[Maybe what scares him more than anything is just how easily and how well he does understand where he's coming from. In a way, it almost confirms his own fears because a lot of what he's saying just continues to prove how alike they can be. In a lot of ways...Reverb is the mirror image of who he could become under the right circumstances.
His voice is soft, quiet, like he's admitting a secret no one was ever supposed to know.] Yeah...I can understand that. [Instinctively, he wraps his arms around himself, a futile attempt at shielding himself from everything this conversation is forcing him to feel. He'd rather run from it, shove it in a box and forget about it, but he can't. But if Reverb can open up, show that kind of vulnerability, it's only fair he reciprocate.] It's what scares me about it... because I do feel it. That power that's in us... and I know I've barely even scratched the surface of it and it's so raw and huge and there's so many things that I could do with it, but-- [He shakes his head. The fear probably doesn't even make sense to someone like him.] it's terrifying to me, what I could do, what I could be capable of. Was it never like that for you? Ever?
I...I don't think it's that easy. [He says quietly, unable to take his eyes off his twin fidgeting with the necklace he wore. Knowing what it symbolizes just hurts. He blinks, hard, and looks back up to Reverb's face.] I don't think you can go back to the way it was before. Who you were before...stopped existing when you found him.
Of course. I was terrified. The first time I vibed, properly vibed, it scared the hell out of me. And each time I learned something new, it was always scared. As much as I wanted power, I feared it as well. [It was always a shock in the beginning when he accidentally vibed something that was about to happen and found himself lost in that strange blue hue that seemed to overtake everything. And the stronger he got, the worse it got in many ways. He enjoyed being powerful and strong but he did fear what he could achieve and what he could do. It took a long time to push passed the hesitancy that seemed to cripple Cisco. The only thing that held Reverb back was the fear of failure.]
I didn't have anyone to really talk to about my powers, I learned most of what I knew from Zoom. Sure, I had someone there for me, Dante, but he could only help so much. He didn't understand what it meant to be a meta, to have these powers. He tried but -- There are some things you can get from another meta that you can't get from your idiot brother, you know what I'm saying? [There was a small smile there because if this Cisco had a brother at all like his and knew anything about what that was like, surely he could empathise with that idea. Being alone and lost with a scary new power and the only person there for him was the person who once told him there was a monster under the bed that would bite his feet off if he got off the bed at night.]
Perhaps it's not a terrible thing that you're afraid, you'll make less mistakes than I've made. Still, don't let it hold you back. Don't be weak just to please others, meet your potential. [He felt a sharp stab inside at the idea of existing without Hart, to try and be someone without him, he slowly let his hand fall from the ring.] Maybe I can't but without him, I barely care about anything. He was my heart in many ways, he made me feel. Without him, it's just not there. [He paused and pulled a face, unable to help himself as that look evolved into a look of almost sad amusement.] This is not how I saw this evening going, I have to say,
[The relief Cisco feels at hearing that he had been scared in the beginning too is almost tangible, and definitely visible on his face, in the way his shoulders relax the tiniest bit. If someone as powerful and confident as Reverb was scared of his own capabilities, then maybe he wasn't such a fuck up. Maybe he could get around it somehow in the end.] Couldda fooled me. You're, like-- [There's a vague wave of his hand in the others' general direction, a sweeping motion, up and down, and hand dropped back to his lap again seconds later.] the epitome of confidence or something. [Which is annoying. And rude. And teach him how, please?
He shrugs one shoulder at the question. He understood that better than Reverb did, he's pretty sure. Except the difference is that distance, that lack of true understanding between Cisco and his Dante didn't just come from the human/meta line of separation, it was buried way deeper than that.] Yeah, I guess. I mean-- [His hands, always moving, always animated, almost like he couldn't talk without it.] it's easier when somebody has a similar experience or issue or whatever for them to understand it. It makes sense.
[His lips roll together at those words, almost...encouraging in nature, and the moment is odd as it hangs between them. Cisco isn't sure what to make of it, getting advice from his other-Earth-self seems so strange. He doesn't even comment on it, just takes it in for what it's worth.
Cisco doesn't really know what to say anymore about Reverb's Hartley, either, but the faintest smile tugs at one corner of his mouth. The way he talks about him...it's almost sweet. Tragic, under the circumstances, but sweet all the same. That hint of a smile turns into a more full-on smirk of sorts and he shakes his head.] Yeah, not really what I expected, either, actually.
And you're -- you're really, really not. At all. [There was no way to call Cisco confident, he just wasn't. His body language, the way he spoke, the self deprecating humour. He didn't know him that well but he knew enough so far that he was pretty certain he could make that claim. Cisco didn't have the confidence he had, it was almost funny really given just how powerful Vibe could be, he seemed almost trapped in a giant endless loop of self doubt instead of reaching any real potential. There was a whole mess of power buried under this goofy awkward nerd. Reverb made a faintly amused noise, cocking his head to the side as he looked over Cisco.] It's unsettling really. You're a lot like him. Hart, I mean. Only you're not as shy. Nor are you half as polite but you have that whole self conscious thing going for you.
[He thought that very easily, Cisco and Hart would have gotten on but he didn't really want to think about that. He didn't like to think of 'what might have been' even dumb hypothetical nonsense like this. It hurt. And he hated that feeling, he hated the sadness and the way it dragged him down like a weight was attached to him.]
I think we've spoken entirely enough about me at this point, don't you agree? Your turn, Vibe. Or should I call you -- what was it again? Cisco. Huh. Cute. [How adorable. He liked that actually, against his better judgement.] Tell me, you're dating Hartley. What's yours like? Let's compare and contrast, it's always interesting to do that.
[Let's face it, they're probably not going to be watching the film any time soon, not until they finished talking. Maybe after, when the topics ran thin, they'd have time to watch but as it stood, as painful as this was, it felt good to just talk. Reverb had been alone for a long time now, he missed having people to talk to, to connect with and while talking to himself had an undeniable egotistical twist, he found himself enjoying it. Oddly.] I shared, now it's your turn.
No, not even a little. [There's an amused huff and a shake of his head at that. He can own that about himself, has never tried to deny it. He has a plethora of self-worth and confidence issues that he never managed to get away from, no matter how much he tried to hide it under the rug of jokes and deflection.] Really? [His nose crinkles a little at the idea of a shy or wholly self-conscious Hartley. Data does not compute.
This time, the flipping of the table wasn't as surprising. More expected, really. They were really getting into this whole getting to know the other side thing. It's weird, but he can't hate it, either. He shifts to face the other, shoving himself in the corner of the couch and tucking his feet under him. If they were gonna get chatty, he was getting comfortable, dammit.]
Well...for starters, if anyone had told me that this is where I'd be with Hartley a few years ago, I would've laughed in their face and told 'em to have fun with that fantasy on their own time. [He shakes his head.]
We hated each other for the longest time. Just...this...instant wrong footing with each other, the second I walked into STAR Labs. I think he was kind of determined to hate me, probably even before he saw me, but definitely after he did. I guess the 'Han shot first' shirt wasn't impressive. [He laughs softly, shaking his head a little at the memory.]
'Han shot first'? Star Wars, right? When did he shoot first? [Yeah, Earth two has a great many awful things in it but this is a universe where George Lucas meddled a hell of a lot less and because of that, they had no debate over Han shot first or not. He literally just shot first. End of. Well, you know, Earth 2 needed something good going for it at this point, it was like ninety percent doom and gloom.
Still, he listened to the story with a curious expression, not making himself all comfortable like Cisco did. He just crossed his arms and tilted his head just enough to look at Cisco, keeping a distance and maintaining a sort of cool edge that Cisco sometimes lacked.]
So you two didn't get on at all? Strange. I guess that's where it's different, me and Hart never exactly hated each other and if he ever did in the beginning, he was too polite to say. [He's curious about this Hartley. One that was so determined to hate Cisco, one that seemed unimpressed with his dorky jokes and could hate like that. It was fascinating.] How did you end up liking each other?
Oh. Uh, yeah. See... [He can't help the slight amusement at the small derailment of the actual topic at hand as he goes into the explanations of the debate that has gone on for years on this Earth.
He shakes his head at that question.] Not really, no. Um, we had a tense at best work rivalry and that was where it stopped for a long time. It's kinda funny, actually, um...I don't remember what we were arguing about, but right in the middle of it, complete out of left field, he kissed me. Just to stun me and shut me up. Which worked...for all of about two minutes. [He can't help smiling now thinking about it.] After work that day, we went for coffee and we talked about how fucked up our parents were and...I dunno, [He shrugs.] it just spiraled from that, I guess.
He kissed you first? Sounds about right. [It was interesting, it was almost like they swapped roles and Cisco was the nervous unsure one and Hartley was the confident ass. He wasn't saying he minded, he just really wanted to see that dynamic, to watch such a strange thing at work. He would have stuck around to maybe try and see it but the idea of seeing someone who'd look that much like Hart made his heart grow heavy and cold. It almost clenched at the thought.]
His parents were still fucked up? Some things never change. We have no luck in that department on any Earth. Fortunately we took care of that. Mine and Hart's aren't exactly around these days. [There was a dark smirk there, a certain level of pride. Hey, if you knew the Earth two Rathaways like he did, you'd understand. Trust him on that one.] I'm strangely glad in my own way that you two found each other. It feels right.
Yeah, he's the bold one between the two of us. [And that doesn't bother him at all to admit. More than once, Hartley had pushed him out of the safe little boxes he'd so carefully constructed for himself through the years and, usually, it worked out fine. He liked those little challenges, a lot more now.
And there it is, again. That glimmer of something else, something dark in Reverb's eyes that reminded Cisco who he was sitting next to. His stomach clenches as he realizes the implications of those words.]
I think having shitty parents should be disallowed as a constant. [He smiles a little, real and genuine, because he gets a sense if sincerity from those last words.] Me too.
This has been oddly illuminating, you know? I expected nothing to come from this but a film and maybe a threat or two and yet here I am, talking about Hartley. Our Hartleys. It's something I never realised I needed.
[There was a smile there as he shrugged his shoulders, unsure how to react to any of this besides an unfamiliar and uncertain level of strange gratitude. He would have cared more in the past to show this many emotions, to be vulnerable, but what did he have left to lose? He lost everything already. He wasn't sure yet what he was going to do next or where he was going to go but he did know that Cisco had made him feel oddly relieved. Like even if he lost his Hart, he knew someone else had theirs.]
I haven't spoke about Hart since I saw him -- well, since he died. I don't really have many people I can just talk with. My fault, I don't care to talk to anyone. I don't really like anyone, only him. It was always only home. But it's strange, Vibe, I never expected you to be that kind of person for me but I suppose, against my better judgement, this has been a good night.
I can't say I expected this either. But it hasn't been terrible. [Dare he say, he wouldn't mind doing it again sometime.] I wouldn't have ever expected us to be so much alike. In so many ways.
[He knows how hard it can be, feeling isolated and alone, like there's no one around to give a damn. He also knows how important it is when you find anyone that actually does. And, while he's not saying he's suddenly besties with his E-2 alter, he understands him a little better. And that's not a bad thing as far as Cisco is concerned.]
Well, I'm glad that it helped. [However weird that was to say, and however small that help might be in the grand scheme. Something was better than nothing. He can't help but be a little hung up on that half-comment "..since I saw him--" had he been forced to watch it? God, he hopes not, but like hell is he asking.] I'm pretty chatty, so...you know... [Was that an unspoken "come again sometime"? Even Cisco's not completely sure.]
I'm not. But I've been more chattier with you than anyone else lately. I guess there are some things you can say to yourself that you can't say to others.
[And while he and Cisco weren't the same person, sometimes it almost felt like he was just talking to a dorkier mirror version of himself. And that just made everything easier. With a sigh, Reverb got to his feet and slipped his glasses on once more, looking down at Cisco.]
I doubt we're actually going to watch a film and given how much I've shared, I feel like distance is a good move. Perhaps, Vibe, I will see you again. [He smiled faintly.] Maybe we can finish a film next time.
[He watches as his counterpart rises to his feet and grabs his goggles. The whole situation is oddly surreal now, chatty spell broken as reality sets in again.
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Date: 2016-10-19 05:19 pm (UTC)His voice is soft, quiet, like he's admitting a secret no one was ever supposed to know.] Yeah...I can understand that. [Instinctively, he wraps his arms around himself, a futile attempt at shielding himself from everything this conversation is forcing him to feel. He'd rather run from it, shove it in a box and forget about it, but he can't. But if Reverb can open up, show that kind of vulnerability, it's only fair he reciprocate.] It's what scares me about it... because I do feel it. That power that's in us... and I know I've barely even scratched the surface of it and it's so raw and huge and there's so many things that I could do with it, but-- [He shakes his head. The fear probably doesn't even make sense to someone like him.] it's terrifying to me, what I could do, what I could be capable of. Was it never like that for you? Ever?
I...I don't think it's that easy. [He says quietly, unable to take his eyes off his twin fidgeting with the necklace he wore. Knowing what it symbolizes just hurts. He blinks, hard, and looks back up to Reverb's face.] I don't think you can go back to the way it was before. Who you were before...stopped existing when you found him.
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Date: 2016-10-19 05:41 pm (UTC)I didn't have anyone to really talk to about my powers, I learned most of what I knew from Zoom. Sure, I had someone there for me, Dante, but he could only help so much. He didn't understand what it meant to be a meta, to have these powers. He tried but -- There are some things you can get from another meta that you can't get from your idiot brother, you know what I'm saying? [There was a small smile there because if this Cisco had a brother at all like his and knew anything about what that was like, surely he could empathise with that idea. Being alone and lost with a scary new power and the only person there for him was the person who once told him there was a monster under the bed that would bite his feet off if he got off the bed at night.]
Perhaps it's not a terrible thing that you're afraid, you'll make less mistakes than I've made. Still, don't let it hold you back. Don't be weak just to please others, meet your potential. [He felt a sharp stab inside at the idea of existing without Hart, to try and be someone without him, he slowly let his hand fall from the ring.] Maybe I can't but without him, I barely care about anything. He was my heart in many ways, he made me feel. Without him, it's just not there. [He paused and pulled a face, unable to help himself as that look evolved into a look of almost sad amusement.] This is not how I saw this evening going, I have to say,
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Date: 2016-10-19 06:10 pm (UTC)He shrugs one shoulder at the question. He understood that better than Reverb did, he's pretty sure. Except the difference is that distance, that lack of true understanding between Cisco and his Dante didn't just come from the human/meta line of separation, it was buried way deeper than that.] Yeah, I guess. I mean-- [His hands, always moving, always animated, almost like he couldn't talk without it.] it's easier when somebody has a similar experience or issue or whatever for them to understand it. It makes sense.
[His lips roll together at those words, almost...encouraging in nature, and the moment is odd as it hangs between them. Cisco isn't sure what to make of it, getting advice from his other-Earth-self seems so strange. He doesn't even comment on it, just takes it in for what it's worth.
Cisco doesn't really know what to say anymore about Reverb's Hartley, either, but the faintest smile tugs at one corner of his mouth. The way he talks about him...it's almost sweet. Tragic, under the circumstances, but sweet all the same. That hint of a smile turns into a more full-on smirk of sorts and he shakes his head.] Yeah, not really what I expected, either, actually.
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Date: 2016-10-19 06:31 pm (UTC)[He thought that very easily, Cisco and Hart would have gotten on but he didn't really want to think about that. He didn't like to think of 'what might have been' even dumb hypothetical nonsense like this. It hurt. And he hated that feeling, he hated the sadness and the way it dragged him down like a weight was attached to him.]
I think we've spoken entirely enough about me at this point, don't you agree? Your turn, Vibe. Or should I call you -- what was it again? Cisco. Huh. Cute. [How adorable. He liked that actually, against his better judgement.] Tell me, you're dating Hartley. What's yours like? Let's compare and contrast, it's always interesting to do that.
[Let's face it, they're probably not going to be watching the film any time soon, not until they finished talking. Maybe after, when the topics ran thin, they'd have time to watch but as it stood, as painful as this was, it felt good to just talk. Reverb had been alone for a long time now, he missed having people to talk to, to connect with and while talking to himself had an undeniable egotistical twist, he found himself enjoying it. Oddly.] I shared, now it's your turn.
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Date: 2016-10-19 07:37 pm (UTC)This time, the flipping of the table wasn't as surprising. More expected, really. They were really getting into this whole getting to know the other side thing. It's weird, but he can't hate it, either. He shifts to face the other, shoving himself in the corner of the couch and tucking his feet under him. If they were gonna get chatty, he was getting comfortable, dammit.]
Well...for starters, if anyone had told me that this is where I'd be with Hartley a few years ago, I would've laughed in their face and told 'em to have fun with that fantasy on their own time. [He shakes his head.]
We hated each other for the longest time. Just...this...instant wrong footing with each other, the second I walked into STAR Labs. I think he was kind of determined to hate me, probably even before he saw me, but definitely after he did. I guess the 'Han shot first' shirt wasn't impressive. [He laughs softly, shaking his head a little at the memory.]
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Date: 2016-10-19 07:51 pm (UTC)Still, he listened to the story with a curious expression, not making himself all comfortable like Cisco did. He just crossed his arms and tilted his head just enough to look at Cisco, keeping a distance and maintaining a sort of cool edge that Cisco sometimes lacked.]
So you two didn't get on at all? Strange. I guess that's where it's different, me and Hart never exactly hated each other and if he ever did in the beginning, he was too polite to say. [He's curious about this Hartley. One that was so determined to hate Cisco, one that seemed unimpressed with his dorky jokes and could hate like that. It was fascinating.] How did you end up liking each other?
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Date: 2016-10-19 08:42 pm (UTC)He shakes his head at that question.] Not really, no. Um, we had a tense at best work rivalry and that was where it stopped for a long time. It's kinda funny, actually, um...I don't remember what we were arguing about, but right in the middle of it, complete out of left field, he kissed me. Just to stun me and shut me up. Which worked...for all of about two minutes. [He can't help smiling now thinking about it.] After work that day, we went for coffee and we talked about how fucked up our parents were and...I dunno, [He shrugs.] it just spiraled from that, I guess.
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Date: 2016-10-19 08:57 pm (UTC)His parents were still fucked up? Some things never change. We have no luck in that department on any Earth. Fortunately we took care of that. Mine and Hart's aren't exactly around these days. [There was a dark smirk there, a certain level of pride. Hey, if you knew the Earth two Rathaways like he did, you'd understand. Trust him on that one.] I'm strangely glad in my own way that you two found each other. It feels right.
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Date: 2016-10-19 09:17 pm (UTC)And there it is, again. That glimmer of something else, something dark in Reverb's eyes that reminded Cisco who he was sitting next to. His stomach clenches as he realizes the implications of those words.]
I think having shitty parents should be disallowed as a constant. [He smiles a little, real and genuine, because he gets a sense if sincerity from those last words.] Me too.
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Date: 2016-10-19 09:36 pm (UTC)[There was a smile there as he shrugged his shoulders, unsure how to react to any of this besides an unfamiliar and uncertain level of strange gratitude. He would have cared more in the past to show this many emotions, to be vulnerable, but what did he have left to lose? He lost everything already. He wasn't sure yet what he was going to do next or where he was going to go but he did know that Cisco had made him feel oddly relieved. Like even if he lost his Hart, he knew someone else had theirs.]
I haven't spoke about Hart since I saw him -- well, since he died. I don't really have many people I can just talk with. My fault, I don't care to talk to anyone. I don't really like anyone, only him. It was always only home. But it's strange, Vibe, I never expected you to be that kind of person for me but I suppose, against my better judgement, this has been a good night.
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Date: 2016-10-19 10:39 pm (UTC)[He knows how hard it can be, feeling isolated and alone, like there's no one around to give a damn. He also knows how important it is when you find anyone that actually does. And, while he's not saying he's suddenly besties with his E-2 alter, he understands him a little better. And that's not a bad thing as far as Cisco is concerned.]
Well, I'm glad that it helped. [However weird that was to say, and however small that help might be in the grand scheme. Something was better than nothing. He can't help but be a little hung up on that half-comment "..since I saw him--" had he been forced to watch it? God, he hopes not, but like hell is he asking.] I'm pretty chatty, so...you know... [Was that an unspoken "come again sometime"? Even Cisco's not completely sure.]
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Date: 2016-10-19 11:09 pm (UTC)[And while he and Cisco weren't the same person, sometimes it almost felt like he was just talking to a dorkier mirror version of himself. And that just made everything easier. With a sigh, Reverb got to his feet and slipped his glasses on once more, looking down at Cisco.]
I doubt we're actually going to watch a film and given how much I've shared, I feel like distance is a good move. Perhaps, Vibe, I will see you again. [He smiled faintly.] Maybe we can finish a film next time.
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Date: 2016-10-19 11:15 pm (UTC)[He watches as his counterpart rises to his feet and grabs his goggles. The whole situation is oddly surreal now, chatty spell broken as reality sets in again.
Hartley's gonna yell later when he tells him.]
See you around, Reverb.
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Date: 2016-10-19 11:20 pm (UTC)[Reverb held out his hand, carefully working to manipulate a breach to escape in.]
My name is Paco, you know? Feel free to use it. I honestly don't care either way.
[Reverb was dead really. The name, the title, the role, it served no purpose now.]
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Date: 2016-10-20 12:46 am (UTC)