myheadisaprison | {Don't be gone when I get home, you're all I have

Hart was the same when I first met him. I assume the Rathaway's are dicks no matter what universe you go to. [That was a fair assumption just based on what little he knew of Hartley. Paco made a vaguely amused noise at Cisco's confusion though, it was kind of funny. It looks like he really caught him off guard.] Jerrie is Hartley's sister. She pretty on the ball for a kid. Very annoying. Keeps trying to hug me. [He pulls a face at that thought.] She's decided to marry Dante one day but I keep telling her she can do better.

I think that's a pretty safe assumption. [Based on what he does know? Yeah. The Rathaway's are just dicks wrapped up in pretty packaging and more concerned with said pretty packaging than things like, oh, their son and his well-being.

He smiles a little, a bit amused in his own right at Paco's reaction to to Jerrie's attempts at hugging him.] Oh, how terrible. [He teases lightly, shaking his head.] She's just decided it, huh?

[There's a sinking realization hanging out somewhere in the back of his mind that his Dante will never even have the chance to have a wedding now. It makes something in his stomach twist. All the little reminders are just piling up in this conversation and he isn't sure how much of it he can handle.]

Kind of? I mean she always makes her mind up about everything but I don't think Dante helped. Charming bastard, isn't he? Hence why he always stole--

[Wait. Paco pauses and pulls himself up a little, looking over at Cisco for a moment before he leans over and gives his dopple a very serious look. Time to find out just how similar they were and just how similar their brothers were. What? It seemed like fun. To Paco. Probably not to Cisco but unfortunately, his other self didn't read the room or the atmosphere much. He just said what he wanted to say, no regard for anyone else.]

Speaking of, did you ever have a girl in your life called Melinda Tores?

[Oh, my god, why?

Why does he want to talk shop and compare notes on their brothers and lives now? A few months ago, hell, a few weeks ago, Cisco would have been all over this like a chatty, gossipy high schooler. As things stand now, he's not as enthusiastic as he would have been.]

Yeah, actually, I did. Dante... [He shakes his head and ignores the waver in his own voice, letting his lips twitch into a faint smirk.] he told her I was gonna become a priest. So she started dating him instead.

You never even got to date her? Cold. I was dating her for about a month and she ended up crushing on him because he was so nice and handsome. Asshole. [He did pause though, looking at Cisco with a slight frown. So this Dante just straight up stole her? His did it by accident, idiot that he was, he felt so bad about it, Paco could still use it against him. Meanwhile there was Cisco, looking still hurt over it.

He assumes that's what he's hurt over. What else could it be?]

So he did it on purpose? Mine was less vindictive but still pretty annoying. Brothers, right? They're the worst, they drive you nuts but you have to love them. [Paco settles back into his seat and laughs a little.] He'll always be the guy who stole my high school sweetheart but he's also the guy who taught me to play soccer and beat up all my bullies. You know? Family. You gotta do for family.

Sounds like he's always got your back. [Like a brother is supposed to. Like Dante used to, ages ago, before things changed.] Wasn't really like that for me. I mean-- it used to be? But I think I was, like, nine or ten when everything just sort of fell apart. [His voice is quiet and small, and there's a tightness in his chest he can't ignore making it hard to breathe.

He's trying. Really, he is. He's trying to put on a face and have a conversation and pretend like this is fine. But the more he listens to Paco talk about his Dante, the worse that twisting feeling in his stomach gets. And it doesn't help that it sounds like his brother never pulled so far away from him that it eventually ruined what good foundation they did have once.

And there's that tiny little detail that Paco's version of Dante is still present tense.] I always thought we would be able to fix it one day.

Edited 2017-01-16 22:28 (UTC)

We had to stay close. Things didn't always go as we wanted them and Dante protected me from... everything. And I always owed him for that. It was always me and him, even now it is, against all the bad things in the world. [Paco turns and finally, for the first time, he properly looks at Cisco. He doesn't often look at people unless he'd facing them down or trying to get a good handle of them. He already did that with Cisco, this was supposed to be easy. Comfortable? People who he knew didn't need picking apart. But there was something uncomfortable about how this was going and it didn't sit well with him.

Paco frowns a little as he watches Cisco, there's that fake smile on his face and all he can think is that he knows that smile. He's worn that smile. He remembers wearing it the first time he spoke to Zoom, after Wells kicked him out, let him down, left him spiralling. It's not just trying to be brave in the face of sadness, it's loss. Loss of something that had so much potential and just died. Like that. He can see it in his eyes now, there's that empty yearning for something that might have been, something that could --

No.

Not Dante, never Dante. He couldn't accept that. The idea of his brother, even another version of his brother, dying? It brought about feelings Paco didn't want to have right now. He shuts it down. Hard. This had to be a mistake, he was reading it wrong. Had to be.

He finally speaks, trying to meet Cisco's eyes.] You don't think there's any way to fix it now? ... Why?

[Cisco could practically feel the sharp snap of realization in the air as the pieces dared to try to fall together in Paco's mind. His gaze on Cisco was intense, but in a different way than it might have been once upon a time. It's not a matter of sizing him up or even intimidation, it's this almost desperate need for a denial, a confirmation that just this once, he's wrong.

But it's a denial Cisco can't give him.

And he can't seem to find his voice, either. It's been a fact he's known for weeks now, but putting words to it, saying it out loud, it always makes it hurt more. Makes it more solid and real.]

Don't make me say it. [His voice has that same small sound to it as before, quieter, barely above a whisper and thick with emotion he's barely holding back now.]

[It's confirmation no matter how it's said and he feels a strange sinking feeling inside of him. He wants to pull out his phone and call his brother, just to be sure he was okay. It seemed irrational and it was but family often made Paco irrational. Paco looks away from Cisco and lowers his headd, adjusting his watch a little, just so he has something to do that isn't staring Cisco down. He has no idea what to do now, this is uncomfortable and emotional. He needs something to ground his attention and keep him stable.

The watch is broken, it doesn't even work but he'd had it since the night of the blast and he can't part with it. Instead, he just sort of traces the cracks in the face, clearing his throat awkwardly.]

I won't. I don't think I can hear you say it.

[That was his brother, alternate reality or not, it stung in it's own unique way.]

Who did it? [It had to be a villain, right? Some kind of speedster or meta. Who was he going to make suffer for this? There had to be someone.]

[There's actually a sense of relief, however small it may be, that Paco didn't really want to hear it any more plainly than that. He knew, and it was enough. Too much to deal with, really. Cisco has sunk back into the corner of the couch, knees hugged up to his chest, watching as Paco fidgets in his unease of the situation. It's weird sometimes, how alike they can be when so often, they're almost complete polar opposites.]

It was an accident. Drunk driver. [And in a way, Cisco thinks that makes it even harder. It wasn't some act by a psycho Team Flash was dealing with, not a piece of leverage being used against him. Nothing complicated or scheming at all. Just normal, something that happened by chance, wrong place, wrong time.

In a world full of dangerous people, with even more dangerous powers, his brother was killed in a wreck by a drunk idiot behind the wheel.]

What?

[Paco's head shot up and his eyes narrowed. For some reason, that part was the part that hurt most and he didn't even know why it hurt him that much. Maybe because it's so needless and preventable. His brother didn't die a hero or doing anything good or standing up to someone bad. He wasn't even killed for a good reason. He was just hit by a car.

He had so many thoughts now, just the idea of his brother lying there, dead on the road. Did the driver stop? Did they keep going? Was Dante alone? Did he die with family by his side or did he die alone in the road, knowing his life had been taken so pointlessly, so meaninglessly? His Dante would never had stood for that, he'd probably have sliced the car in two.

Paco is on his feet and he can't even remember when he got to his feet but the anger is enough to push him like this and there he is, glaring at the wall behind Cisco's head. He's angry. At this Earth, on Cisco's behalf.] That isn't fair! That isn't how he supposed to -- no, this is wrong. It's just so... it's so stupid. It should happen like that. Not to us!

[Cisco should have been a God, he should be all powerful, unstoppable, dangerous... why was he not doing something to undo this? He didn't outright say it, he knew it wasn't on Cisco and he doubted he needed the blame but he felt a strange surge of hopelessness.] He deserved better

[Cisco's head snaps up as Paco gets to his feet, anger pulsing through him as he rants. He isn't surprised he skips straight to the anger stage of grief, it's fitting somehow, almost comforting to see it. Maybe because Cisco doesn't really have the energy to be angry, he's trapped in the sadness and the loss instead.

He doesn't interrupt him, or even try to calm him down. He wasn't his, necessarily, but Dante was Paco's brother just the same and Cisco didn't see the sense in trying to make him stop feeling what he felt. It wasn't exactly something his Earth 2 twin did much, and certainly not so freely and in front of people.

He'll consider what it means that he's being outwardly shown any of this later.]

Dad called me and told me to get to the hospital... [He sounds as numb as he feels, continuing to explain what he could.] Doctors did what they could, but... [He lifts one shoulder helplessly. His gaze drops to the floor, chin resting on his knees.]

It's not fair... I don't even know if he knew...how much I cared, how much I missed the way it used to be. I should have... I should have told him-- there was supposed to be time. [There's a laugh at the word, bitter, hollow and humorless and somewhere in his speech tears tracked down his cheeks. Cisco is an emotional person, his heart is always on his sleeve for everyone to see. But it feels awkward and unbalanced with Paco, so he tries to stop it, scrubbing a hand roughly down his face.]

Why don't you have time?

[Paco doesn't sit down but his anger does ebb. Slightly. He's clearly still angry but it's relenting to a strange sort of sadness he never wanted to feel. He can't imagine that kind of loss... well, no, he can. Someone who mattered that much? He'd lost people like that before. Thought he'd lost people like that. The pain didn't stop. It was unbearable. Cisco was grieving, he was hurting and all because of a stupid accident?

To Paco, that wasn't acceptable.]

You know a speedster, right? You're tight with him? Can't you make him undo it? Zoom used to dick around in time all the damn time. [Of course there were implications, timeline issues and the fact that it could easily all get fractured but Paco didn't think rationally when it came to negative emotions. When he had an issue? Play God.

That was always his answer. It would have been his answer if he'd been in the same position with Hart. If he'd known a way back.] You should be able to tell him. You two deserve that time.

Don't you think I've tried? I've asked him, but he won't. [Which isn't any easier to handle than the too-normal way of Dante's death. The ability to go back, to fix it, to save him is right there every day and Barry refuses, every time Cisco has asked.

He shakes his head.] He just talks about the consequences and how it could fuck things up.

But he's your friend. That's the whole point of friends, isn't it? They do stuff for you. Just because. No force or blackmail needed. This is important, he has to fix this kind of wrong. [That speedster loved Cisco, they were friends, this was the big heroic idiot, why did he suddenly have a brain and care about what happened to the timeline? Paco huffs and gives Cisco that look. The one that shows how little he cares for Cisco's excuses. Paco would have forced him by now, friend or not.]

... I can make him do it. [See. Friends. They did things for each other just because.]

[Cisco opens his mouth to speak, but snaps it shut a moment later. He can't find it in him to fight, to argue against it, to tell him not to. Because he doesn't want this. He doesn't want this pain. This loss. He feels like he's only going through the motions most days and it's more weight than he wants on his shoulders.

The only thing he has to say about it at all is:]

Don't hurt him... he's still my friend. [...right? He is. He's just trying to protect the timeline, do the thing for the greater good or something.]

A friend would help you. What would a day have mattered? Or a night? He could have done it in those twenty four hours, nothing much would have changed by Dante being alive.

[And honestly, Paco doesn't get it. He can't see why the speedster wouldn't help. Friends helped friends and for some strange reason, this one wouldn't help. There was a strange amount of burning anger there that someone masking as a friend would do this to him... well, Cisco.

Same deal.] I bet he'd do it if it was someone he loved. Wouldn't he? He'd break the rules for himself, speedsters always do. They're selfish, they don't make great friends. The amount of times Zoom told me something was impossible and then went off and did it?

[Cisco presses his palms to his eyes and leans forward against his knees.] I don't know... [He's barely mumbling at this point, voice quiet and disconnected from the conversation as a whole.] I don't know why he won't, he just gives the same excuses every time.

[He doesn't move from the way he's sitting as Paco continues, talking about how selfish speedsters are and questioning if Barry would break the rules for himself. And Cisco can't help thinking He already has, once. And who's to say he wouldn't again, if he knew he could fix things, save his parents...

Cisco's stomach flips dangerously as the thought sinks in. He already has. He has and Barry's refusing to extend the same to him.

Maybe he's feeding off of Paco's anger, which is nearly palpable in the room, but it's definitely swimming through Cisco's veins now, too, as he finally drops his hands away from his face and looks up, his expression twisted up into something hurt and angry more than sad now.] You're-- you're right. It is. He's being completely selfish. I- I deserve my brother and he can fix it and he should!

This is the thing, Cisco, why don't you know? If there's a reason, something that stops him from saving your brother then you should know the details. Every. Last. Thing. Why are you left in the dark because he can't communicate?

[Paco takes no shit from speedsters, he will pull this Flash guy apart like he did with Zoom. He felt this strange surge of protectiveness over Cisco, he didn't want him to suffer the same fate he had. Misused and misdirected by an idiot speedster, held back and why? Because he was foolish enough to believe they were friends, that they had something. Respect, love, kinship. Whatever.

It was a lie. It had to be. Why else wouldn't he help someone save their God damn brother?]

He should fix it. You're absolutely right. And if he won't, we'll find a way. [He moves closer for the first time in a very long time, he bridges the gap between them and reaches out, his hand on Cisco's shoulder as he meets his eyes.] We can save Dante. Together. There's nothing we can't do together. If he can't help us, we can make him and if we can't make him, we'll find some other way. We're brilliant.

[Maybe it's not the best time to walk in on Cisco and Paco, but it's not as if Hartley is expecting anything. He hears them as soon as he opens the door, given his meta hearing ability that's not surprising, but he still walks inside as if he has no idea what any of this is about.]

Paco. [He nods in greeting, then turns to raise an eyebrow at Cisco.] Did we know he's coming?

[Cisco turns when he hears the door open and relaxes a little when he sees Hartley.] Uh, yeah, actually, he-- did text me before coming over this time.

[He wonders how much Hartley may have heard of any of what the pair of them were discussing, because he doubts he heard absolutely nothing because he knows Hartley's hearing is hella amazing.]

{Don't be gone when I get home, you're all I have

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