myheadisaprison | {Don't be gone when I get home, you're all I have

Oh. Oh.

[Quicker than any speedster could, Dante's hand is ripped away from Cisco and he instantly makes space. This was getting like a billion times worse and honest to God, where the fuck was Paco? Why was he here dealing with this? He didn't like emotions. They were complicated. Messy. Unpleasant.]

That sucks. [That's all he could thing to say.

So he died here? That's just great. Though probably a thousand times easier for him, less chance of running into himself and having to have that awkward conversation. He'd heard barely anything about this Earth's Dante, the main thing Paco had told him is that they apparently didn't get on great here. Even so, family is family. It couldn't be easy to deal with, losing his brother. Dante would know, he's sort of been there.

Dante's hands go into his pockets, a definite closed off gesture. It really wasn't unlike how Paco handled things, it was even more clear now Dante had indeed raised Paco, if how they handled things and dealt with things were any indication.]

I can leave, if you want. Just make sure to pass onto Paco where I am cause he's basically my 'ride' home.

[Silently, he appreciates the space, even though another part of him is hurt by it. He's heard, at least a little bit, from Paco about how different things were for him and Dante. How close they were. And while he can't really picture any situation where the two of them would probably really have a lot of emotional moments or anything, the distance? That's familiar. And it hurts because he always thought he'd have time to work on it, to fix things, and...time ran out so soon.

He laughs at the sentiment, abrupt and hollow, devoid of any real humor. He nods a little.] Yeah.... yeah, it does.

[It's funny, the way emotions work, the way they can cycle so quickly and slide one right into the other so seamlessly. For all that he isn't sure what to do with this copy of his brother standing in front of him, there's a small bubble of panic rising in his chest at the thought of him leaving, words pouring out of Cisco's mouth before he has time to process them and realize how desperate it sounds.] You don't have to leave. [Oh. Now he notices. His eyes drop to his shoes again.]

[Clearly leaving wasn't an option, not since this guy wearing his brother's face seemed to be on the brink of a melt down and his whole body language, the desperation in his tone, the way he was, it was not reassuring. If it had been Paco, he would have hugged him by now but he wasn't. And he didn't give those kind of things out freely.

He stands there in silence for a while, debating the next move. How to be with someone in a situation like this? He tries to put himself in the place of Cisco, remembering the time when he was 100% certain his brother had died. What would it be like to be with Cisco after that? What would he want from that encounter?

In the end, he settles for moving around Cisco and leaning against the wall himself, keeping a small gap between them. Some distance, like he probably needed.]

Look, I don't know what you and your Dante were like but me and my brother? When we're struggling and shit gets hard, we have a fool proof system. [Dante slips his hand into his jacket and pulls out his hip flask, offering it out to Cisco.] It's mostly burying it all, deny it all and then drinking together. Company, it helps. Or that was always my method anyway. Paco seems happy enough to do the whole talking and feeling thing these days. [Dante pulls a face.] I blame Hart and Allen.

[To say he's surprised by the choice to stay would be an understatement. He was being so standoffish, in a way that was somehow different and the same as Cisco remembers, that he thought for sure he'd just go because why deal with this when he doesn't even know Cisco? But maybe the mirror image of his old little brother's face is too much for Dante in his own way, too.

He frowns a little as he watches Dante reach into his jacket, but it's replaced with a small smile that can only be called bittersweet.]

Whiskey? [He asks, taking the flask and taking a drink from it. At least if there's alcohol involved, he has a reason to feel as numb as he does right now.] Sounds like a pretty good plan, if you're not me. [He laughs, something bitter and hollow, shaking his head.] I'm not like your brother. I can't turn that stuff off. [Which was probably pretty obvious, considering he was standing at the edge of a breakdown right here and now. He takes another sip before passing the flask back to him.

Sometimes, he wondered how Paco did it. He's learned enough about his doppelganger to know that they aren't as different as he'd like Cisco to think. But Paco still handles things so much better, so much calmer, and sometimes Cisco thinks it must be easier to live that way.]

Nothing else but. [Clearly this Earth's Dante has a good taste in drink. He takes the flask back and sips it himself, definitely needing something to take the edge off.]

Neither can he, he's just good at bluffing. Once you learn how to bluff, you can do pretty much anything.

[Cisco isn't entirely unlike Paco, he just doesn't have that front. Everything is so out there, it's open and raw and painful. Whereas Paco bottles, he traps it all inside and breaks down in private, sometimes just like this, shaking and almost crying, desperate and needing his brother. It's rarer these days but he still happens. He's not like Dante, who does bury everything deep and moves forward, he keeps everything with him and drags it along through life.]

He doesn't turn it off, he just puts it on standby. I guess Hart was good for him, he finally got to just feel. We didn't really do that much growing up. Not after everything. [He offers the flask back just in case he wants more.] You remind me of him when he was a bit younger. Like seventeen-eighteen. Before Wells and Zoom and that whole meta thing.

I don't think I could compartmentalize to save my life. [Which isn't exactly true. Doing the things he does for Team Flash, the things they face, every disaster that comes slamming down one right after another? He compartmentalizes more than he seems to think. A person can't face the kind of dangers they face, big (like Savitar) and small (like whatever idiot meta of the week has done a dumb thing in the city) alike, and not box some of it aside to deal with later.]

Well, remind me never to play poker with him. [He huffs, a sound that's almost amused.] Or to take lessons. Because he does a damn good job of it.

Really? [Cisco rolls his head to one side, curious that he would remind Dante so much of Paco at all. He does take the flask again-- he definitely wants this, whether he needs it seems irrelevant just now.] Let's not get started on the multitude of issues I have with people named Harrison Wells. [A beat.] Or who claim to be Harrison Wells.

Maybe it's a good thing. Being open with how you feel. Like being closed off never got me anywhere good and same with Paco, maybe we're wrong and you're right.

[As a kid, he didn't believe that, he saw people with emotions as weak and pathetic but as he's grown older, he's started to realise that he's wrong. Everyone he knows who feels and wears it with honour is more alive and more happy than he'll ever be. Like Hart, like Allen or Snart or even Jerrie. That kid taught him a weird amount, she was so loving and trusting, so sensitive to what others felt, Dante found himself reassessing a lot of how he felt and saw things these days.

He's too old and too set in his ways to change or want to truly change but he does sometimes contemplate it, tries to encourage Paco to be better.]

I blame Wells more than I blame Zoom and that's saying a lot. [Zoom was worse but Wells was Paco's downfall. To him, that listed him pretty damn high. Not the problem but the catalyst. God, he'd love to punch that fucker in the face.] I guess you and Wells are doomed by fate. No matter what, a Wells is always going to fuck up a Francisco Ramon. Paco always believed that Earths have a pattern, guess this one is just a shit one you're stuck with.

Doesn't feel like it sometimes. [Which is just the truth. It's exhausting to feel so much, so deeply, all the time. Sometimes, he thinks it would just be better if he could flip a switch and turn it all off for a few hours.

He wrinkles his nose at the idea of it. If there had to be consistencies in each other, couldn't they be better than 'Sorry about your bad luck, buddy, but every version of you that exists is going to be fucked over by every version of this guy.'?] We have a new one here. Again. [He presses his tongue against the inside of his cheek.] I don't like him...but I think he's actually harmless. Just really annoying.

I could never abide annoying people. I usually got rid of them.

[There it is, that brutal bluntless the Ramon brothers seemed to have on Earth 2, so casually content to rid themselves of anything that got in the way or got on their nerves. They were really not a patient bunch, that just wasn't their style. There's a beat and then Dante looks at him and adds:] Want me to get rid of him for you?

No. [He says, laughing, real, genuine, for half a second because it just sounds like such a protective older brother thing to say, before he realizes that offer? Was completely serious and he sobers a little, looking at him very seriously.] No. It's not...that bad. [A beat.] I might let you break his stupid drum sticks, though.

I'll break his stupid drum sticks, just tell me where and when. [Dante smirks a little, clearly amused as he sips his drink a little more, finding the whole concept of snapping someone's drum sticks kind of entertaining. He hadn't done the whole protective big brother routine in a while, felt kind of good to go down that road again.] Just say the word if you ever need some back up. I miss a good excuse to get a few hits in, don't get it so much these days. Post Zoom, everyone is just trying to rebuild. It's boring.

[Yeah, saving their city and working towards a better future was so dull.]

[Cisco shakes his head, grinning for the first time since this conversation had started. It was so small and simple and there was no reason in the world Cisco couldn't break a set of drum sticks himself, but the offer is just nice to have all the same. Reminds him of when they were younger, how things used to be.]

Thanks. I'll remember that. [He nods a little, wondering if any part of Dante realizes how much something like that even means. Probably not. Not really. Because it seems like it's the status quo for him and Paco, so he probably doesn't think much about it at all.] I'm sure we could find some asshole meta for you to punch every now and then if you really miss it that much. [They could hardly turn down help when they really needed it, right? And sometimes they really did.

Cisco reaches over and ganks the flask back from him, taking a sip, and for a minute or two he's quiet, which is pretty unusual for him. He just takes the situation in for a moment. Standing here, sharing whiskey with his other-earth self's brother-- his brother... sort of--like it's normal. And maybe it is by now. But there's just one thing that he can't get out of his head. He tilts his head to look back over at Dante, a little frown on his face.] Is it always like this? For you and Paco, I mean... is this... [He shrugs one shoulder slightly.] normal?

Isn't that technically playing hero? I don't do heroic. They're just as boring.

[Dante has done his fair share of heroic things for Hart, for Jerrie and Paco but he never liked to overly call attention to it. It was almost like he was admitting he wasn't all bad and that didn't sit overly right with him. Once he started thinking about heroics and morality and all that, things would get muddled and he didn't like the idea of it.

He lets Cisco steal his flask with no resistance, rolling his eyes and settling for crossing his arms, looking straight ahead and taking in the scenery. This STAR labs looked so different from the one he knew, this whole thing was so trippy. When Cisco speaks, he almost misses it before he catches himself, turning his head with a curious expression.] What? Normal? Well... [It takes him a moment to grasp what he means by normal. Him and Paco just hanging out? Wasn't that always the way with brothers?] Pretty much. We hang out a lot, we like being around each other, you know? Always did. For the first ten years of his life, Paco was pretty much my shadow. He followed me everywhere. Just sort of clung to me and hid behind me so I had to learn to love him, he wasn't going anywhere.

[Dante laughs and snags the drink back, waving it almost tauntingly at Cisco with an air of 'too slow' before he takes another drink, smiling fondly when he pulls back.] He made me promise, like a proper pinky swear, on the life of my favourite action figure, to always have his back. And I have. Even if he's an annoying know-it-all brat and that action figure is long gone.

Edited 2017-04-16 20:12 (UTC)

[Cisco shrugs a little.] It's still punching things.

[He smiles, a little wistful at the story about Paco following him around when they were kids and the ridiculous image of a tiny Paco making Dante make pinky swears over action figures. Sounds like something he might have done, if...]

I think I was about nine or ten when yo-- he...when he stopped wanting me to hang around. Right around the point he was starting high school. Told myself it'd be different later, get better when we're older because eventually the age gap wouldn't be as drastic as ten and fourteen are. [He shakes his head a little and fidgets with the zipper on his jacket.] It didn't...it just got worse.

It's hard when you're older and you want to break away, to make a name for yourself and stand in the same crowd as people your age and you've got a kid sort of holding you back. It can hurt your cred, I guess. If you don't know how to handle it. [He gets it, really he does, why this Dante made distance but he doesn't get why he had to be a jerk about it. There's no reason to avoid and to make it worse, they had to try and beat out the odds and stick together, that's what good brothers did.] I couldn't do it to Paco, he had a hard enough time without me ditching his ass. I was the favourite, you know? And he was sort of the target. I had to protect him, that was my job.

[He supposed that it's hard to make distance and get away from things when Paco needed him like that. He could have ditched his brother, it would have been so easy, he just never wanted to.] Being an older brother is hard. I wasn't always a good brother either. I pushed him to do things he didn't want to do, I was harsh on him, I told him to suppress everything he felt cause I didn't have 'time to deal with feelings'. Hell, I once stole his high school girlfriend. [Dante does laugh at that, unable to help himself.] He never let that one go. He still brings it up. Brought it up at his wedding.

[Well, that's something Cisco didn't know and it gives him pause. He frowns at the information, that Paco was apparently just as much the family punching bag as he was. Except that one, vital difference-- Paco had Dante in his corner.] So...mom and dad still played favorites on your Earth, too? I didn't know that.

[He had assumed.... well, he's not sure what he thought, but that hadn't been it. He knew Paco thought their parents were awful, but he'd never really gotten into the deeper details of why. And it makes sense, all things considered. It's what Dante taught him, apparently.

No wonder Dante had said he reminded him of a younger Paco. They're more alike than Cisco even realized.]

That I did know. [He says, pointing a falsely accusatory finger at him.] Because it happened to me, too.

Oh yeah, I was the first born, the 'favourite', Paco was just there and they never got him, Though I use the term favourite loosely, they didn't like either of us, they couldn't have. It's not like I ever had much of a life growing up, it was just hours of hours of piano practise. Constant playing. All the damn time. [To have a gift is a beautiful thing, to be forced to use it constantly until his fingers hurt and he hated his own talent? Not exactly beautiful. Dante didn't care for music any more. If anything, he completely avoided it.

He frowns, curious if that's something that is consistent to. Did this Dante like music? Maybe he was a great musician. It was a cool idea, he would have liked that.] Did he play? Your brother, I mean. Was he a prodigy like me?

[There was some consistency here, after all. Both Paco and Cisco were gifted in engineering and science still.]

And for the record, she came onto me. [Kind of. Mostly. Shut up.]

Yeah... [He nods a little, a sad smile that doesn't really reach his eyes playing on his lips.] He loved it. He played at Carnegie Hall twice. Mom and Dad just...they were all over it, gushing about his talents and everything. I guess the attention might have gone to his head a little. And I got yelled at for taking things apart to see if I could put them back together.

[He glances down sadly, fidgeting a little again.] Growing up, once he started pulling away...it kinda always felt like he chose music over me.

[He snickers a little and shakes his head. It was such old news now it didn't mater, he could laugh at it.] Yeah, yeah. Whatever.

I bet he still cared. He probably just had his head too far up his ass to see it and realise it. It happens, some people are like that. I know me pretty well, as far as I'm aware, and the one thing I know for certain is that family means a lot to me. It always means a lot to the Ramon brothers.

[And he knows that even if this version of him is a rude, spoilt, childish brat, he probably still loves him. When it came to their earths, the differences seemed to be minor. Like Paco and Cisco. They were different but the same. Surely that could be applied to him and his other half.]

Hermano. [Dante reaches out and puts his hand on Cisco's shoulder, trying to meet his eyes. He slips into Spanish instead of English, just to make what he's saying a little more personal.] He loved you, I promise. He was just an idiot over showing it.

[He nods a little, trying not to let those words get to him. To ignore the tightness in his chest as Dante points out how much family means to him. Because it's one of those things he always hoped was true about his own brother, something that let him hold onto the hope that one day, eventually, they could let go of all the bitterness and be... more like this.

Cisco is fine until he gets serious. Until Dante reaches over and puts his hand on his shoulder and says that. It's not the same, not really. He's not saying it to him, exactly, and he's the wrong version anyway, but it doesn't matter. Because this is his brother's face, his brother's voice, and any composure he had is gone, tears flood his eyes and spill across his cheeks as he squeezes his eyes shut. He doesn't care. He doesn't care that he's not his Dante, he doesn't care that he's probably going to punch him for what he's about to do. Without hesitating, Cisco tugs on the hand on his shoulder to pull Dante into a hug and for as long as he'll let him, he just clings.]

[Dante and Paco aren't big huggers, not since they'd grown up anyway. They'd hugged twice as an adult - when Paco got married and when Paco came back from the dead. Usually they found other ways to celebrate their happiness around each other, not being a touchy family for the most part but this version of Paco, Cisco, he was the kind who seemed to want this sort of thing. He wanted to be loved, to touch and feel. He still so young. Yeah, he knew that Paco and Cisco were the same age but he just seemed younger, he seemed more like he needed this kind of comfort and it was hard to see his brother like this.

That upset and that desperate.

So the hug isn't rejected. Dante holds him tight and pulls him in close, letting the other cry against him and just standing there, trying to handle all of these emotions.] S'okay, Cisco. Come on, it's going to be okay.

[It's a huge relief when Dante doesn't push him away, but it's so much it almost makes it worse, it makes Cisco's chest tighter so it's hard to breathe. He had been so certain that he wouldn't let him do this, that he'd be rejected and instead, it seems like Dante's instinct as a protective big brother pushes his own aversions to the side and gives into Cisco's needs instead. It all means more than he knows how to put into words.

Luckily, he's here with someone who isn't big on them, and probably doesn't really need them anyway.

Cisco isn't sure how long he stands there, clinging to his brother--he's his brother, he doesn't care, it doesn't matter that it's a different Earth's version, he's his brother--and trying to remember how to breathe, but eventually he calms down enough to pull away, swiping both hands under his eyes, looking away awkwardly now that things slowly sink in and back to normal. Or as normal as they can be.]

Sorry. [He mumbles, his voice a little scratchy from the crying. He clears his throat and tries again.] I just... [His eyes dart back up to catch Dante's, his voice quiet, and still a little more vulnerable than he'd like, but it's all genuine.] Thank you.

It's fine.

[It's weird, uncomfortable and he's definitely going to make Paco pay for getting him into this mess in the first place but it really is fine. Clearly Cisco needed this and he could do the right thing and play the role of brother for him. After all, it wasn't like the one that died was much of one in the first place and Dante felt a strange, new desire to protect build in him. This so wasn't fair, throwing people at him who looked just like his brother.]

You okay now? [He looks at Cisco carefully before reluctantly forcing himself to reach out again. Yep, more contact but apparently that was what tonight was about and he was just learning to live with it. He rubs his upper arm lightly and then, because he was an older brother and he reserved that right, he punches Cisco on the arm. Not hard, just enough to distract him from his misery.] Come on, you can't cry all day, someone will think it was me that did this to you. I'll end up with my ass kicked by a speedster. Or that hot chick you were talking to.

[There's a beat as something dawns on him. Shit.] Wait-- was that chick Killer Frost?

[It's not fine, it's weird and awkward, but...Cisco's still grateful for it, and glad that he'd indulged him for a little while.

He nods a little at the question, and even manages a half-hearted chuckle at the punch in the arm.] Yeah, don't worry, I'll set 'em straight.

[That name, however, has him instantly on edge. His voice goes from the softer, vulnerable place it'd been moments ago to something firm and a little snippy.] No. Her name is Caitlin Snow.

[So. Yeah. Killer Frost. He knew her name, he sort of knew her, he personally preferred Ronnie though. Annoying person, no self control but he was really fun to play against at cards. He had so many obvious tells.

He's sensing it's a sensitive spot so he holds up his hands and nods, not pushing the issue any further.] Got it, got it, Caitlin. My bad.

[What's all that baggage about? Whatever.] You feeling okay now? All good? [No more bursting into tears, right?]

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thisismadfreaky - 2017-04-17 20:58 (UTC) - Expand