{Let me slip into your soul, I want to make a home there

[myheadisaprison]

PSL with bringstheheat
Of late nights and quiet mornings

Comments

[gaynotblind]

The thing about the Legends is...every mission comes with risks, and sometimes things goes sideways. That's just the status quo. They do their best to avoid the worst of it, but people get hit, people get hurt, and that's what led Leo to being laid up in medical, on a hefty cocktail of pain meds, thanks to Gideon. "Did you know that Gideon is better than," a sweeping wave of one hand as he talks to Mick, "any doctor I've ever had? I mean, really. This is-- I'm not in any pain. At all." It might be safe to say he has no real tolerance for pain killers.

[bringstheheat]

Sooner or later they all wind up in here.
That doesn't make it any easier to bear witness to. Not after he'd made his promise to Ray (the other one) following a frantic call about things going sideways on Earth X.

"You keep him there. You keep him safe Mick. He'll listen to you."

A promise Mick had made with the full intent of telling Leo right after, which is naturally when things went sideways.

So he keeps watch while he's healing up.
He owes him that before telling him the truth.

"Yeah. She's got access to the really good stuff." Grumble. "Stop trying to get up damnit. Lay still."

[gaynotblind]

"But I feel totally fine, Mickey. Honest, I can't even tell my ribs are bruised." He's still, stubbornly, trying to get up, like if he gets to his feet, he can prove to Mick just how absolutely fine he is. He squints up at the other man, "Why're you all growly?"

[bringstheheat]

Mickey.
He breathes out. "I ain't Mickey and you ain't home, remember?"

A heavy hand falls to his shoulder. "Stay down damnit. I made a promise after all."

[gaynotblind]

He frowns a little. He's so testy, why is-- Oh. His features practically crumble as the realization creeps in. "Oh. No, I know that. I know you're not- I just- Sorry." He doesn't feel like he can fight him after a slip like that. It sort of sobers him a little and he leans back against the chair Mick is trying to keep him in. The second comment brings a confused look flickering across his face. He wonders if he should stop leaning so hard into the touch on his shoulder. It's a kind of comfort he can't even explain, which is good because everything about Mick's demeanor and words rubs wrong, somehow. "What do you mean? What promise?"

[bringstheheat]

"Your guy," he answers roughly. Trying to ignore the spike of jealously deep in his chest.

"He asked me to keep you safe," he clarifies. "Said shit went wrong with the Nazis. Was gonna tell you after the job but you had to go and get a concussion."

[gaynotblind]

The mention of Ray, no, Ray at home and in danger, while he's gallivanting through time with the Legends, pushes a spike of panic through him. "What?" All he can focus on for a moment is the sound of his own heartbeat in his fears. "Keep me... No. No! If- if that's bad, I- I have to go, Mick. I can't... I- I can't..." But words are lost to the mess of panic and drugs and he shoves a hand over the top of his head. "How am I supposed to just stay here when- when he needs me?" The question is practically ripped out of him, all of that raw emotion shining in to-bright eyes as he looks back up at Mick.

[bringstheheat]

He can't keep him here.
He can't.

Every time Leonard, his Leonard made a decision for him, every time he made a call without asking, Mick would lie to himself, he'd tell himself that it was okay because Lenny was smarter, knew what he was doing.
He'd lie to himself every time because Mick knew what he was doing. It was all about control and it was so easy to offer that up to make him happy.
Because he loved him.

With Leo looking up at him, panic and fear written into his expression, Mick knows he can't do it.
He can't keep Leo from going back.
He can't take that decision away from him.

"That's what he asked me to do. But if you need to go, you go." Mick fiddles with the cuff on Leo's wrist. "'s your call what you do, nobody else's."

[gaynotblind]

There are too many emotions crowding in at once, he can't really seem to pick which one to be. "I don't understand... why would he... why wouldn't he want me there, with him?"

{The buried wreckage of my soul, spinning, coming undone

[gaynotblind]

The team is piling back on the ship, barely back on deck from the latest mission when Gideon's voice rings out. "You have a call, Mr. Snart. Shall I put it through?" There's not even a skip in accepting the call, assuming it's Ray calling to let him know things are calmer, better somehow. Except it isn't Ray that appears on the screen. It's General Schott, and just that alone is a gut-check of it's own. "No," his voice breaks, even in that one word, and he's shaking his head, even as the General goes into the story. A valiant fight, standing on every principle they've fought for right until the end, people were saved for his efforts, but... but he didn't make it out. Schott offers his version of consolation before the connection goes dead. Everything after that is kind of a blur. His eyes are clouded, his head fuzzy. The world feels like it's crumbling at his feet, and suddenly gravity has disappeared as his knees give out to the weight of the news. The fact that the entire team heard it, that they were all there and watching him unravel completely in seconds doesn't even occur to him. He doesn't care, because his life just splintered and shattered in the last five minutes.

[bringstheheat]

The moment the face appears, grim and set, Mick knows that it's all gone wrong. One swift glance at Sara and she's moving, shooing the rest of the crew off of the bridge and towards the library to afford Leo some privacy in his grief and loss.

When Leo pitches forward, he doesn't connect with the ground. Strong arms catch him, walking him back to his room.
Carrying him if need be.

Leo might not have a hard time showing emotion but Mick is more than a little sure this isn't a breakdown he wants to share with the entire crew.

[gaynotblind]

Leo would not have cared, in that second, if everyone in the universe witnessed his spiral. Nothing else in the world even existed just now, only this news, and his heartbreak. And strong arms saving him from a full-blown collapse on the floor. Mick doesn't quite have to carry him, but Leo is glad for the support because he might not have made it otherwise. He curls, almost instantly, into Mick once they're in the room, though. Face pressed against his shoulder and just sobs, and he doesn't care if it's awkward. He needs to get through this part, and he can not do it alone.

[bringstheheat]

Leo wilts completely into his arms and Mick holds him as he sobs out his grief. Such open displays of affection are utterly alien to him, but the sense of loss? Yeah, yeah he gets it. In the quiet of Leo's room, away from prying eyes Mick doesn't have any qualms holding him as he grieves for his guy.

He doesn't say anything because there's nothing he really can say.
'I've been there, it sucks. You'll go around feeling utterly gutted for ages.'
Yeah, not exactly helpful.

So he holds Leo, one heavy hand resting between his shoulderblades, moving in slow circles until the storm of tears starts to abate.

[gaynotblind]

This might take awhile, and the shoulder of Mick's shirt might be soaked through before it's over. But eventually, the biggest part of this tide does calm and Leo has to try to remember what breathing feels like. His breaths are still quick, too shallow, even as he pulls away, still so broken, too torn to do much more. He doesn't even really move, or step back, or let go of Mick's shirt twisted in his grip. "I wasn't-- I should have--" his mouth moves with all the will to speak and none of the right words to say before his features crumble again.

[bringstheheat]

"No," Mick answers quietly.

"You couldn't know. You couldn't."
The same way he couldn't know that Leonard would have knocked his ass out to take his place at the Oculus. The guilt had drowned him for the better part of a team and no way will he let Leo follow that same broken path alone.

.. he likes the guy too much to see him suffer alone.

[gaynotblind]

"I did know," He argues, eyes full of unshed tears. "That...place...as broken and ruined as it is, it's my home, I have never not known the risks, Mick. I should have- I should have gone home." This. This feeling. It's something he'll never let go of. Like he never let go of Mickey. Or Lisa. Or so, so many other deaths he's suffered. Every one counted and mourned. Now Ray is another one to carry in his heart forever, along with all of the others.

[bringstheheat]

"You stayed cause he asked you to. You didn't know what'd happen. You didn't know." His counter is firm as he shifts a little but makes no attempt at pushing Leo away or to stop him from clinging in his grief and his loss.

{Everywhere I turn, there you are

[gaynotblind]

It's a curious thing, grief. The way it winds its way around your heart and refuses to let go. No matter how much time passes, distancing a person from whatever caused it in the first place, grief never truly goes anywhere. It continues to exist, in whatever ways it can. But what makes it easier to deal with is having people to count on. Which Leo has steadily noticed, his most constant presence is Mick Rory. When he isn't busy playing second to Sara's Captaining Decisions, he is always just.... there. At first, it was easy to say it was because of how fresh and new the pain was, that Mick was checking on him out of an almost-obligatory sort of way. But... time passes and passes and passes and it doesn't really stop. And Leo is beginning to realize that this is not something Mick sees as a necessity, or a job, but it is, actually, just who he is. What he does. He doesn't do well with words or emotions, but being there is always, always a thing he can do, and be, and he's done and been that, at every turn. Leo is perched in the library, skimming titles for something to read. More for something to do than any research that really needs doing just yet. He pauses, a finger hovering over the spine of a book as a slow smirk spreads across his lips. "Do you know that I can actually feel it when you're in a room, Mick?" He asks, turning toward the tower of a man.

[bringstheheat]

Feelings.
He doesn't like expressing them, he's never learned how. But that doesn't mean that Mick doesn't have them. He knows how much it hurts to lose someone, how that grief can cut right to the bone and never really heal up again.

So he stays close. He looks after Leo.
He sits with him when he needs company. They don't have to talk. They don't have to touch, even.

Mick gives him food when he needs to eat, bullies him into sleeping when he's too exhausted to function. He sits in the library while he reads or perches on the office stairs while he works.

A snort at the statement.
"Better books are on the other shelf." Much easier to talk about that than the idea that Leo can feel him.

[gaynotblind]

He smiles, taking a few carefully measured steps toward him. "And which one would you suggest for a little late night indulgence before bed, hm?" It's a genuine question, he values Mick's opinions on the matter.

[bringstheheat]

It's strange, how he's getting used to those smiles of Leo's. At some point he's even stopped comparing his mannerisms to his lost partner. This is Leo and he's wholly different in every way that matters. Ways that have come to matter to Mick.

Mick rolls a shoulder, ambling into the library to pull down a pair of books he's read before on Nate's recommendation. "Try these. Pretty likes em well enough, they aren't that bad."

[gaynotblind]

It's an easy smile that slides across his face, reaching to take the books from him. "Alright, I'll try it out." He glances over the synopsis, but at this point it doesn't even matter what the book is about, he's going to read it if only because Mick said he should. "I should thank you," he says, his voice suddenly a little softer, a little quieter, in such a way it is obvious this is no longer about the books, even if it may not be obvious what else it might be about. Abrupt subject changes are rather hard to follow with no lead into them, after all.

[bringstheheat]

Damn.
This part is inevitable, even if Mick would like to avoid it a little while longer.
Like forever.

But they're alone in the library.
So he rolls a shoulder, a half-shrug. "You don't have to."

He will though. He will because it's Leo and losing his guy had been a devastating blow. He'll thank him because that's the kind of person he is, good and kind even living in a world where the Nazis won.

[gaynotblind]

"Yes," he gives Mick a pointed look. "I do. There is no obligation for you to have done what you've been doing." He sets the books aside and clasps his hands together as he turns back toward Mick. "But I appreciate it all the same. Truly. I..." He hesitates, whether for the need to choose the right word or a wave of emotion is debatable. "I don't think I would be where I am in the process, without you. Your presence has been...a relief. To know that I'm not alone means a great deal to me, more now than ever."

[bringstheheat]

The process.
Only Leo would find some official sounding word for grief. For that horrible sense of loss. He looks down at his hands, free from the usual gloves and empty of a beer bottle. Nothing to fiddle with. Damnit.

"I get it," he volunteers quietly. Mick knows what it means to grieve, even if he'd never grieved for Leonard quite so openly.

"I didn't.." a pause. A swallow. Damnit this shit's hard, but he owes it to Leo to try. "I didn't want you to be alone. Know how hard that is. Was." Whatever.