"Yeah, yeah I'm sure Lenny," and how he aches to have him touch him again, those casual and almost unconscious little passes of his fingers, trailing along his soul marks or along the curve of his arm. An easy smile and a squeeze of his hand. "I'm sure."
And as long as he keeps telling himself that, he will be, right?
But the pain doesn't go away, it just stays this time, a steady dull ache right beneath his skin. It starts to impact Mick's sleep, his studies, everything.
When he passes out at practice he's pretty sure he's fucked. Most of the team knows that he's Unmatched and the way his soulmarks are turning an angry red, well. They don't have to be erotologists to know what that means. An unrequited soul mate could cost Mick more than just a scholarship.
If Mick thinks that Leonard isn't taking avid note of every minor change he sees in him, he's sorely mistaken. He sees it all, in the way he seems to be in constant pain now, that's far more than simply football practice injuries; in how he tries to hide...how bad he feels; the way he's suddenly shifted habits even in his own dorm to constantly wearing thin, long-sleeve Henley's.
It takes longer than he would have liked for Leonard to put the pieces together, but he does eventually realize. It's not something he's ever really concerned himself with, nothing has ever come from the mark on the inside of his wrist. He never put much stock in the idea of soulmates, it just sounds ridiculous when it's said. One person in the world meant for everyone else? Meant for him? Yeah, right. That just sounds like a cosmic joke waiting to happen.
But this is different. This is Mick. So a confrontation is in order.
Except that plan gets taken in a different direction when he catches wind of Mick collapsing during practice. He doesn't do anything ridiculous like watch him at practice, but he knows some of the guys on the team now, and word made its way back. He didn't know what to make of the tight knot of panic in his chest at the story, and he didn't give it much thought.
He had to find Mick. He had to check on him and see him with his own eyes. So, as soon as he knew where to check-- either the school's clinic or his dorm-- he made his way to find him.
The pain is a constant presence now, dull static in the back of his head as it slows his reflexes and sharpens his temper because he can't have the one thing in this world that he so very desperately wants. That he needs.
Everyone on the team was there when he woke up in the clinic, offering what lame words they could to support him. Funny. Most of them didn't even care that the soulmate he was so fixed on was another guy. Hell, it was the kicker that called Snart to let him know something was up. But Allen always was a soft touch.
Mick drags himself to the door at the familiar patterned knock. His body is a wash of pain and he's so exhausted he can barely move.
"Lenny." A faint smile as he steps aside to let him in. At least he can see him now, before this whole soul mark mess winds up killing him dead.
His heart drums impatience against his chest as he waits for the door to open, only to skip at the sight greeting him on the other side. The kind that makes his mouth move wordlessly before he finds a meager, "Hey... uh- I heard....about," he waves a vague hand at nothing in particular. "practice."
He slips inside easily enough, door slipping quietly shut behind him. He leans against it, like he needs it for support, but what is heard more than seen is the quiet click of the lock sliding into place as he twists it. No interrupting visitors. Anyone else who might think Mick needs their attention right now can come back later.
There's a beat of silence after that click. And another. And one more, before Leonard finds his voice again. It doesn't matter that he's in pain--except for the way that's the only thing that matters to him at all right now--it just matters that Mick hears him, answers him. And honestly.
"It's--" A wave of his hand in the general direction of Mick's shoulder, where Leonard knows that mark rests. "it's the soul thing, right? That's what's...what's happening to you." It's so much more a confirmation of an already-existing assumption than it is an outright question.
There's a definite sag to his shoulders the moment that he mentions practice. Damnit Red. He should have figured that he'd wind up calling Snart about it. So Mick turns away, makes his way back to the couch where he settles uneasily.
He doesn't even register the lock sliding into place when he starts up again. Soul mark thing. Yeah. Something like that. Pining for Leonard Snart is going to wind up killing him.
But he's not gonna bullshit him. He isn't going to lie. Not really.
"Yeah. Yeah it's that. Unrequited," a hard sound. "Sucks but that's what it is."
"Well," he pushes off the door and takes slow, careful steps to follow him to the couch. "How do you know... I mean, for sure... that it's unrequited? This feels like a thing that could be fixed."
He sits on the edge of the coffee table in front of Mick, and it's obvious that he's in what Mick has long-since dubbed his planning mode. "Do you- do you know who it is? Isn't that....how it works? Like, you kind of...innately know when you meet them or- or something?" He really didn't research it much, if he's honest. He never thought it would be anything that made an affect on his life in any way.
"Maybe it's not unrequited. Maybe-- maybe they just don't know..." Wouldn't that make a difference, somehow? Admitting it to the person? He's not sure. He should have done more research on how this works....
Mick wants to laugh, or throw up, he isn't sure. How can he answer him without giving everything away?
A quiet sound as he scrubs a hand across his face. "Because I know Lenny," he answers. "Because if the other person felt the same I wouldn't be in this damn mess."
Mick sighs. He can't tell him. He can't. "It don't matter. I'm just kinda screwed."
There's something so...final in his words that doesn't sit well with Leonard. A feeling that he doesn't know the name of takes up residence like a vice in his chest, making it hard to breathe.
"So, you- you're just... giving up?" And he isn't sure why that feels like it means Mick's giving up on him, but Leonard feels it deep down into his bones. His voice is quiet and maybe even a pinch of fear edges its way into it. Losing Mick doesn't really sound like something he wants to go through. And the thought feels so stupid to even have, but...his heart hurts at the idea of it.
The broken sound in his question nearly unravels Mick's resolve.
He shakes his head, "Lenny, the other one, they don't feel the same. If they did I wouldn't be in this fuckup, right?" Maybe there's a plea in there somewhere, desperate for someone else to make sense of this with him.
"so this is just me," he shrugs a bit. "I gotta find some way to make peace with it."
"No," he mumbles quietly, shaking his head, more resolve coming through the next time, "No, I-- I don't buy that you walked into my life just for me to lose you a handful of months later." That can't be right. It can't. He was too important to be just that.
But it doesn't really feel like his words make a difference. They don't matter. Mick has already decided what he's doing with this.
"Lenny," his voice softens. "He doesn't love me back. What do I do? Tell him if you don't love me I'm gonna go crazy with the pain? I'm not gonna put guilt like that on anyone. I can't."
He can't because Leonard already carries so much on his shoulders, Mick refuses to add to that weight.
Leonard doesn't have an answer for that, because he can understand where Mick is coming from, so instead his gaze just drops to his hands in his lap as he tries to think through it. There has to be a loophole somehow... right?
"We'll figure something out." he insists quietly, not near as much conviction in his voice as he would have liked. He's not sure he's ever heard of any loopholes in the soulmate mythos, but he'll damn sure look for it and if it exists, he'll find it.
"Hey," Mick reaches out and closes a hand gently around his. They've gotten far enough in their friendship that he can do that much provided he telegraphs every movement ahead of time so Leonard can move out of the way if the idea of touch is too much to handle.
"If anyone can figure this shit out it's you," he assures him.
"Let's.. let's just go grab a movie okay?" It's almost a plea, needing something normal and sane given what will probably happen to him in a few weeks. He just wants to curl up on the bed with Lenny and watch something stupid. "You can even pick."
He watches as Mick reaches for him, and he doesn't pull away or stop it. Instead, he wraps his fingers around Mick's and nods, "'Kay." is all he can manage. His lips twitch a little at the offer to even let him pick.
His choice is a ridiculous one, A Fish Called Wanda, because he thinks they could both use something funny just now.
And soon it's just like normal, pillows stuffed up behind them, Lenny on his right and the movie flickering in the dimmed room. It feels good. Safe. He can almost forget about the pain with him so close, the tug of the soul bond humming just beneath his skin.
And just like normal about halfway through the movie, there are cool fingers on his skin, tracing idle patters along his forearm or moving up to his shoulder. The tension slips from Mick's shoulders as he relaxes into the touch. It doesn't hurt. His soul marks don't hurt.
It's almost enough to make him say something but Mick doesn't want this moment to end. He'll say something in the morning. Maybe that'll be the loophole Lenny talked about.
Leonard sinks into comfortable silence with Mick, focusing on the movie and doing his best to just not think. Thinking would be his downfall right now and he doesn't want to ruin this moment.
He's always so much more comfortable when he's with Mick, particularly when it's just the two of them. He kind of sinks down into something completely haze-filled and foreign. He does stop thinking, he just lets whatever feels right happen. Like when he starts drawing idle patterns against the palm of Mick's hand with his own fingers. A slow slide across his wrist and up his arm to the marks on his shoulder.
He always notices it eventually, though. And he freezes, like he's suddenly innately aware he's been doing this for too long to be natural. He doesn't speak, scared to call real attention to it, but he does slowly start to pull his hand back, not sure he should be so touchy like this or not. He isn't the person in the world that was made for Mick, it isn't really his place.
The moment he freezes, the moment it dawns on Lenny what he's been doing is one that Mick always hates. He never wants him to stop, never wants him to feel like he shouldn't touch when he wants to.
Only this time, Mick finally speaks when those touches start to slow and eventually stop. "Y'don't have to. Stop I mean," he hedges. "I've never minded and it.. it doesn't hurt. When you do that."
He feels his heart skip a beat or two when Mick speaks as he tries to pull his hand back again. Like he was caught doing something he shouldn't be. Except he's told the absolute opposite and there's a dissonance in the feeling and the words and--
"Really?" All he could focus on was 'it doesn't hurt' and that makes the entire thing different.
"Really," he promises, reaching to gently close his hand around his wrist and draw his hand back to his arm. "I never minded before and now," he rolls a shoulder. "I guess it helps somehow. They don't burn anymore."
"You didn't?" He seems surprised, like this couldn't be anything besides an annoyance or a nuisance, especially before he realized that it eased the pain. A small smiles slides across his lips and he resumes the idle patterns he was drawing against his skin.
"Naw, of course not," he answers, an almost fond note to his voice. "I never minded."
And then he's smiling and going back to drawing abstract patterns along his skin and it feels like heaven to Mick. Cool and sure touches chasing away the itching burn of unrequited soul marks, soothing him into finally being able to relax.
It shouldn't come as much of a shock when those light touches lull Mick into the first restful sleep he's had in weeks.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2018-08-27 04:58 pm (UTC)And as long as he keeps telling himself that, he will be, right?
But the pain doesn't go away, it just stays this time, a steady dull ache right beneath his skin. It starts to impact Mick's sleep, his studies, everything.
When he passes out at practice he's pretty sure he's fucked. Most of the team knows that he's Unmatched and the way his soulmarks are turning an angry red, well. They don't have to be erotologists to know what that means. An unrequited soul mate could cost Mick more than just a scholarship.
no subject
Date: 2018-08-27 07:25 pm (UTC)It takes longer than he would have liked for Leonard to put the pieces together, but he does eventually realize. It's not something he's ever really concerned himself with, nothing has ever come from the mark on the inside of his wrist. He never put much stock in the idea of soulmates, it just sounds ridiculous when it's said. One person in the world meant for everyone else? Meant for him? Yeah, right. That just sounds like a cosmic joke waiting to happen.
But this is different.
This is Mick.
So a confrontation is in order.
Except that plan gets taken in a different direction when he catches wind of Mick collapsing during practice. He doesn't do anything ridiculous like watch him at practice, but he knows some of the guys on the team now, and word made its way back. He didn't know what to make of the tight knot of panic in his chest at the story, and he didn't give it much thought.
He had to find Mick. He had to check on him and see him with his own eyes. So, as soon as he knew where to check-- either the school's clinic or his dorm-- he made his way to find him.
no subject
Date: 2018-08-27 07:36 pm (UTC)Everyone on the team was there when he woke up in the clinic, offering what lame words they could to support him. Funny. Most of them didn't even care that the soulmate he was so fixed on was another guy. Hell, it was the kicker that called Snart to let him know something was up. But Allen always was a soft touch.
Mick drags himself to the door at the familiar patterned knock. His body is a wash of pain and he's so exhausted he can barely move.
"Lenny." A faint smile as he steps aside to let him in.
At least he can see him now, before this whole soul mark mess winds up killing him dead.
no subject
Date: 2018-08-27 07:46 pm (UTC)He slips inside easily enough, door slipping quietly shut behind him. He leans against it, like he needs it for support, but what is heard more than seen is the quiet click of the lock sliding into place as he twists it. No interrupting visitors. Anyone else who might think Mick needs their attention right now can come back later.
There's a beat of silence after that click. And another. And one more, before Leonard finds his voice again. It doesn't matter that he's in pain--except for the way that's the only thing that matters to him at all right now--it just matters that Mick hears him, answers him. And honestly.
"It's--" A wave of his hand in the general direction of Mick's shoulder, where Leonard knows that mark rests. "it's the soul thing, right? That's what's...what's happening to you." It's so much more a confirmation of an already-existing assumption than it is an outright question.
no subject
Date: 2018-08-27 07:52 pm (UTC)He doesn't even register the lock sliding into place when he starts up again. Soul mark thing. Yeah. Something like that. Pining for Leonard Snart is going to wind up killing him.
But he's not gonna bullshit him. He isn't going to lie.
Not really.
"Yeah. Yeah it's that. Unrequited," a hard sound. "Sucks but that's what it is."
no subject
Date: 2018-08-27 08:02 pm (UTC)He sits on the edge of the coffee table in front of Mick, and it's obvious that he's in what Mick has long-since dubbed his planning mode. "Do you- do you know who it is? Isn't that....how it works? Like, you kind of...innately know when you meet them or- or something?" He really didn't research it much, if he's honest. He never thought it would be anything that made an affect on his life in any way.
"Maybe it's not unrequited. Maybe-- maybe they just don't know..." Wouldn't that make a difference, somehow? Admitting it to the person? He's not sure. He should have done more research on how this works....
no subject
Date: 2018-08-27 11:22 pm (UTC)How can he answer him without giving everything away?
A quiet sound as he scrubs a hand across his face. "Because I know Lenny," he answers. "Because if the other person felt the same I wouldn't be in this damn mess."
Mick sighs. He can't tell him. He can't. "It don't matter. I'm just kinda screwed."
no subject
Date: 2018-08-27 11:34 pm (UTC)"So, you- you're just... giving up?" And he isn't sure why that feels like it means Mick's giving up on him, but Leonard feels it deep down into his bones. His voice is quiet and maybe even a pinch of fear edges its way into it. Losing Mick doesn't really sound like something he wants to go through. And the thought feels so stupid to even have, but...his heart hurts at the idea of it.
no subject
Date: 2018-08-27 11:53 pm (UTC)He shakes his head, "Lenny, the other one, they don't feel the same. If they did I wouldn't be in this fuckup, right?" Maybe there's a plea in there somewhere, desperate for someone else to make sense of this with him.
"so this is just me," he shrugs a bit. "I gotta find some way to make peace with it."
no subject
Date: 2018-08-28 12:25 am (UTC)But it doesn't really feel like his words make a difference. They don't matter. Mick has already decided what he's doing with this.
no subject
Date: 2018-08-28 01:47 pm (UTC)He can't because Leonard already carries so much on his shoulders, Mick refuses to add to that weight.
no subject
Date: 2018-08-28 04:15 pm (UTC)"We'll figure something out." he insists quietly, not near as much conviction in his voice as he would have liked. He's not sure he's ever heard of any loopholes in the soulmate mythos, but he'll damn sure look for it and if it exists, he'll find it.
no subject
Date: 2018-08-28 05:28 pm (UTC)"If anyone can figure this shit out it's you," he assures him.
"Let's.. let's just go grab a movie okay?" It's almost a plea, needing something normal and sane given what will probably happen to him in a few weeks. He just wants to curl up on the bed with Lenny and watch something stupid. "You can even pick."
no subject
Date: 2018-08-28 06:28 pm (UTC)His choice is a ridiculous one, A Fish Called Wanda, because he thinks they could both use something funny just now.
no subject
Date: 2018-08-28 06:52 pm (UTC)And just like normal about halfway through the movie, there are cool fingers on his skin, tracing idle patters along his forearm or moving up to his shoulder. The tension slips from Mick's shoulders as he relaxes into the touch.
It doesn't hurt.
His soul marks don't hurt.
It's almost enough to make him say something but Mick doesn't want this moment to end.
He'll say something in the morning. Maybe that'll be the loophole Lenny talked about.
no subject
Date: 2018-08-28 07:14 pm (UTC)He's always so much more comfortable when he's with Mick, particularly when it's just the two of them. He kind of sinks down into something completely haze-filled and foreign. He does stop thinking, he just lets whatever feels right happen. Like when he starts drawing idle patterns against the palm of Mick's hand with his own fingers. A slow slide across his wrist and up his arm to the marks on his shoulder.
He always notices it eventually, though. And he freezes, like he's suddenly innately aware he's been doing this for too long to be natural. He doesn't speak, scared to call real attention to it, but he does slowly start to pull his hand back, not sure he should be so touchy like this or not. He isn't the person in the world that was made for Mick, it isn't really his place.
no subject
Date: 2018-08-28 07:40 pm (UTC)Only this time, Mick finally speaks when those touches start to slow and eventually stop. "Y'don't have to. Stop I mean," he hedges. "I've never minded and it.. it doesn't hurt. When you do that."
no subject
Date: 2018-08-28 07:49 pm (UTC)"Really?" All he could focus on was 'it doesn't hurt' and that makes the entire thing different.
no subject
Date: 2018-08-28 07:51 pm (UTC)"Really," he promises, reaching to gently close his hand around his wrist and draw his hand back to his arm. "I never minded before and now," he rolls a shoulder. "I guess it helps somehow. They don't burn anymore."
no subject
Date: 2018-08-28 08:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2018-08-28 08:08 pm (UTC)And then he's smiling and going back to drawing abstract patterns along his skin and it feels like heaven to Mick. Cool and sure touches chasing away the itching burn of unrequited soul marks, soothing him into finally being able to relax.
It shouldn't come as much of a shock when those light touches lull Mick into the first restful sleep he's had in weeks.