{I might be lost, but I'm not a lost cause

[myheadisaprison]

PSL with bringstheheat
Pre-canon things, teen things, etc...

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[mypriority]

"I don't know," he admits quietly. He doesn't know where to go from here or how to handle any of the inevitable fallout from it in the days and weeks to come. They can't just pretend nothing was ever said, any more than they can pretend nothing has changed.

He isn't sure what to say, but he knows he has to say something. But first? He moves from the chair to the couch, next to Mick. His fingers twitch and he reaches, pauses, and pulls back before finally reaching over again to wrap his fingers around Mick's. "I know it's the oldest line in the book, but-- you know it's not you, right? It's not... you didn't do anything, or not do something..." There's a huff of sound that manages to sound completely self-deprecating. "I just suck. I don't know, there- There's something wrong with me, I don't know," he shakes his head a little. "I'm still--" 'in love with you.', but his mouth moves wordlessly for a second and he tucks his chin toward his chest.

How did this ever seem easy? What had changed so much that made it hard for him to be himself, and express that, even around Mick? Leonard wishes he had the answer to that question so he could fix it, too. His eyes slide back up to Mick; if nothing else, he deserves to have this conversation face-to-face, no matter how hard it is for Leonard to get the words out. "You're my partner... always. Nothing changes that. Ever, okay? Nothing."

[bringstheheat]

Really the best thing Leonard can do is sit closer, reach out and touch and wrap his fingers around his. Touch he can give him, something to console and ground them both.

His eyes flick to Leonard's at the 'it's not you' because for years now he's honestly wondered. Was he just too needy? Was his timing that bad?

And Mick knows, as much as he might rail against it in the moment, that one day he'll break. His resolve will falter. He's strong but he's not inhuman. He can't hold out forever.

"Okay." And that one word is so goddamn hard to say. Partners. He.. he can live with that. As long as Leonard will have him, because he is hopelessly dependent on him. Needs him like he needs air. "Okay. Can we.. "a hard swallow because he's being needy again and he hates himself for it.

"Can we just go to bed? Please? I won't.. I won't do nothing. I promise." Mick just needs to lay close to him tonight and listen to him breathe. Try and sort out his head and his heart.

[mypriority]

"Okay," in all of its strangled glory, is the hardest word he thinks he's ever heard. Because it just sounds like a concession, an agreement he makes because he has to, but not necessarily because he wants to.

"Yeah," he chokes out, nodding at the request. It's such a simple thing to ask for, which might be why the question almost breaks him to hear. "Let's go," he says quietly, slowly getting to his feet, but he doesn't let go of Mick's hand like he might have usually.

[bringstheheat]

They get ready for bed in silence, just kicking off shoes and jackets and crawling beneath the covers in the dark. Simple and mundane activities that used to be a comfort, that used to calm Mick's restlessness.

Not tonight.
Mick keeps to his promise. He doesn't try anything, he doesn't even reach over to hold his hand or gather his partner into his arms like he so desperately wants to. To both offer and receive comfort.

He doesn't sleep that night. He can't, not with his head and his heart still at war over what had been said. A deal had been made and Mick still feels utterly sick over it.

Mick Rory loves Leonard Snart. He always will. He's been stupidly gone on him since a year or two after juvie and no matter how strained things got, no matter how frustrating he could be, Mick always comes back. Always. It's like Leonard has a gravitational pull all his own - one that draws Mick back in before he can even consider it's happening.

Mick is also pretty sure that Leonard loves him too.
Nobody would put up with his temperamental bullshit, his possessiveness and his impulse control problems if they didn't give a damn.

Mick also craves touch almost as deeply as he craves fire. Not random touch, nobody can just climb him like a mountain when they see fit, but when he needs it, when that itch beneath his skin is almost too much to bear, a hand will soothe it away almost as easily as fire.

Fuck.
He doesn't know what to do.
Mick wishes he was as smart as his partner in moments like this, moments when he needed to be able to think of another way to handle a situation because right now the only options all seem to involve some level of hurt.

They were so perfectly in sync during the heist.
It's just everywhere else that rhythm seems to have fallen apart and he hates it.

[mypriority]

Mick is nothing if not a man of his word. He's always been that way in all the time Leonard has known him. Sometimes things didn't pan out, but he never broke a promise if there was any chance he could keep it. Leonard never expected this to be different.

Sometimes, though, a person can be driven by something wholly subconscious, and while he sleeps, that is exactly what happens to Leonard that night. He starts on his own sidr of the bed, close enough his presence is still obvious but certsinly not touching by any means. But as the night draws on, and he's taken by sleep, he curls closer against Mick's side, fingers splayed lazily against his chest, an underlying need to somehow let him know that this is not changing everything between them, that he is still, and would always be, Mick's.