It's too much. Too much. Making up rules doesn't help. Assurances that he wasn't presenting the idea with the intent of hurting him don't help the way the sense of rejection coils like steel bands around his chest, suffocating him. Leonard wants him as his partner. He just doesn't want him as his lover.
After all these years it's a bitter fucking pill to swallow, no matter what the cause might be.
"I know," he whispers. Because this wasn't a fight with angry words and barbs intending to rile one another up. Leonard could be an asshole but he'd never been unnecessarily cruel to Mick in all the years they'd known one another.
And while it might not be fair to ask him to wait, to keep pushing him off, Mick isn't sure it's any better to tell him he can go elsewhere for what he needs and come home like nothing had changed between them.
"How can I do that to you?" A broken plea that sounds far weaker than he wants it to. "Go off and come back like nothing happened. I can't. I can't." It's only that loyalty that's kept it from happening in the past, from Mick giving in and accepting a random pass at a bar or even paying for a night or two and even with permission given, he's not sure he can do it and come back to Leonard like nothing had happened, like nothing had changed.
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Date: 2018-02-22 04:20 pm (UTC)Making up rules doesn't help. Assurances that he wasn't presenting the idea with the intent of hurting him don't help the way the sense of rejection coils like steel bands around his chest, suffocating him.
Leonard wants him as his partner.
He just doesn't want him as his lover.
After all these years it's a bitter fucking pill to swallow, no matter what the cause might be.
"I know," he whispers. Because this wasn't a fight with angry words and barbs intending to rile one another up. Leonard could be an asshole but he'd never been unnecessarily cruel to Mick in all the years they'd known one another.
And while it might not be fair to ask him to wait, to keep pushing him off, Mick isn't sure it's any better to tell him he can go elsewhere for what he needs and come home like nothing had changed between them.
"How can I do that to you?" A broken plea that sounds far weaker than he wants it to. "Go off and come back like nothing happened. I can't. I can't." It's only that loyalty that's kept it from happening in the past, from Mick giving in and accepting a random pass at a bar or even paying for a night or two and even with permission given, he's not sure he can do it and come back to Leonard like nothing had happened, like nothing had changed.