{We march like fools in this parade of chaos

[myheadisaprison]

PSL with mostlyajerk & trickedya

Comments

[mostlyajerk]

"I do, I do. Usually I'm good about eating at least, somewhat. I always like to keep going until I'm so tired I pass out, habit." There's something to be said against the schedule he grew up with. Either way, it's not the point now. Instead Hartley is smiling, leaning back on his hands. "You are actually telling me? Remind me to play chess with you. Or poker. Or anything, really."

Right, focus. "You have to realise that I think I'm smarter than just about anyone I've ever met and better at so many things than anyone in our field, but I'll also always think that I'm not good enough for you."

[thisismadfreaky]

He smirks a little and shrugs, "I suck at lying to people I care about. Funny how that works." His nose crinkles a little, "I have the worst poker face, no lie. Never play poker with me."

He frowns a little, partially because that just makes no sense to him at all and partially because...that's exactly what Axel had told him. The realization makes his stomach twist. "That's ridiculous," He unfolds himself and shifts closer to where Hartley's sitting. "because you are." If, for not other reason than because Cisco says so. Because in the end that's all that matters, isn't it?

[mostlyajerk]

"I don't like myself a lot. I've never liked myself. People have never liked me. Before--" Hartley pauses, swallowing and, with a shrug that tries to be dismissive, continues. "Before Wells, no one has ever even acted as if they like me. Well. One exception, maybe, but overall? You, Cisco, you come into a room and people smile. I can't do that. I've had... Three friends in my life, maybe?" Hartley holds up three fingers. "One was never a friend, Wells just used me, I'm not like you there either, you can bet he had no regrets over me. Not that I envy you that." At least he knows that he shouldn't. "Barry can't remember becoming my friend. He doesn't like being near me. He doesn't like you near me. He looks at me and I see in his eyes how bad I could have been."

How bad he has been, in another timeline. "The third's Axel and you know all about that."

[thisismadfreaky]

"I know," he says quietly with a sad smile, "and I know what that's like... I spent a lot of time not liking me, too. I guess I found my niche, but..." He shrugs and ignores the tightness at the mention of Wells, that Wells that was never one to begin with, the nightmare he'd had, yet again, so recently still too close to the surface to not give him that momentary pause. But he pushes past it and catches Hartley's fingers with his, wrapping his fingers around his own.

"I'm sorry," he says softly, "I wish he did remember." he manages a weak smile. "But you aren't...you aren't the person he remembers, and you've proven that...so many times now. There's nothing left to prove, and...if he wants to be twitchy about me and you, if-- if there is...a me and you...he'll just have to twitch. Because I know you're not who he sees." He lets go of Hartley's hand to reach up and brush his thumb across his cheek.

"I love you," he says it like it's a fact the same way the sky is blue and the grass is green. "and I don't care if there's somebody out there who's...some other person's perception of better, for me...I want you, Hartley Rathaway." He manages another small smile, the pain for that admission tucked away somewhere that it can't touch him, not right now at least. He'll deal with it later.

[mostlyajerk]

Hartley turns his head, placing a kiss to the inside of Cisco's wrist. He closes his eyes, but only for a moment. Axel, still an issue, he knows that. Him being who he is... Yes, it's easier to be alone. More painful, but at least he has already lost everything then. Instead Hartley finally looks at Cisco again, catching his eyes with more purpose this time. "I love you too."

So.

"Forgive me."

[thisismadfreaky]

Those words make his whole dumb 'I'm totally fine' facade crumble instantly. His expression melts and he leans over and presses his lips to Hartley's. "Yes. Yes, of course I do." If he seems over-eager, well, he is. This is all he's wanted since the night Hartley broke up with him and he's a little shell-shocked by it.

[mostlyajerk]

Hartley's chest is too tight and his mind is reeling, but Cisco tastes like coffee - or maybe that is him - and it feels right, even with his thoughts screaming in protest. Hartley kisses him back, pulls him closer, deepens the kiss until he finally pulls away, letting out a shaky laugh. "...I'm so gross, I need to shower."

[thisismadfreaky]

He leans into the kiss as Hartley tugs him closer, one hand going up to rest against his cheek. When he eventually pulls away, Cisco doesn't let him go very far, pressing their foreheads together. He chuckles softly, "You want some company?" He smirks suggestively.

.....And then his phone rings.

Not just a phone call, either, it's the ringtone he's got set for when Barry or Caitlin calls him from the lab-- the emergency ringtone, for all intents and purposes.

He groans, "Oh my god, are you kidding me?" He drags a hand down his face and leans back toward the couch to grab his phone. "I swear to god, this better be--" The frantic voice of his best friend on the other end, talking about bombs and a robbed candy store is enough to give him the rundown of dire. "I'm on my way," he mumbles reluctantly.

[mostlyajerk]

"Look at that, Barry's flinching even from across town." Hartley's already standing, halfway on his way towards the bathroom, but the look on Cisco's face says it all. So once Cisco ends the call, Hartley steps back over, pulls Cisco into another deep and urgent kiss, then pulls back, fingers still in his hair. So beautiful. "To be continued."

[thisismadfreaky]

Cisco kisses him back in kind and lets out a soft whine as he pulls away. "I shall return." He kisses him softly. A beat. "Eventually." He kisses Hartley again. "Tonight. Promise." One more time. He can't help it, okay?! Buuuut he really has to go. So he reluctantly pulls away and makes a mad dash out the door.