his neck but kept a grip of him so he didn't fall down.

Was he... was he vibing him? Fuck. He hated people seeing into his past. "Okay, that's enough." He gave Cisco a swift rough shake. "Wake up!"

[thisismadfreaky]

The scene that plays out before him is...painful to witness. Zoom is as deplorable as anyone could ever be, Paco's on his knees begging him to leave Hartley alone. And Hartley... looking so small and broken, it breaks his heart to see him like that. Even a different one, that he never knew. But, God, why does he have to see this, what good does it do for him to see this almost-final moment between them?

But there's another shift in the world as a new scene fades into view. Hartley looks worse now than he did before. Smaller. Weaker. More sad and broken. It's a vice in his chest that makes it hard to breathe. Seeing him like this, even a different version who isn't his, hurts. He wants to just gather him up and yank him out of that place and find a way to make things right again.

Cisco's heart is hammering in his chest and he's frozen until suddenly his name is ripped from his throat, "Ha-Hartley?" He can't help it, calling out to him. His voice shaking. It's too much. It's too real. Because it is real.

[mostlyajerk]

The voice is familiar but different and Hart looks up, recognising the sign of someone vibing. Of course he does, he was married to Reverb. His hand tucks the ring back under his shirt without even thinking about it, because there's a reason they had always worn their rings as necklaces, other than how a ring on his hand messed with Paco's powers. Nobody could know about him, nobody could know the weakness. For all the good that hasn't done.

His eyes focus on Cisco and not even for a second does he delude himself into thinking it's Paco. Paco doesn't talk like that. Paco never wears his hair like that or dresses like that. Paco's emotions don't show themselves like that and Paco is more built than this doppelgänger. Paco is dead. This isn't Paco.

Just another him from another world. Hart is a scientist and he's studied Paco's power, he has helped him with his glasses. He understands.

"Where--" He interrupts himself to cough. He hasn't talked in a while, his throat is dry. Not much to drink here. "Pardon me." Paco would have mocked him for being polite even now. "Where are you from?"

[thisismadfreaky]

He's speaking. To him. Hart is speaking to Cisco right now and doesn't that mean this has to be in the now, current, not a past vibe of something already done because that's how it works, right? You can't change anything in the past, but you can interact with the present and oh, God. Oh, fuck.

His head is spinning as he tries to process this, but he finds his voice quick enough, worried about how quick this might end. "A different earth. Earth-1. Our worlds are freakishly parallel, actually, but--" He shakes his head. He doesn't have time for that. His voice shakes with the swirl of emotions coursing through him as he launches into whatever the next best explanation he can get out is.

"I'm not as good at this as Paco, I don't know how long this will last, but whatever you've been told is probably a lie, okay? Because we thought-- he thought you were gone and- and-- we're gonna save you. Okay? I don't care what it takes or what has to happen, we're gonna find a way. He's gonna be able to keep his promise to you, one way or another." His words come in a rapid-fire jumble that's probably not the easiest to keep up with, and he doesn't care how awkward and invasive that admission, to knowing that, seeing that moment even is right now. Worst first introduction ever.

[mostlyajerk]

"You're confused." Hart's voice is gentle, it almost always is, a constant like Hartley's sarcasm. He watches Cisco, that familiar stranger, and tries to follow along with what he is saying. Does he not know that Paco is gone? It appears that way. Looking around he shifts, not really able to get any closer. There's a collar around his neck that keeps him in place. "Don't put yourself in danger. He was standing right there when I was "killed". He wasn't fast enough to stop it. He wasn't good enough to find me. He couldn't keep me safe. What do you think anyone else in the world could do? In any world?"

His faith in Paco has always been strong above all. It still is. Time has just proven that Paco wasn't strong enough. And if he couldn't, nobody could.

[thisismadfreaky]

"No, no I'm not." He shakes his head. Later, when he has time to think all this through, he's going to note those subtle, but big differences, but right now, he's more focused on getting him to understand. "He's here, he's with me, he's been trying to help me. Zoom has been trying to steal my best friend's speed and take over the multiverse like the fracking psycho he is and-- Paco's been helping me and I'm gonna help him get you out of there. Please, you have to believe me, we're gonna find a way."

Cisco's desperate, and he sounds it, because he can't stand the idea of any version of Hartley like this. He needs to be somewhere safe, where he can be protected and know he's loved. And that place is at Paco's side, and Cisco's determined to get him there.

"Is there anything at all you can tell me about where you are?" Any tiny piece of information he might be able to offer might be enough.