myheadisaprison | {I might be lost, but I'm not a lost cause

Shrug.
Mick looks down at his hands. "Got a messed up head. Sometimes I can't think right, sometimes somebody pushes me into a fight I know I shouldn't get into but.. I do."

"My old man used to kick the hell out of me for being too slow, too stupid, too messed up."

Leonard frowns a little at that first comment, he's not sure he likes the way that sounds. Like maybe he believes it. "Pushes you into it, how? What do you mean?"

There's something instantly more drawn in about him at that casual mention of his dad beating him in the past. "Oh... really?" He's stilted and awkward, no idea how to respond to that because it strikes something all too close to home. Even if the reasons are different. Actually, Leonard isn't sure Lewis even has reasons.

Tell a person something too many times, a voice of authority and sooner or later they start to believe it. Mick wants to be better, but he's not sure he's quite bright enough, not stable enough.

"Means that sometimes I know I shouldn't. But it don't matter. Sometimes I just.. I can't stop it." He hasn't had a familiar hand to steady him, to talk him through his anger and his rage.

He probably never will.

Unfortunately, Leonard understands that concept far better than he'd like. Not that he'd admit it.

"Oh..." He shifts a little, obviously a little uncomfortable with the conversation at hand, even though he had asked in the first place. He's heard a similar speech before, but it was in the aftermath of a bad night with Lewis, thrown at him as an excuse on why he'd have to come up with a reason for the new bruise around his eye if anyone asked.

He'd like to think the only friend he had here wouldn't be like that. But he's not sure. It makes him think of that look in his eyes that day in the courtyard.

The other side of that discomfort in him is that he's terrified of ending up like that, too. Of one day just reaching a limit and snapping and completely losing the death-grip of control he tries to keep on everything at all times.

Not that Mick would ever even think about raising a hand to Snart. Hell, he's the only one who hasn't looked at him like he's some kind of monster or maniac who is only one beat away from losing it and killing everyone in sight.

But he also knows when he probably said too much and Mick shrugs a little, shoving his hands in his pockets and turns his eyes towards the window.

Snart is the closest thing he has to a friend.
He doesn't want to lose that if he can help it.

Leonard didn't mean to make the conversation stop, and he isn't entirely sure how to start it again. He fidgets a little, twisting his fingers together, trying to think of something to say, anything at all. Which, he realizes is strange because he's not typically one that feels so desperate to fill silences, but this one is awkward and hard to deal with and definitely his fault.

"So...how much of what they say is true? About you." The rumors that float the detention center, the whispers Leonard hasn't given much mind to.

That is not a question that he really wants to answer. He doesn't want Snart looking at him like the others do, like he's a monster.

Mick breathes.
"Fire killed my family. Pigs said it was my fault." And after a few years of getting that beaten into his brain, maybe they were right?

"Was it an accident?" From the way he reacts to the first question, Leonard has a feeling that the whole thing has never been framed that way for him.

Mick doesn't even notice the way he curls in on himself in the chair. Like he's trying to fend of some coming blow. He doesn't want to talk about it. He doesn't. The fire had just.. gotten away from him. A roughened voice that he couldn't place if his life depended on it saying ".. it wasn't your fault.. just a dumb kid.."

"Didn't mean for it to happen," he manages, but it's so so hard to breathe, his chest going all tight.

Leonard sees it, the way he looks like he's trying to escape from the entire world just then and he hates it. He hates that he caused this. All because he was too curious to keep his own mouth shut.

"Hey," he almost reaches out, but thinks better of it, instead he just leans against the arm of the chair, almost hovering over him, so there was no chance he didn't look up and see the sincerity. "I believe you."

"I wouldn't hurt you," he blurts out. His anxiety is spiking all over the place and part of him wants to curl up and escape all of this, but he doesn't want Snart to think he's some kind of psycho like the rest of the people in here because he hears the whispers, even when people think he's not paying attention.

"I wouldn't," Mick insists.

"You.. you're my friend." His first friend. His only friend.

Leonard's eyes widen a little at the sudden declaration of his safety. "I know," He doesn't understand why that was his response, but he'll go with it, "I mean, I'm pretty sure about it, anyway. I don't think someone that ever intended on fucking me up would have saved my ass the way you did the other day." He smirks a little.

Mick touches his head. "I know I'm messed up. But you.. you're my friend."

He looks back down at his hands again. "Only one I got, really." And no matter how bad things ever got, he would never, ever hurt him.

.. not that he expects he'll see him outside of juvie but whatever.

The smirk turns into something more like a legitimate smile. "Good to know. Cause you're my friend, too." He admits, trying not to consider the fact that he'll probably never see him after he leaves here.

Mick's eyes snap to his, a startled smile breaking across his face, complete with a rare peek of dimple. "I haven't ever had a real friend before. Even in a dump like this."

"'m glad I met you, Snart."

That smile, sudden and genuine, is unlike anything he's seen before. It does something to him he doesn't understand, something he's never felt before, so he if idea it and calls it a fluke, pushes it aside and ignores it.

"I've never had friends before, either. I guess there really is a first time for everything."

{I might be lost, but I'm not a lost cause

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