Cisco is quiet for awhile after that. He’s not necessarily focused on the movie anymore, but he’s good at pretending and he’d rather fake it than pretend he has the spoons to actually deal with anything that is real life right now.
Except the longer he sits here, pretending nothing’s wrong now that it’s out in the open that something is, the more it seems to weigh on him. The more it weighs on him, the harder he finds it to not say something. The words tumble out of his mouth before he has time to think about them or even consider stopping himself from saying them. “He changed everything, Thea. He ruined our lives.”
“Changed?” she repeated, frowning at his use of the word. It obviously had some deeper meaning that she wasn’t seeing. She had to admit that he’d been different since his brother died. There hadn’t been the prank wars that had come to be there thing, even if things still seemed lighter between the two of them than they seemed with the rest of the team.
Not that she’d seen the rest of the team much. Not since she’d stopped hiding and had convinced Ollie that she wasn’t putting on the Speedy suit again. She’d come to see Cisco a few times and was using the money she’d acquired from Malcolm to make sure she always had a ride to and from Central City. She hadn’t quite bought herself a jet, but she had first class tickets whenever she made her way over.
“None of the stuff that’s been happening is supposed to be. Probably. There’s no way to tell, really, I guess, but--” He shakes his head and pushes himself to sit up, flicking the tv off because honestly, it doesn’t matter any more. He won’t be able to go back to it right now anyway. “After we defeated Zoom...Barry went back in time and stopped his mother from being killed. And it created another timeline, and...then he tried to fix it, and set everything back the way it was and...it didn’t work like he thought it would. It’s not the same.”
She’s not wrong in thinking it’s something bigger, deeper than the hollow explanations he’s given so far. The part that bothers him the most, the part that hurts the most is what’s next. “Dante was alive in the other timeline.” The words are quiet and his voice shakes a little with the weight of them.
She closed her eyes. Well, damn. On the one hand, she knew what she’d do to bring her mother back. She’d been in the position Barry had; she’d seen it happen. She’d gone through a hell of a lot to fix her own mistake and bring Sara back, despite everything Malcolm warned her would happen. They’d only gotten her back because of someone Ollie happened to know. She knew what it was like, too, to have your choices come back to haunt you. Her choice to leave with Malcolm was what had led to Sara’s death in the first place.
But she also knew what it was like having your entire life rearranged because of someone else’s choices, something you never had a say in and weren’t able to change. If Ollie had never run off with Sara, if he had never done whatever he’d done to Slade Wilson, their mother would still be alive. If he’d trusted her instead of trying to keep her ‘safe’, she wouldn’t have run away in the first place.
She probably would have done the same thing in Barry’s place, but she also knew too keenly what it was like to be in Cisco’s. She took his hand again and squeezed it tightly. “I’m sorry.” What else was there she could say?
He squeezes her hand back, just to assure himself he’s not alone, but he’s quiet, not really sure what to say for a moment. “I must have asked him a thousand times to go back so we could fix it, so I could save Dante. He refused. Over and over, he gave me all these excuses about how we can’t, how he’d never do that, but…” He shrugs one shoulder. “I guess what he really meant was that he’d never do it for anyone else.”
He’s so twisted up inside about all of this and he doesn’t really know what to do about it. He’ll do his job, he’ll help with metas the same as he always has, but everything between Cisco and Barry is changed. Maybe beyond a point of repair. Cisco isn’t sure you get to come back from being the reason a family member is dead.
There was a question in the back of Thea’s mind that she wasn’t ready to voice yet. That she didn’t think Cisco was ready to consider yet. That the very reason Barry was reluctant to go now was that he’d changed so much the last time. But she wasn’t ready to work out the logistics of that and the last thing Cisco needed right now was reason. For someone to explain away his hurt.
“It makes you wonder what else has changed,” she said softly. “The metaphor movies always give is dunking a rock in a lake and seeing the ripples expand. Is my life any different?” Okay, so maybe she wasn’t ready to accept reason, either. The idea that her life might have been different was definitely terrifying. What if she’d actually...been happy? No Malcolm in her life, no death.
"Yeah..." he's a little lost in his head and the distraction is evident in his voice. He pauses when she asks that question because...in all honesty, he isn't sure how much has changed, how far those ripples reached out, what else was turned upside down. He glances up and gives her a helpless shrug. "I don't really know." Which is barely even an answer, but at the moment, it's really all he's got.
"Well, this is my life," she decided. "For all the heartache, there are bright spots in it. What if, in this other universe, you and I weren't friends?" It didn't make up for him losing a brother, but it also was something she didn't want to think about. He'd given her solace when she'd needed it the most. If he weren't in her life, she might have been lost.
"You only know this one thing that's changed, right? Who says it's all bad."
He manages a smile, "I can't picture a universe where we aren't friends." Honesty, he didn't really want to. Thea was important to him, he didn't want to lose that. Lose her.
"Things changed for Cait, too." After all, Caitlin in all her Killer Frost-esque glory was how he'd found out that Barry had changed things. "She wasn't a meta in the other timeline. And now..." Now they might lose her to her powers if they can't find a way around the way it seems to take her over the more she uses it.
"And now," Thea finished, "she has all of you to help her. Best team in the world, I think." And that was a relatively unbiased account that included her own team. Her own team had been haphazard at best with most of them doing their own thing and then following Ollie when they needed to. Cisco and Caitlin and Barry were a team because they wanted to be.
Cisco just needed time to remember that.
"Look at what they did for you. Are you still scared of what your powers are going to turn you into?"
"No," He admits, shaking his head. "But...hers are different. They...they change her." It was hard to explain, but seeing it up close and personal had been...something else. "If she keeps using them...she won't Caitlin anymore."
"Everyone changes," she murmured, mostly to herself. Though she did know that those changes weren't necessarily for the better. She was living proof of that gray area between the good and the bad.
"But I maintain that she has a group of friends who'll help her figure it out. Whether that means helping her not use her powers or stopping her from becoming whoever she is when she uses them. I know you'll do anything to help her. You all will."
“Yeah...I know.” He mumbles softly. She’s not wrong. On either accounts, actually. But that doesn’t make everything feel less impossible, and it doesn’t help the way he feels toward Barry, this situation, everything that has happened as a result of it. But what if this wouldn’t have happened in the other timeline? Maybe this is one of the only shining points in this one. Because at this point, he can’t really picture not having Thea around.
She shifted up a little so that her back was against the headboard and drew Cisco to her, nudging him until his head was in her lap and she could run her fingers through his hair. There were any number of comforting words she could offer him, but she had a feeling that he wasn't up to being comforted right now. Still, even if there was nothing she could say, she could be here for him. It was the best she could do.
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no subject
Date: 2016-12-12 04:01 am (UTC)Except the longer he sits here, pretending nothing’s wrong now that it’s out in the open that something is, the more it seems to weigh on him. The more it weighs on him, the harder he finds it to not say something. The words tumble out of his mouth before he has time to think about them or even consider stopping himself from saying them. “He changed everything, Thea. He ruined our lives.”
no subject
Date: 2016-12-12 04:01 am (UTC)Not that she’d seen the rest of the team much. Not since she’d stopped hiding and had convinced Ollie that she wasn’t putting on the Speedy suit again. She’d come to see Cisco a few times and was using the money she’d acquired from Malcolm to make sure she always had a ride to and from Central City. She hadn’t quite bought herself a jet, but she had first class tickets whenever she made her way over.
“Changed how? I don’t understand.”
no subject
Date: 2016-12-12 04:02 am (UTC)She’s not wrong in thinking it’s something bigger, deeper than the hollow explanations he’s given so far. The part that bothers him the most, the part that hurts the most is what’s next. “Dante was alive in the other timeline.” The words are quiet and his voice shakes a little with the weight of them.
no subject
Date: 2016-12-12 04:03 am (UTC)But she also knew what it was like having your entire life rearranged because of someone else’s choices, something you never had a say in and weren’t able to change. If Ollie had never run off with Sara, if he had never done whatever he’d done to Slade Wilson, their mother would still be alive. If he’d trusted her instead of trying to keep her ‘safe’, she wouldn’t have run away in the first place.
She probably would have done the same thing in Barry’s place, but she also knew too keenly what it was like to be in Cisco’s. She took his hand again and squeezed it tightly. “I’m sorry.” What else was there she could say?
no subject
Date: 2016-12-12 04:04 am (UTC)He’s so twisted up inside about all of this and he doesn’t really know what to do about it. He’ll do his job, he’ll help with metas the same as he always has, but everything between Cisco and Barry is changed. Maybe beyond a point of repair. Cisco isn’t sure you get to come back from being the reason a family member is dead.
no subject
Date: 2016-12-12 04:05 am (UTC)“It makes you wonder what else has changed,” she said softly. “The metaphor movies always give is dunking a rock in a lake and seeing the ripples expand. Is my life any different?” Okay, so maybe she wasn’t ready to accept reason, either. The idea that her life might have been different was definitely terrifying. What if she’d actually...been happy? No Malcolm in her life, no death.
no subject
Date: 2017-01-14 08:59 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-01-15 06:23 pm (UTC)"You only know this one thing that's changed, right? Who says it's all bad."
no subject
Date: 2017-01-21 08:23 pm (UTC)"Things changed for Cait, too." After all, Caitlin in all her Killer Frost-esque glory was how he'd found out that Barry had changed things. "She wasn't a meta in the other timeline. And now..." Now they might lose her to her powers if they can't find a way around the way it seems to take her over the more she uses it.
no subject
Date: 2017-01-22 10:24 pm (UTC)Cisco just needed time to remember that.
"Look at what they did for you. Are you still scared of what your powers are going to turn you into?"
no subject
Date: 2017-01-28 04:48 am (UTC)And that was on Barry's hands.
no subject
Date: 2017-02-07 02:45 am (UTC)"But I maintain that she has a group of friends who'll help her figure it out. Whether that means helping her not use her powers or stopping her from becoming whoever she is when she uses them. I know you'll do anything to help her. You all will."
no subject
Date: 2017-03-05 09:31 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-03-08 05:52 pm (UTC)