myheadisaprison | {I might be lost, but I'm not a lost cause

That laugh is even more rare than his smiles and Mick tries his best to imprint the moment in his memory. They have one hell of a good haul. They got away clean. They could do anything, go anywhere. All because of Lenny's planning.

Mick's hand slides easily to grip his. "Anywhere you want. Get a hotel that ain't a dump for a day or two."

"Yeah, that's first on the list." he agrees with a nod. No more shady motel room, something nice. That was their future, things were only going to get better from here.

His fingers twitch at the action, but he doesn't pull away. He turns to look at Mick again, smiling even around his lip pulled between his teeth. Maybe it's the buzz of everything, maybe it's a subconscious cue. But there's a rising feeling in his chest, this tension he's definitely felt before, and only ever with Mick. And for the most fleeting second, his eyes flicker to Mick's lips. Blink and it'd be missed, only that smile of a cat who got the canary left behind.

God he looks so good.
The tiny flicker of his eyes doesn't go unnoticed and Mick is moving long before his brain can signal that maybe he shouldn't, he made him a promise and he'd fought hard to keep it. To be patient.

A hand slides up to cup his jaw and tug him into a soft, eager kiss. Just parted lips, nothing too intense.
It's everything that Mick thought it would be - and god knows he'd spent many a lonely night thinking about it.

Lenny.

Leonard sees it coming, it's hard not to when he's looking right at him and watching him move in, and that hand comes up to his face. But somehow that didn't make him any more ready for Mick's lips on his.

Everything sort of seems to stop, including Leonard's brain and reflexes, and for a moment, he's just totally frozen and has no idea how to respond.

He's been aching for this, waiting so damned long to show Lenny just how much he cares about him, how much he wants him..

And he's not moving.
He's not moving.

Shitshitshit
Mick had made him a promise. He swore to him that they'd go at Lenny's pace, not his. Not his. He made him a promise and he'd never be the one to break a promise to him, not like his old man.

He breaks the kiss with a strangled sound.
"'m sorry. Jesusfuck 'm sorry Lenny. I shouldn't.. I'm sorry."

Leonard blinks when Mick pulls back, all fumbled apologies and-- Oh. No. He hasn't meant to make Mick feel bad. Like he overstepped in a way Leonard wasn't ready for. Like he'd done something he shouldn't have.

Leonard shakes his head, but he isn't sure Mick sees it and words just refuse to work right now. But Mick needs to know it's okay, that he didn't mind. So, he wraps his fingers around the collar of Mick's shirt and tugs him closer, all but attacking him with the ferocity of the kiss. There's this needy, desperate fire that pushes him closer, almost climbing into Mick's lap in his frenetic attempt to wordlessly let him know this wasn't a mistake.

Mick is too caught up in self-reproach when he pulls away to see the look on Leonard's face. To see that while he might have been surprised, it wasn't an unwelcome one.

Then there are quick fingers in his collar, pulling him close and the entire world just falls away with that kiss. Frantic. Eager. Sweeter than anything else he'd had in his entire life. He wraps his arms around him and deepens the kiss because he has wanted this for so long.

Even when the need for air forces the kiss to break, he just tips his forehead against him and breathes, a stupidly happy smile on his face. A good job. A good escape. Now this. He's pretty sure that life doesn't get any better than this moment. Right here. Right now.

When Mick's arms circle around him, Leonard practically melts against him. He's never felt anything like this before and it's a feeling he thinks he could really get used to. God knows Mick was practically a saint for the last two years, an uncountable number of times when this exact thing could have happened and had gone skipped over, missed, because Leonard was either too oblivious or too scared to let it happen.

When the kiss ends, Leonard can't help but return the smile Mick is giving him. This night is probably the best one he's ever had.

The last two years Mick had pretty much accepted that while he could call Leonard his boyfriend (even if only in his head), their relationship would never be physical. At least nothing beyond holding hands or sitting close. Lenny was just.. skittish about it. Or he had other things on his mind. But it was okay because Mick could look at him like he was everything and he didn't mind.

Now he's got him almost in his lap, kissing him desperately and Mick is practically drunk on his touch alone.

A smile. Another kiss. "Let's go get that hotel room."

"Okay," he mumbles, breathless and grinning wider than he thinks he ever has in his life.

The hotel room they got was swanky as hell compared to the hole-in-the-wall places they usually went and the two of them sort of stuck out in the place, but it didn't matter. They were kind of drunk on the buzz of the night, of that kiss on that bridge looking out across the night skyline of Chicago.

There was a part of him that itched to reach over, just to touch for the sake of it, while Mick was getting their room set up for the night, but he resists. He doesn't want the balking it would bring from the clerk at the front desk. He resists from the front desk to the elevator, from the elevator down the hallway and from the hallway until they're in the room. But that's as long as he could wait. Door shut, bags on the floor somewhere, and Leonard snatches the edge of Mick's collar and tugs him toward him again, mouths meeting in a crushing kind of desparation.

There's something to be said about firsts, and the way they happen have a way of sinking down into your bones in a way you'll never forget. First kiss, first time, first love. Leonard wonders if all three are supposed to be the same, if this happens very often with people in general, or if this is another way he's just...off-the-mark from other people.

It's quiet, mostly dark except the small strips of light from the city lights peeking in through the curtains at the window on the far side of the room. Leonard thinks he might be just as drunk on all of this as Mick seems to be, maybe more so, even, because Mick had experience that Leonard didn't. He knew more of what to expect, but it was all a blind, new journey in this direction for Leonard.

He's curled up against Mick, head pillowed on his shoulder and he can't quite seem to stop touching him. Little things, the barest of little touches that don't demand attention, but are just for the sake of it, fingers tracing idle patterns into Mick's skin because he can, and he wants to, so he does. There are things he could say, and he briefly considers saying any number of them, but he doesn't want his voice to break this moment. He wants to live in it for as long as he can, and forget the rest of the world while he does.

{I might be lost, but I'm not a lost cause

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