Newsflesh AU Post

[myheadisaprison]

What it says on the tin. Go nuts!

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@adaptiveimmunities

[alwayshaveme]

Georgia 2.0 is healing up quite nicely after her awfully risky transplant surgery, but Dr. Abbey insisted on some over-time stay in the lab at the forestry center-- just to be safe. Worked out pretty well for Shaun, since he wanted to talk treatment with the good ol' doc.

Georgia-of-the-mind isn't so sure she's into the idea. Treated like she's a disease, like she doesn't belong. But this is exactly where she belongs, it's where she's always belonged and she intends to do what she can to stay. And if she can't in the end, then she'll make sure she goes out with a bang and leaves a lasting impression.

Georgia--the real one, or, the real fake one--is resting and the rest of the team are...around somewhere, but really they aren't her concern. They can't see or talk to her, after all. Shaun is the only one that matters. He's the only one that has ever mattered and the only one that ever will. He's the reason she exists, and she won't take being un-made so lightly.

She leans against the nearest surface, arms folded over her chest in the most disapproving manner she can muster as she stares at him, judging his every move with squinted scrutiny. "It's cute," she says, a sharp edge to her voice. "you trying to get rid of me and all. I thought I meant more to you than that."

[adaptiveimmunities]

He glances over at her, frowning slightly as he does. Just because he's decided to seek treatment doesn't mean he's actually doing any better yet. A decision is just a first step in probably a lot of other really hard steps that he's going to hate And the entire time he's going to have her there, fighting him.

This whole thing suddenly seems a lot more daunting than it already had.

"You know how I feel about you."

[alwayshaveme]

"I thought I did. But now..." She shrugs. "I'm not so sure." She keeps the distance between them for now. Not because she wants to, but it's more a strategic move. Which is a ridiculous thought, because she can't do anything that Shaun doesn't want her to, say anything he doesn't picture some version of his sister would-- even a twisted up, wrong version like the one she's become. Life as a hallucination is a weird one, that's for sure.

"You used to say that being crazy is what kept you sane," She pushes forward a few steps closer to him. "but now you're throwing it all away." A beat and then she reaches out to touch him, a ghost of a feeling of fingertips brushing skin against his arm. "You're throwing me away, Shaun."

Funny how the mind works. Even a broken one can make such a complete, convincing image of something that it feels concrete. She's sure there's a lot of science jargon out there that might attempt to explain it, psychobabble she doesn't care about. As long as he feels it, as long as she's still got ground to walk on, she'll dig her heels in.

[adaptiveimmunities]

"I'm not--" But of course he can see why she would say that. "...George, you're in my head. We both know that's not healthy." And he doesn't need to be crazy anymore, which is apparently something he can't say out loud, even to his own hallucination, because he might hurt her feelings. "I'm not throwing you away."

[alwayshaveme]

"Have we ever been?" She counters easily. His insistence is comforting, though, it gives her a foothold. All he has to do is give her an inch and she'll take a mile.

"The surgery worked, but...you'll be back, you know. Every year and and a half. All those vital checks, hooked up to a dozen different machines. You think you can really handle that, year in, year out?" She tips her head slightly to the side. "It'll happen again. Clones aren't meant to be sustained outside laboratory settings. How many more transplants do you think they'll let you have? How many times do you think you can stand to watch her almost die?"

[adaptiveimmunities]

He frowns. It's a concern. Obviously it is, or she wouldn't be saying it. She's him, after all. "Dr. Abbey said she should be fine now. The eighteen month thing... it's a checkup. Everyone should be getting checkups. Hell, i should be getting checkups and I was built the boring way."

With her nightmares, though, can he handle bringing George back to a lab every year and a half? Even if it's with friends? Even if it's with consent?

He shakes his head. All of that is beside the point. It's not up to him, and-- "She deserves to have me all the way there."

[alwayshaveme]

"Should be wouldn't be enough for me, if you were you. It needs to be a guarantee, or no deal." Okay, that might be a little out there, a little above anything like logic. But hey, she's a hallucination, who said she needed real logic?

"What about what you deserve?" Her fingers slide up his arm to his shoulder before she reaches to gently rest her fingers against his cheek. "Haven't you had enough trauma for one lifetime, Shaun? You don't deserve to be put through that every other year."

It must be awful for him, how soft and pleading she seems just then. It's worse for her, if he recognizes it as his own mind's little game. What complicated webs they have chosen to weave.

[adaptiveimmunities]

"No one gets guarantees. That's not how life works." He shakes his head. "And I don't think there's a top limit on trauma, George. The hits just keep coming and eventually you die. That's kind of how it goes. You just have to live for the good stuff in between. Having her around--that's part of the good stuff, even if there's more trauma on the way."

[alwayshaveme]

She hums softly, not quite an agreement, but not a denial either. He's not wrong, she can't say that he is-- life isn't about guarantees. "But I am, Shaun. I am a guarantee. Because you...and only you have the power to make me go away." She presses closer to him, way too far into his personal space to ignore, her face no more than a few inches from his. "Don't make me leave, Shaun," she manages to put a little urgency in her voice, make it shake a little, like she's scared.

Or maybe it's not an act at all.
Maybe she really is scared.
She doesn't want to not exist.

[adaptiveimmunities]

It's killing him to hear her like this--scared. Begging for her life. Is it always going to be this hard? Because if it is, he's not sure he's going to be able to handle it. "George... you're not real. We both know you're not real. You're in my head. It's not supposed to be like this. You know that. I know you know that because I do, and you're me."

[alwayshaveme]

And just as quickly as she had gotten into his space, she pulls away. "You're really gonna do it, aren't you? You want to make me go away." She shakes her head. "When something goes sideways and you lose the two-point-oh, you know who's going to be there to get you through it, right? I'll be back."

[adaptiveimmunities]

He doesn't want to make her go away. He could never want that for George, even if she's not real, but... she's not real. She's evidence that he's sick and that he need help that he's not getting. She's evidence that he's not there enough for the George who is real, and who's counting on him. "I'm sorry. I just... I need to be better. For her and for me."

[alwayshaveme]

There is something awfully ironic about Shaun apologizing to a hallucination, no matter what it looked like, but she doesn't really have time to appreciate that right now.

"Get better all you want, Shaun. Things will fall apart. And I will be back. I don't doubt it one bit..." There's a beat and she adds, "So that means you don't either."

[adaptiveimmunities]

"That's what therapy is for, George," he says quietly. "I know I can't do this on my own. That's the whole point of getting help."

[alwayshaveme]

There's not much point to keep this going. He's not giving up, or in, and she realizes she doesn't have a chance. Not for now, at least. But that's okay, because it will all fall apart the second something irreversible happens to his 2.0.

"I'll be waiting, Shaun."

And just like that-- she was gone, just as sure as she'd never been there at all.

[adaptiveimmunities]

He sighs to himself and sits down on the ground, resting his arms on his knees and staring between them at the floor. She's not gone for good. He knows better than to think he's cured just like that. It's going to take time and work.

He just hopes he can do it.