myheadisaprison | {I might be lost, but I'm not a lost cause

Things had been good.
Which naturally meant that something had to come and shatter that peace, the few moments of happiness he had with Leonard.

He blinks at the question, at the way Leonard hesitates. He's all wrong, all stiff and awkward and Mick hates it instantly. But he stuffs it all down and steps aside. "Yeah. Yeah of course."

Mick closes the door behind him. "I got beer in the fridge, some leftovers if you want." Even now still needing to look after him, take care of him.

Edited 2018-01-04 02:48 (UTC)

He steps inside, hands shoved in his jean pockets as he moves into the living room to perch on the arm of the couch like it's actually comfortable. "I'm good," he shakes his head a little at the offer. "Thanks, though."

He isn't even sure what he's doing here. But it'd been a week and he'd gone total cold shoulder on him and... Leonard wanted to fix it. Except things were weird. Because he was making them that way, probably, or it was all in his head, but still.

He doesn't even know what to say, so he kind of ends up just sitting there, weirdly pathetic-looking, with his lips pressed together, looking over at Mick, looking every bit as lost as he feels.

Mick would cheerfully break every bone in Lewis Snart's body for moments like this. When Leonard had been forced into ignoring him for an entire week, when he's sitting there looking lost and unsure with the one person he never should feel lost with.

He's hated the distance between them. Hated a week without hearing Lisa's laughter or being able to reach out and touch Leonard's hand and know that it was okay. That he didn't mind it.

But with his hands shoved in his pockets, folded in on himself like that, it's not like Mick can even offer a touch to ground him. "Lenny.."
God he's bad at this. He doesn't know what to say that won't wind up sounding stupid. Needy. Weak. "Can stay away from the house. If it'll make it easier."

Right. Because what they need is more distance. Good job Rory.

There's a flicker of something across his face just this side of stricken, like that was the last thing he expected Mick to suggest. He opens his mouth like he might say something, but snaps it shut again and drops his gaze to his shoes. Did that mean Mick wanted to stay away? People have a bad habit of making something sound like a choice when it was really just a subtle push into the direction they wanted to go.

But that doesn't really sound like Mick.
Leonard's just getting lost in his own head again.

But knowing that doesn't stop the question from falling out of his mouth anyway, "Is that what you want?" He still doesn't look up. He's not sure he wants to see the look on Mick's face when he tells him this is the beginning of how they end. Because how can he ask Mick to keep putting himself in that house, risk him, both of them, and keep expecting it to all turn out okay?

Guilt flares hot in the pit of his stomach at the look on his face. Other people might hurt Leonard but never him. He's supposed to be the one looking out for him. Protecting him when he can.

Mick closes the distance between them. Rests his hands on Leonard's elbows because he can't reach his hands and he wants some kind of contact to make damn sure that there are no misunderstandings this time. "No. Jesus Christ no Lenny. I'd kidnap both of you out of that house forever if I could. Run and never look back." But that's not what Leonard wants.

"But I don't want to be the reason your old man gives you more shit." His hands squeeze briefly. "If you want me there, you know I'll come."

His head snaps up when Mick touches him, while his emphatic denial touches Leonard in all of the squishy places he likes to pretend don't exist. He can't stop the smile that breaks across his face. "Okay. Good."

"I don't wanna put you in that situation. With Lewis." He bites his lip and considers it all for a moment, debating how much he should say about exactly how he feels. And then decides that's stupid because this is Mick and he shouldn't have to ever hide anything from him. "But I don't want you to stop coming around, either." It feels selfish to admit, and that's probably a bit of why he didn't want to admit it.

A small smile as he tips his forehead to Leonard's. Just a brief moment of closeness. By god he's going to stick to his promise of going slow even if it kills him.

And it probably will.

"Then I keep coming around. Hell with him." Because Leonard is what he needs, who he needs. Him and his baby sister. "Always Lenny." No matter what, Mick will stick close. He'll never leave him.

That smile finds its way back on his face when Mick leans forward to press their foreheads together. There's something weird and fluttery in his stomach when Mick does things like that. "Good."

His eyes drop for a second before leveling at Mick again, "So...that means we're good, right?" he slips one hand out of his pocket, fumbling and a little awkward as he reaches for Mick's, tangling their fingers together.

And the things Mick Rory will do to see that smile.
The want to just close the distance and kiss him is damn near overwhelming, but Mick doesn't press for it. He simply pulls back a little with an easy smile of his own.

His heart might be trying to claw its way out of his chest when Leonard fumbles for his hand and he grips it easily, a quiet chuckle breaking free. "Yeah Lenny. You and me? We're always gonna be okay. Always."

Leonard doesn't want to think about what it would mean to lose that kind of promise. He wants to just hold onto it, and hope like hell that it never tarnishes or turns to something worse.

"I just... I need--" This. You. He worries his lip between his teeth again and drops his eyes to their fingers linked together like it's the most natural thing in the world and squeezes Mick's fingers in his own. Like that finishes the sentences he barely started.

"You got me." A promise. An unshakeable one as he follows Leonard's eyes down to where their hands are linked together. He'd all but admitted to Leonard that he was in love with him, that he'd always be in love with him and he hadn't run. Hadn't turned him away or been made uncomfortable by the idea.

So what the hell kind of friend would he be if he turned and ran just because Leonard's old man was a homophobic asshole?

"I ain't gonna run."

"Good." He says, looking back up at him again. It's the sort of thing that he needed to hear in the ache of a week gone without even one ounce of contact when they'd gotten used to not going more than a handful of days.

"I gotta go get Lise soon," Reality always has a way of ruining moments like this. But. "We'll come by this weekend?" Unless something came up and Lewis ruined his plans like he was famous for doing. But he'd try anyway.

Mick doesn't want him to go, not so soon, not after a week of silence and distance. But he nods all the same. "Yeah. Yeah this weekend sounds good."

His kitchen is all but fucking bare, but he'll find a way to scrape together a few bucks before then. "I'll be here Lenny."

"You better." he teases lightly, and as he untangles his fingers from Mick's and prepares to leave there's this sudden, overwhelming urge to lean over and kiss him. He hesitates, and there's every bit of evidence that something is going on in his head, but he lets go of whatever it is in an instant and forces a smile that doesn't look forced at all, "So, this weekend, then." he reiterates with a nod before heading toward the door. Leaving it like this, so soon after he got here, is kind of the worst, but he had taken up too much of the day trying to talk himself into coming over in the first place. And at least he'd have something to look forward to this way.

Mick can see it. He can sense it. It takes all of his very limited self-control to remain completely still in the hopes that Leonard might..

But he doesn't.
So he gives him an easy smile. A nod. "This weekend Lenny."

Maybe it's a good thing the hot water heater is busted again. Because he's going to be taking a lot more cold showers if this keeps up.

{I might be lost, but I'm not a lost cause

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