"It wasn't a joke." The words roll out before he has time to think them through, and he realizes how true that fact is when it's hanging there in the space between them, waiting to be accepted. Rejected. Whichever direction it might go.
Except. Well. Mick's next words make that second option seem suddenly a lot less likely. There's almost a lift of tension out of him at hearing it because there's this borderline admission standing in the middle space between where Mick is standing, looking every bit as shocked and stunned as Leonard feels, and Leonard just stares up at him, half-bewildered, half-pleased.
"I don't think I'd mind so much." If not for the heavy-serious weight of the words, it would almost sound like a joke, just another quip to cast off all the three-and-counting years of building, building, building tension between them. But as it is, it's not a joke at all, but his own sort of admission, too.
A sudden flurry of movement, Leonard shifts in his seat on the couch, one leg folded under him, the other with his foot on the floor, bouncing with all the nerves rushing through him with the words he's about to say. He doesn't say words, he doesn't do this, it's unnerving, but Mick deserves at least this much, to understand, to know this is maybe exactly how it looks, now.
"I've never-- I mean, you know.... people, they don't really show up on my radar. I don't care, because they don't really catch my attention. But...you have. You've always existed in this space above other people, this-- priority I can't really ever let go of, even when I'm not here." He's been talking mostly to the rest of the room until now, staring pointedly up at Mick, desperation clouding his eyes as he really, really, needs the older boy to be able to make sense of all that rambled mess. "D'you get... what I'm saying?"
Mick blinks. This was not what he had expected at all. He had expected Len to laugh or storm out or tell him to forget about it. Not to... basically admit he feels the same way. At least that is what Mick thinks he is saying. Mick's heart skips a beat or two as his brain starts rebooting. Len feels the same way. Fuck. He has no idea what to do with this information.
Well, his mind doesn't, but the rest of him does. Mick reaches out to pull Len in, his grip gentle like he is terrified of breaking Len, or breaking this moment. Then he leans down to kiss him. It is a sloppy nervous kiss but a kiss none the less.
There is no resistance, even in the confusion temporarily spilling across his face, as Mick tugs him up and toward him, leaning until his lips are against Leonard's-- and that's when everything shuts down. All thoughts are gone as his senses are invaded in ways, truth be told, he's never bothered to experience. He presses somehow closer, and up, onto his toes, to return that messiest of first kisses.
Mick kisses him as long as he can on that one breath and then he only pulls back about an inch. "I've wanted to do that for years." He admits. Because if there is anyone who deserves to know he is wanted it is Len. "Shit, fuck, what do we do now."
"Really?" The shock of that admission is plainly painted across his face, unable to be ignored, especially from so close. "Years?" his echo of the word is borderline incredulous, like he can't fathom anyone harboring such desires for him for such a long time.
At the question, he's uncertain, his shoulders rolling in a shrug. "I don't know."
Mick nods. Then he shrugs a little. "I'll go get us food. I..." Part of him is terrified that if he leaves Len won't be here when he gets back. On the other hand, what if he is. That idea scares Mick almost as much as the idea of him not being there.
He blinks at that sudden shift in his words. "I-- what? N-no, why-- why would we do that?" Leonard isn't usually one to trip over his words, or appear anything less than far more put together on the outside than he may ever feel on the inside, but Mick has always sort of managed to get him off his normal footing.
Mick bites his lip. "If you... If you don't want this I mean." He's obviously nervous about it. "I... I'd much rather have you as my friend than you being uncomfortable with this. I just... I'll get over it if you need me to." Because why would Len want to be with him after all.
For a second, all he can do is stare, like maybe he missed some vital social cue he was trying to sort out suddenly. Then, deciding it wasn't that and this was Mick being Mick about things, he blinks. Twice. And frowns. "You heard all of that, before, right? With the-- radars and the attention-catching?"
He rolls his lips together, debating the best, next words he wants to tumble out of his mouth. He's flying on some kind of high that is part-panic, part-elation, and all the mess of good-and-bad nerves makes it hard to focus, but he wants Mick to really hear him. "Mick, you... you're the only person on this entire fucking planet besides my sister that I give a shit about, okay? And-- you're important to me, and I don't know what kind of shape that is going to take, but I know that whatever it is, I wanna figure it out. With you."
This might be the first, and last, time they ever talk even at the edges of feelings. But if it quells whatever wild doubts are raging wars in the back of Mick's mind right now, Leonard's okay with that.
Mick licks his lips and then he reaches out to pull Len close and kiss him hard again. He isn't sure what he wants to say, all he knows is that right now, he wants Len, and Len is all but giving him permission to want him. The kiss is hard and rough and desperate and Mick moves so soon enough Len's pinned between him and the wall and Mick's kisses are shifting to trail down his neck.
He wanted to take it slow, to give Len time, to give himself time. But now he just wants this and he doesn't want to stop, but he forces himself to at least pause, one hand on Len's hip as he pulls back enough to look at him. "This ok?"
Somehow, Leonard is still surprised by the action, even if it makes more sense than almost anything else might have-- Mick is far more of a 'show, don't tell' kind of person. Still, surprise aside, Leonard curls into him, kissing him back, soft and tentative at first, some part of him still trying to feel this out. Except it takes a sharp turn when Mick pins him against the wall, an eagerness he couldn't have anticipated making his kiss rougher and hungrier.
"Yeah," He nods at the question, breathless but fervent.
Mick doesn't say anything after that, instead, his hands and lips are back on Len. He nips at Len's neck and then pulls at his shirt. He knows he should probably take it slower but he's been wanting this for too long and right now the thought of Len pressed against him is intoxicating.
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myheadisaprison) wrote2019-01-13 08:28 pm
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Except. Well. Mick's next words make that second option seem suddenly a lot less likely. There's almost a lift of tension out of him at hearing it because there's this borderline admission standing in the middle space between where Mick is standing, looking every bit as shocked and stunned as Leonard feels, and Leonard just stares up at him, half-bewildered, half-pleased.
"I don't think I'd mind so much." If not for the heavy-serious weight of the words, it would almost sound like a joke, just another quip to cast off all the three-and-counting years of building, building, building tension between them. But as it is, it's not a joke at all, but his own sort of admission, too.
A sudden flurry of movement, Leonard shifts in his seat on the couch, one leg folded under him, the other with his foot on the floor, bouncing with all the nerves rushing through him with the words he's about to say. He doesn't say words, he doesn't do this, it's unnerving, but Mick deserves at least this much, to understand, to know this is maybe exactly how it looks, now.
"I've never-- I mean, you know.... people, they don't really show up on my radar. I don't care, because they don't really catch my attention. But...you have. You've always existed in this space above other people, this-- priority I can't really ever let go of, even when I'm not here." He's been talking mostly to the rest of the room until now, staring pointedly up at Mick, desperation clouding his eyes as he really, really, needs the older boy to be able to make sense of all that rambled mess. "D'you get... what I'm saying?"
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Well, his mind doesn't, but the rest of him does. Mick reaches out to pull Len in, his grip gentle like he is terrified of breaking Len, or breaking this moment. Then he leans down to kiss him. It is a sloppy nervous kiss but a kiss none the less.
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At the question, he's uncertain, his shoulders rolling in a shrug. "I don't know."
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"We can forget all about this if you want."
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He rolls his lips together, debating the best, next words he wants to tumble out of his mouth. He's flying on some kind of high that is part-panic, part-elation, and all the mess of good-and-bad nerves makes it hard to focus, but he wants Mick to really hear him. "Mick, you... you're the only person on this entire fucking planet besides my sister that I give a shit about, okay? And-- you're important to me, and I don't know what kind of shape that is going to take, but I know that whatever it is, I wanna figure it out. With you."
This might be the first, and last, time they ever talk even at the edges of feelings. But if it quells whatever wild doubts are raging wars in the back of Mick's mind right now, Leonard's okay with that.
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He wanted to take it slow, to give Len time, to give himself time. But now he just wants this and he doesn't want to stop, but he forces himself to at least pause, one hand on Len's hip as he pulls back enough to look at him. "This ok?"
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"Yeah," He nods at the question, breathless but fervent.
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