myheadisaprison | {Don't be gone when I get home, you're all I have

Doesn't feel like it sometimes. [Which is just the truth. It's exhausting to feel so much, so deeply, all the time. Sometimes, he thinks it would just be better if he could flip a switch and turn it all off for a few hours.

He wrinkles his nose at the idea of it. If there had to be consistencies in each other, couldn't they be better than 'Sorry about your bad luck, buddy, but every version of you that exists is going to be fucked over by every version of this guy.'?] We have a new one here. Again. [He presses his tongue against the inside of his cheek.] I don't like him...but I think he's actually harmless. Just really annoying.

I could never abide annoying people. I usually got rid of them.

[There it is, that brutal bluntless the Ramon brothers seemed to have on Earth 2, so casually content to rid themselves of anything that got in the way or got on their nerves. They were really not a patient bunch, that just wasn't their style. There's a beat and then Dante looks at him and adds:] Want me to get rid of him for you?

No. [He says, laughing, real, genuine, for half a second because it just sounds like such a protective older brother thing to say, before he realizes that offer? Was completely serious and he sobers a little, looking at him very seriously.] No. It's not...that bad. [A beat.] I might let you break his stupid drum sticks, though.

I'll break his stupid drum sticks, just tell me where and when. [Dante smirks a little, clearly amused as he sips his drink a little more, finding the whole concept of snapping someone's drum sticks kind of entertaining. He hadn't done the whole protective big brother routine in a while, felt kind of good to go down that road again.] Just say the word if you ever need some back up. I miss a good excuse to get a few hits in, don't get it so much these days. Post Zoom, everyone is just trying to rebuild. It's boring.

[Yeah, saving their city and working towards a better future was so dull.]

[Cisco shakes his head, grinning for the first time since this conversation had started. It was so small and simple and there was no reason in the world Cisco couldn't break a set of drum sticks himself, but the offer is just nice to have all the same. Reminds him of when they were younger, how things used to be.]

Thanks. I'll remember that. [He nods a little, wondering if any part of Dante realizes how much something like that even means. Probably not. Not really. Because it seems like it's the status quo for him and Paco, so he probably doesn't think much about it at all.] I'm sure we could find some asshole meta for you to punch every now and then if you really miss it that much. [They could hardly turn down help when they really needed it, right? And sometimes they really did.

Cisco reaches over and ganks the flask back from him, taking a sip, and for a minute or two he's quiet, which is pretty unusual for him. He just takes the situation in for a moment. Standing here, sharing whiskey with his other-earth self's brother-- his brother... sort of--like it's normal. And maybe it is by now. But there's just one thing that he can't get out of his head. He tilts his head to look back over at Dante, a little frown on his face.] Is it always like this? For you and Paco, I mean... is this... [He shrugs one shoulder slightly.] normal?

Isn't that technically playing hero? I don't do heroic. They're just as boring.

[Dante has done his fair share of heroic things for Hart, for Jerrie and Paco but he never liked to overly call attention to it. It was almost like he was admitting he wasn't all bad and that didn't sit overly right with him. Once he started thinking about heroics and morality and all that, things would get muddled and he didn't like the idea of it.

He lets Cisco steal his flask with no resistance, rolling his eyes and settling for crossing his arms, looking straight ahead and taking in the scenery. This STAR labs looked so different from the one he knew, this whole thing was so trippy. When Cisco speaks, he almost misses it before he catches himself, turning his head with a curious expression.] What? Normal? Well... [It takes him a moment to grasp what he means by normal. Him and Paco just hanging out? Wasn't that always the way with brothers?] Pretty much. We hang out a lot, we like being around each other, you know? Always did. For the first ten years of his life, Paco was pretty much my shadow. He followed me everywhere. Just sort of clung to me and hid behind me so I had to learn to love him, he wasn't going anywhere.

[Dante laughs and snags the drink back, waving it almost tauntingly at Cisco with an air of 'too slow' before he takes another drink, smiling fondly when he pulls back.] He made me promise, like a proper pinky swear, on the life of my favourite action figure, to always have his back. And I have. Even if he's an annoying know-it-all brat and that action figure is long gone.

Edited 2017-04-16 20:12 (UTC)

[Cisco shrugs a little.] It's still punching things.

[He smiles, a little wistful at the story about Paco following him around when they were kids and the ridiculous image of a tiny Paco making Dante make pinky swears over action figures. Sounds like something he might have done, if...]

I think I was about nine or ten when yo-- he...when he stopped wanting me to hang around. Right around the point he was starting high school. Told myself it'd be different later, get better when we're older because eventually the age gap wouldn't be as drastic as ten and fourteen are. [He shakes his head a little and fidgets with the zipper on his jacket.] It didn't...it just got worse.

It's hard when you're older and you want to break away, to make a name for yourself and stand in the same crowd as people your age and you've got a kid sort of holding you back. It can hurt your cred, I guess. If you don't know how to handle it. [He gets it, really he does, why this Dante made distance but he doesn't get why he had to be a jerk about it. There's no reason to avoid and to make it worse, they had to try and beat out the odds and stick together, that's what good brothers did.] I couldn't do it to Paco, he had a hard enough time without me ditching his ass. I was the favourite, you know? And he was sort of the target. I had to protect him, that was my job.

[He supposed that it's hard to make distance and get away from things when Paco needed him like that. He could have ditched his brother, it would have been so easy, he just never wanted to.] Being an older brother is hard. I wasn't always a good brother either. I pushed him to do things he didn't want to do, I was harsh on him, I told him to suppress everything he felt cause I didn't have 'time to deal with feelings'. Hell, I once stole his high school girlfriend. [Dante does laugh at that, unable to help himself.] He never let that one go. He still brings it up. Brought it up at his wedding.

[Well, that's something Cisco didn't know and it gives him pause. He frowns at the information, that Paco was apparently just as much the family punching bag as he was. Except that one, vital difference-- Paco had Dante in his corner.] So...mom and dad still played favorites on your Earth, too? I didn't know that.

[He had assumed.... well, he's not sure what he thought, but that hadn't been it. He knew Paco thought their parents were awful, but he'd never really gotten into the deeper details of why. And it makes sense, all things considered. It's what Dante taught him, apparently.

No wonder Dante had said he reminded him of a younger Paco. They're more alike than Cisco even realized.]

That I did know. [He says, pointing a falsely accusatory finger at him.] Because it happened to me, too.

Oh yeah, I was the first born, the 'favourite', Paco was just there and they never got him, Though I use the term favourite loosely, they didn't like either of us, they couldn't have. It's not like I ever had much of a life growing up, it was just hours of hours of piano practise. Constant playing. All the damn time. [To have a gift is a beautiful thing, to be forced to use it constantly until his fingers hurt and he hated his own talent? Not exactly beautiful. Dante didn't care for music any more. If anything, he completely avoided it.

He frowns, curious if that's something that is consistent to. Did this Dante like music? Maybe he was a great musician. It was a cool idea, he would have liked that.] Did he play? Your brother, I mean. Was he a prodigy like me?

[There was some consistency here, after all. Both Paco and Cisco were gifted in engineering and science still.]

And for the record, she came onto me. [Kind of. Mostly. Shut up.]

Yeah... [He nods a little, a sad smile that doesn't really reach his eyes playing on his lips.] He loved it. He played at Carnegie Hall twice. Mom and Dad just...they were all over it, gushing about his talents and everything. I guess the attention might have gone to his head a little. And I got yelled at for taking things apart to see if I could put them back together.

[He glances down sadly, fidgeting a little again.] Growing up, once he started pulling away...it kinda always felt like he chose music over me.

[He snickers a little and shakes his head. It was such old news now it didn't mater, he could laugh at it.] Yeah, yeah. Whatever.

I bet he still cared. He probably just had his head too far up his ass to see it and realise it. It happens, some people are like that. I know me pretty well, as far as I'm aware, and the one thing I know for certain is that family means a lot to me. It always means a lot to the Ramon brothers.

[And he knows that even if this version of him is a rude, spoilt, childish brat, he probably still loves him. When it came to their earths, the differences seemed to be minor. Like Paco and Cisco. They were different but the same. Surely that could be applied to him and his other half.]

Hermano. [Dante reaches out and puts his hand on Cisco's shoulder, trying to meet his eyes. He slips into Spanish instead of English, just to make what he's saying a little more personal.] He loved you, I promise. He was just an idiot over showing it.

[He nods a little, trying not to let those words get to him. To ignore the tightness in his chest as Dante points out how much family means to him. Because it's one of those things he always hoped was true about his own brother, something that let him hold onto the hope that one day, eventually, they could let go of all the bitterness and be... more like this.

Cisco is fine until he gets serious. Until Dante reaches over and puts his hand on his shoulder and says that. It's not the same, not really. He's not saying it to him, exactly, and he's the wrong version anyway, but it doesn't matter. Because this is his brother's face, his brother's voice, and any composure he had is gone, tears flood his eyes and spill across his cheeks as he squeezes his eyes shut. He doesn't care. He doesn't care that he's not his Dante, he doesn't care that he's probably going to punch him for what he's about to do. Without hesitating, Cisco tugs on the hand on his shoulder to pull Dante into a hug and for as long as he'll let him, he just clings.]

[Dante and Paco aren't big huggers, not since they'd grown up anyway. They'd hugged twice as an adult - when Paco got married and when Paco came back from the dead. Usually they found other ways to celebrate their happiness around each other, not being a touchy family for the most part but this version of Paco, Cisco, he was the kind who seemed to want this sort of thing. He wanted to be loved, to touch and feel. He still so young. Yeah, he knew that Paco and Cisco were the same age but he just seemed younger, he seemed more like he needed this kind of comfort and it was hard to see his brother like this.

That upset and that desperate.

So the hug isn't rejected. Dante holds him tight and pulls him in close, letting the other cry against him and just standing there, trying to handle all of these emotions.] S'okay, Cisco. Come on, it's going to be okay.

[It's a huge relief when Dante doesn't push him away, but it's so much it almost makes it worse, it makes Cisco's chest tighter so it's hard to breathe. He had been so certain that he wouldn't let him do this, that he'd be rejected and instead, it seems like Dante's instinct as a protective big brother pushes his own aversions to the side and gives into Cisco's needs instead. It all means more than he knows how to put into words.

Luckily, he's here with someone who isn't big on them, and probably doesn't really need them anyway.

Cisco isn't sure how long he stands there, clinging to his brother--he's his brother, he doesn't care, it doesn't matter that it's a different Earth's version, he's his brother--and trying to remember how to breathe, but eventually he calms down enough to pull away, swiping both hands under his eyes, looking away awkwardly now that things slowly sink in and back to normal. Or as normal as they can be.]

Sorry. [He mumbles, his voice a little scratchy from the crying. He clears his throat and tries again.] I just... [His eyes dart back up to catch Dante's, his voice quiet, and still a little more vulnerable than he'd like, but it's all genuine.] Thank you.

It's fine.

[It's weird, uncomfortable and he's definitely going to make Paco pay for getting him into this mess in the first place but it really is fine. Clearly Cisco needed this and he could do the right thing and play the role of brother for him. After all, it wasn't like the one that died was much of one in the first place and Dante felt a strange, new desire to protect build in him. This so wasn't fair, throwing people at him who looked just like his brother.]

You okay now? [He looks at Cisco carefully before reluctantly forcing himself to reach out again. Yep, more contact but apparently that was what tonight was about and he was just learning to live with it. He rubs his upper arm lightly and then, because he was an older brother and he reserved that right, he punches Cisco on the arm. Not hard, just enough to distract him from his misery.] Come on, you can't cry all day, someone will think it was me that did this to you. I'll end up with my ass kicked by a speedster. Or that hot chick you were talking to.

[There's a beat as something dawns on him. Shit.] Wait-- was that chick Killer Frost?

[It's not fine, it's weird and awkward, but...Cisco's still grateful for it, and glad that he'd indulged him for a little while.

He nods a little at the question, and even manages a half-hearted chuckle at the punch in the arm.] Yeah, don't worry, I'll set 'em straight.

[That name, however, has him instantly on edge. His voice goes from the softer, vulnerable place it'd been moments ago to something firm and a little snippy.] No. Her name is Caitlin Snow.

[So. Yeah. Killer Frost. He knew her name, he sort of knew her, he personally preferred Ronnie though. Annoying person, no self control but he was really fun to play against at cards. He had so many obvious tells.

He's sensing it's a sensitive spot so he holds up his hands and nods, not pushing the issue any further.] Got it, got it, Caitlin. My bad.

[What's all that baggage about? Whatever.] You feeling okay now? All good? [No more bursting into tears, right?]

[He's glad Dante doesn't press any more about Caitlin. He really doesn't feel like getting into that just now.

He huffs softly, a little amused, and nods.] Yeah, all good.

{Don't be gone when I get home, you're all I have

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