Lisa comes home late. It's closer to 1am than it is to midnight l, but she's a grownup now and if she wants to stay out late she can. The night hasn't been a total loss. She's had fun, but she wasn't inclined to go out with that man again.
She lets herself into the apartment she shares with her brother and Mick and is surprised to see lights coming from the living room. She walks in and is about to greet whoever it is on the couch and tease them for waiting up for her but the words die on her tongue at the way Her brother is just sitting there. Warning bells go off in her head and she has a feeling that he doesn't even know she's there.
She sets her stuff in her room, changes into pajamas quickly and goes to look for Mick. Not home. Okay. Something bad has obviously happened for Lenny to be this out of it.
She goes back to her brother and kneels before him on the couch so she can put herself in his field of vision. "Lenny?" He looks like maybe he's had a panic attack. The flat and yet wild look he gets after one is still there. But why is Mick not here? He's usually the first person Len finds when he has one.
Leonard isn't sure how long it took after Mick left for him to really calm down. 'Awhile' is about the best guess he had in hand. Once he calmed down enough that he remembered what breathing felt like, he got to his feet and made his way into the living room. He turned the tv on in hopes that it would distract him enough to prevent him from getting too stuck in his own head and spiraling all over again.
Presumably, it worked well enough, because he didn't find himself panicking again. But he wasn't really in a good state to be found in, either, when Lisa wanders in at late-o'clock.
He blinks, hard, when his sister suddenly fills his field of vision. "What?" he mumbles, coming out of the haze he always ends up in after something like that. "Oh, hey, Lise. When'd you get get home?"
Lisa's eyebrows furrow more in worry and she tilts her head slightly. "About ten minutes ago. Lenny...where's Mick? What happened?" She can tell something happened. She can tell whatever it was it probably wasn't very good...but judging from how her brother answers though might help her figure out what to do about it.
Heaven help her but both Mick and Len were bad at talking about feelings with her, and even worse with each other. She loves them too much though to stand back and watch them destroy the only real relationship either of them has that isn't with her. She's always felt a bit like they were her real parents...and as corny as it sounds..she hates it when mommy and daddy fight.
"We had a fight," it's become such a frequent occurrence that the words are almost robotic, they're so automatic. He hates that it's come to that, it was never supposed to be like this. "I- it was--" He sighs and runs a hand over his face. "the- same fight as always." He doesn't have to explain that, she's heard it enough.
Lisa doesn't touch him even though she kind of wants too. Neither of them are huge on touch for different reasons, she knows his reasons but she's fairly certain he doesn't know she knows.
"Lenny...have you told him why? Or did you just say it wasn't his fault?" She asks gently, well as gently as she can. Her tone is soft but the word choice isn't the best. She learned some tact and subtly from her brother but with Mick and her father and the company he kept...she could be crass and straight to the point regardless of how invasive or hurtful it seemed.
Maybe he's still a little out of it, because he doesn't catch the implication that she might know why. The question seems innocent enough on the surface; she's not dumb, of course there's a reason, even if no one else knows what it is.
"It's not his fault...why isn't that enough?" His voice is quiet, his eyes focused on his hands in his lap, fingers twisting together.
Lisa was silent for a moment before she spoke again, voice still soft. "Do you remember when I asked you what I did to make Lewis hate me so much....and you kept saying how it wasn't me it was him. But that answer didn't make me feel any less like it was my fault until you explained that there was something broken inside of him that made him hate himself which in turn made him hurt us so he could feel like he had control over something....maybe it's like that for Mick. He doesn't understand what happened to you...he can't help you fix it if he doesn't know what happened..."
The hurt people, hurt people spiel; he remembers it well. It was the only way he could make the abuse they suffered make any sense to her. Not that abuse ever truly makes sense, but the closest he could get to it at any rate.
His features falter a little, and his eyes flicker toward her for a second or two before dropping down to his hands again. She doesn't understand, either, he keeps having to remind himself of that. It's the kind of thing that changes the way people look at a person, and he doesn't think he could handle that. He doesn't want to see the pity in their eyes if the story is out there. Not to mention the rage-- it would be useless, and he doesn't want the burden on anyone else's shoulders, either. Wasn't it bad enough that he had it on his own, how could he ask anyone else to carry that, too?
"I don't think I can, Lise...it's-- it's not that simple."
"I really think you should try...but not tonight. I'll make you some hot chocolate and a sandwich. You should eat something and then try and sleep. I'll stay with you if you want. Till you're asleep." And then I'm going to find Mick and we're going to talk about this. If you can't tell him Lenny...then I'll try and tell him what little bit I know...She makes up her mind as she makes him a cup of hot chocolate with a ton of extra mini marshmallows and a simple sandwich she knew he would at least eat half of.
She returns to the couch and hands him the cup and sets the plate on the table before him. She sits beside him, close enough to be present, but not actually touching him. "I love you, Lenny. Okay. Nothing that you've done or not done or what have you could ever make me love you less."
There's this no-nonsense, arguments aren't gonna cut it way about her sometimes that Leonard doesn't dare try to attribute her earning from him. But it probably is. She just wears it better. Lisa is a commanding force when she wants to be, and right now, Leonard doesn't feel like fighting about anything else.
Some things never change, no matter how much older she gets, somehow Lisa still thinks that food and hot chocolate can fix half the world's problems. Of course, now she knows more about how the world works and knows that isn't true, but she's damned if she doesn't try it as a tactic, anyway.
He accepts the offerings when she returns from the kitchen, picking up the mug of cocoa first; maybe Leonard sort of wishes hot chocolate could fix all his problems, too. "Thanks, Lise... I love you, too." They aren't words he actually says much, even to her, because they're hard. But sometimes they're also necessary. And Leonard can always handle something when it's necessary.
Oh she totally learned that from him, and as many times as Mick or him stuck cocoa and grilled cheese sandwiches in front of her it's no wonder she thinks it's what you're supposed to do when people are upset. Even now at 19 it's still her gut reaction to do just that.m It's as much for her as it is for him...it gives her a chance to think a minute, to plan her next move. Something else she learned from him.
She sits silently with him, a comfortable presence, at ease around him even if there is still enormous almost typhoon like waves of tension wafting from her brother beside her. She would sit there though, as long as he needed her too.
Leonard doesn't talk much after that, unless Lisa wants to say something, because this whole night has become the most ridiculous mess that he doesn't know what to do with.
Once he's done with the food--she wasn't wrong in assuming he'd only eat half--he sighs and leans his head back against the back of the couch, staring up at the ceiling for a long moment. He looks over at Lisa and smiles a little, something humorless and a little sad. "I think I'm gonna try and sleep. Like you said."
Leonard knows he won't. Not until Mick gets home, at least. There's something about the empty space in the bed next to him that he can't handle. Even during a fight like the one they'd had tonight. Mick is the single most steady presence in his life outside of his sister and the lack of his presence is always obvious, and always hurts inside more than he would dare admit out loud.
But he can lay there and hope he falls asleep until then, anyway.
"Do you wanna sleep in my room? I changed the sheets this morning....might be...easier?" She didn't mean for it to be a question at the end but honestly when Len was this upset she knew there wasn't much she could do. Still she would offer her space if it meant he might sleep and he did need sleep after a panic attack.
Even if he winds up in his own room, the one he shares with Mick, she's gonna park her butt on the bed beside him, back to the headboard, a steady and still silent presence. She's gonna stay until hes asleep enough for her to leave without waking him. Or at least until he pretends well enough for her to humor him.
He shakes his head at the question, "No...thanks, though." She's always looking out for him and he can't hate that, even if he isn't into the idea she's presenting. Somehow, it just feels wrong to consider being anywhere else, even if being in the room he shares with Mick might hurt still, too.
He isn't at all surprised when Lisa follows him, quietly insistent on not actually leaving him alone. That may actually be for the best, if he's honest; if she's there, he's not as likely to get caught in the trap of his own head again, and that can never be a bad thing.
"Thanks," he says quietly as he slips back into the room after getting changed into something more comfortable than his usual jeans. She's already sitting there, propped against the headboard like she owns the whole damn bed. "for staying." he finishes softly, sinking down onto the bed in his rightful place.
She nods and smiles at him, doesn't speak because she's pretty sure whatever she says will make him get lost in his own mind again. So she instead lets him get settled before reaching over to turn off the light. Soon only moonlight filters into the room and lets her know he's awake. She would touch him, run her fingers over his head if she knew it would help him. But she knows it would make things worse...she...hasn't been able to do that for him for a long time now. Comfort him....physically at any rate. So she sits there, a silent soldier for however long he needs her to be one.
Leonard drifts in and out of a bit of a daze, but never really falls asleep, too many thoughts rolling through his mind to really let go. But Lisa's presence is enough to keep him a little more aware, not too far in his head.
Lisa waits until Len is mostly out, at least out enough that while he'll notice her leaving the bed he likely won't notice she left the apartment. She's silent as she slips on tennis shoes and a jacket before grabbing her keys and leaving going to look for Mick and hopefully save their relationship.
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Date: 2018-03-18 12:14 pm (UTC)She lets herself into the apartment she shares with her brother and Mick and is surprised to see lights coming from the living room. She walks in and is about to greet whoever it is on the couch and tease them for waiting up for her but the words die on her tongue at the way Her brother is just sitting there. Warning bells go off in her head and she has a feeling that he doesn't even know she's there.
She sets her stuff in her room, changes into pajamas quickly and goes to look for Mick. Not home. Okay. Something bad has obviously happened for Lenny to be this out of it.
She goes back to her brother and kneels before him on the couch so she can put herself in his field of vision. "Lenny?" He looks like maybe he's had a panic attack. The flat and yet wild look he gets after one is still there. But why is Mick not here? He's usually the first person Len finds when he has one.
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Date: 2018-03-19 01:15 am (UTC)Presumably, it worked well enough, because he didn't find himself panicking again. But he wasn't really in a good state to be found in, either, when Lisa wanders in at late-o'clock.
He blinks, hard, when his sister suddenly fills his field of vision. "What?" he mumbles, coming out of the haze he always ends up in after something like that. "Oh, hey, Lise. When'd you get get home?"
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Date: 2018-03-19 01:27 am (UTC)Heaven help her but both Mick and Len were bad at talking about feelings with her, and even worse with each other. She loves them too much though to stand back and watch them destroy the only real relationship either of them has that isn't with her. She's always felt a bit like they were her real parents...and as corny as it sounds..she hates it when mommy and daddy fight.
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Date: 2018-03-19 01:47 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2018-03-19 01:53 am (UTC)"Lenny...have you told him why? Or did you just say it wasn't his fault?" She asks gently, well as gently as she can. Her tone is soft but the word choice isn't the best. She learned some tact and subtly from her brother but with Mick and her father and the company he kept...she could be crass and straight to the point regardless of how invasive or hurtful it seemed.
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Date: 2018-03-19 01:59 am (UTC)"It's not his fault...why isn't that enough?" His voice is quiet, his eyes focused on his hands in his lap, fingers twisting together.
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Date: 2018-03-19 02:04 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2018-03-19 02:13 am (UTC)His features falter a little, and his eyes flicker toward her for a second or two before dropping down to his hands again. She doesn't understand, either, he keeps having to remind himself of that. It's the kind of thing that changes the way people look at a person, and he doesn't think he could handle that. He doesn't want to see the pity in their eyes if the story is out there. Not to mention the rage-- it would be useless, and he doesn't want the burden on anyone else's shoulders, either. Wasn't it bad enough that he had it on his own, how could he ask anyone else to carry that, too?
"I don't think I can, Lise...it's-- it's not that simple."
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Date: 2018-03-19 02:18 am (UTC)She returns to the couch and hands him the cup and sets the plate on the table before him. She sits beside him, close enough to be present, but not actually touching him. "I love you, Lenny. Okay. Nothing that you've done or not done or what have you could ever make me love you less."
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Date: 2018-03-19 02:26 am (UTC)Some things never change, no matter how much older she gets, somehow Lisa still thinks that food and hot chocolate can fix half the world's problems. Of course, now she knows more about how the world works and knows that isn't true, but she's damned if she doesn't try it as a tactic, anyway.
He accepts the offerings when she returns from the kitchen, picking up the mug of cocoa first; maybe Leonard sort of wishes hot chocolate could fix all his problems, too. "Thanks, Lise... I love you, too." They aren't words he actually says much, even to her, because they're hard. But sometimes they're also necessary. And Leonard can always handle something when it's necessary.
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Date: 2018-03-19 02:35 am (UTC)She sits silently with him, a comfortable presence, at ease around him even if there is still enormous almost typhoon like waves of tension wafting from her brother beside her. She would sit there though, as long as he needed her too.
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Date: 2018-03-19 02:50 am (UTC)Once he's done with the food--she wasn't wrong in assuming he'd only eat half--he sighs and leans his head back against the back of the couch, staring up at the ceiling for a long moment. He looks over at Lisa and smiles a little, something humorless and a little sad. "I think I'm gonna try and sleep. Like you said."
Leonard knows he won't. Not until Mick gets home, at least. There's something about the empty space in the bed next to him that he can't handle. Even during a fight like the one they'd had tonight. Mick is the single most steady presence in his life outside of his sister and the lack of his presence is always obvious, and always hurts inside more than he would dare admit out loud.
But he can lay there and hope he falls asleep until then, anyway.
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Date: 2018-03-19 02:55 am (UTC)Even if he winds up in his own room, the one he shares with Mick, she's gonna park her butt on the bed beside him, back to the headboard, a steady and still silent presence. She's gonna stay until hes asleep enough for her to leave without waking him. Or at least until he pretends well enough for her to humor him.
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Date: 2018-03-19 03:11 am (UTC)He isn't at all surprised when Lisa follows him, quietly insistent on not actually leaving him alone. That may actually be for the best, if he's honest; if she's there, he's not as likely to get caught in the trap of his own head again, and that can never be a bad thing.
"Thanks," he says quietly as he slips back into the room after getting changed into something more comfortable than his usual jeans. She's already sitting there, propped against the headboard like she owns the whole damn bed. "for staying." he finishes softly, sinking down onto the bed in his rightful place.
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Date: 2018-03-19 03:16 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2018-03-19 04:59 pm (UTC)He wonders how much longer Mick will be gone.
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Date: 2018-03-19 11:24 pm (UTC)