Hartley nods slowly. He still had only a vague idea of who Zoom is and what Paco's done for him. "I suppose I should ask..." His tone is uncomfortable.
He's always taken a 'DADT' stance towards Paco's previous life as an enemy of the Flash, nervous about what he might learn if he did pry too hard. But now they're back in Paco's world - he probably should be prepared.
"Ah, what do I need to know, about you being a Zoom soldier - what would I be expected to know?"
He feels the mood shift, that tension fill the air and he rolls his lips together. He couldn't avoid it forever, he knows that, and it makes sense that now that they'll be here, on his Earth, that Hartley would get curious. While he isn't ashamed of it, he isn't sure how Hartley will feel about it.
"I was a criminal long before Zoom, but...under him, I went from some punk kid a couple of cops knew by name to someone that everyone feared. I made the power play, aligned myself with the person taking over the city to save my own ass. But I was the reason he could do a lot of what he did at all, I was quickly a favorite and put in charge of the lower soldiers. And I had plans of my own." Plans that never quite panned out, admittedly.
He finally looks up at Hartley, trying to get a read on how he's taking all of this. "I've done a lot of bad things, and I'm not really a good person...but I refuse to make excuses for who I am, what I've done, decisions I've made. I wouldn't do it different if I had the chance. I just..." He frowns, gaze dropping, fingers wrapping around Hartley's. He doesn't look back up at him, keeps his gaze in their fingers instead. "I hope it doesn't change anything."
In explaining it all, Paco feels more vulnerable than he can remember feeling in a long time. He isn't lying...he isn't a good person, he's done terrible things. And the realization that maybe it would be too much for Hartley to accept is sinking down into his bones, making his chest is tight and his heart beat faster with the panic of that thought.
Hartley can't say he's really surprised. He knows that Zoom was a monster and killed a lot of people on his Earth - it had to have been even worse here. If Paco rose to the ranks of being an important lieutenant of that person, he can't be a saint.
So he's somewhat prepared for it, for the confirmation that Paco's done wrong. Maybe it should make a difference - maybe Hartley should condemn him and refuse to be with him considering that he doesn't even feel remorse for what he's done.
But he just doesn't feel that way. Paco's been good to him, and he loves him, and in the time that he's known him, he hasn't done anything bad.
He withdraws his fingers from Paco's hold, but cups his cheek and leans in to kiss him softly. "Of course it doesn't change anything. I love you, idiot."
The silence probably doesn't actually last as long as it feels from Paco's perspective. Maybe it's seconds, but it feels like an actual age before Hartley moves, speaks, reacts in any way at all. And when he pulls his hand out of Paco's, there's that millisecond of another swell of panic. But then his hand finds his cheek and Hartley's lips are on his own and it's all gone in an instant.
When he pulls away and says those words, there's a genuine smile on his lips. "Lucky me," he murmurs softly, brushing his thumb against Hartley's cheek. "to find a star like you in the possibility of a million galaxies." It was ridiculous and cheesy as all hell, but it's the closest he can get to saying it yet. And for now, it's enough.
Hartley can't help but beam at that sweet response. He gives him another enthusiastic kiss on the lips. "But... promise me something? The bad stuff doesn't continue. At least... at least without talking to me, involving me. Promise me?"
He kisses back in equal measure. The smile on his lips fades the smallest bit with the request of a promise. His gut reaction is probably not the best one, but Paco is nothing if not unapologetically honest, "Are there levels to this promise that would be acceptable or...do you mean anything legally or morally bad or ambiguous?"
Again, not the best initial reaction, probably, but he'd rather have it all on the table. He shifts to sit up a little more and add, "I only ask to be completely clear...I was a petty criminal long before I was a murderer." That's the first time he's said it out loud. Sure, it was alluded to in his story about Zoom, but there's something different about saying it so directly.
He reaches up and cards his fingers through Hartley's hair. "But you can rest assured, I'll always include you." Except in any very specific and extenuating circumstance where it may be safer to not. Because Hartley's safety would always, always come above everything else. Better to ask for forgiveness than permission in those cases. Cases he hopes never come to light, but who knows what kind of insanity of his past may try coming to knock on their door in the future.
Hartley senses the reluctance, and it makes his stomach clench as well. He isn't aware that Paco's done anything illegal in the time that they've been together, but it's possible he has. Has he totally misjudged? Is Paco unable, or unwilling, to leave his criminal past behind even when he doesn't need to indulge in petty crime? They'll have the money to have whatever they want legally, after all.
"No killing," he says softly, searching Paco's face. "And if you're going to do something big, something that could come back to reflect badly on me or my company, then involve me."
"No killing," he echoes, shaking his head. He really doesn't have a reason to now. He'd only been doing what he had to survive, then. There's the smallest of smiles threatening to tug at one corner of his mouth at the comment that, ultimately, circles back to reputation. It was something he'd never worried about and...in a lot of ways, Hartley had always had to. Because of his parents and how they were... his own on his Earth had cut him off for breaking that perfect picture reputation, after all.
"I promise." He says softly, he kisses him softly and lingers for a moment or two, only pulling away enough to press his forehead against Hartley's. His voice is quiet, just barely above a whisper. "Do you want to know why?" After a short second or two, he realizes that's too vague to connect to anything and adds, "What pushed me to being a criminal in the first place, I mean."
Hartley really doesn't know a lot about him, after all. He hasn't shared much.
Hartley closes his eyes as Paco leans against him, enjoying the sweetness of it all. He pauses at the soft offer. There are reasons he's never asked, and not just because he's afraid he doesn't want to know - he also doesn't want to pry or make Paco feel vulnerable, when he doesn't need to know.
"I'd like to know everything about you, lover," he says. "But if you don't want to tell me, you don't have to. I don't need you to justify yourself to me."
He smiles and hums softly in something not quite amusement, but close. He was so sweet. Paco kisses him again and this time when he pulls away, he sinks down against the couch, tugging Hartley with him so he's laying against him.
"We have more in common than you think," he starts, smiling but it doesn't reach his eyes. "My parents disowned me, too. Mostly..." He scoffs softly, shaking his head, "because I wouldn't pursue their dream for me. And the only reason I wasn't immediately on the street is because my brother wasn't having it. His...support of me eventually led to them dropping him too, though." There's a tightness in his voice as he talks about Dante. He'd lost him, and that's something he still hasn't recovered from.
"I couldn't find a job, Dante got fired, we were looking at losing the place we had to live because he couldn't make rent," He shakes his head, "I can't believe my life is just some stupid cliche," He laughs, hollow and bitter, but it's true. It sounded so dumb, saying it all outloud, but they really hadn't had the choice at the time. "So, long story short, I started moving guns for this asshole Italian and...everything snowballed from there, I guess." He'd been so young back then, barely legal when his parents cut him off. Seems like a whole lifetime away now, though.
Hartley's happy to nestle against Paco and wraps his arms around, getting comfortable to listen. As he does so, though, he feels his stomach churn with anger. So Paco's parents are no better than his own. Paco was only lucky to have a brother who stood by him.
"It's no more cliche than mine," he points out wryly. Then sobers. "You did what you had to do. When I got kicked out, at least I was old enough to do something. I had an education. I could get a job at STAR Labs and live - not well, not like I was used to, but it put a roof over my head and food on the table. My parents might not have cared what happened to me, but if they did, they could be assured I wasn't on the streets thanks to their intolerance. Your parents were real monsters if they kicked kids that young out on the street."
"Dante was in his twenties, he probably would've been fine and never had to do the things we did if he hadn't been so stubborn and insistent on letting me be on my own." He knows, after all, it was ultimately his fault Dante took the path he had. He was trying to keep him safe, for all it ever got him.
Paco hides his face against Hartley's shoulder, closing his eyes. "I miss him..." he whispers quietly. "I wish you could have met him."
Hartley closes his eyes and tightens his grip, making a soothing noise. He doesn't really know how to reassure Paco - there's nothing they can do to fix this, and Paco's grief is real.
"I wish I could have, too," he murmurs gently. "He sounds like he was a great brother."
Truth is, he'd never really allowed himself to feel the grief or the loss. Everything had happened so fast back then with Zoom and when he finally found out about Dante's murder...it was something he'd just pushed down and refused to deal with.
Paco nods a little, "He was," his voice is quiet because he knows if he speaks any louder it will break and he may have opened up a lot with Hartley, but weakness is still something he clings tightly to never showing. "I think he would've liked you."
That's about all of the speculation he can handle, though. He clears his throat and looks up at Hartley, "We should...sleep, busy day tomorrow." He leans up and presses his lips softly against Hartley's own.
Hartley returns the kiss sweetly. He feels good about today, that they've opened up to one another far more deeply than ever before, and their relationship is only stronger for it.
"Bedtime," he agrees, smiling. He plants one last kiss on the tip of Paco's nose, and then moves to disentangle himself.
Paco is feeling much the same way, despite everything he had unloaded on him, Hartley remains firmly at his side. And even though that voice of doubt in the back of his mind reminds him that it could still change, the weight of what he's admitted could hit at a later time and make him change his mind...Paco ignores it. Unlike his other-self, he doesn't cling so tightly to the doubts in his mind.
He's only seconds behind Hartley, following him to collapse on the bed with him, arms snaking around around him to tug him close. Tomorrow will be a long day, but he knows in the end, it will be worth it.
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Date: 2017-03-19 05:21 am (UTC)He's always taken a 'DADT' stance towards Paco's previous life as an enemy of the Flash, nervous about what he might learn if he did pry too hard. But now they're back in Paco's world - he probably should be prepared.
"Ah, what do I need to know, about you being a Zoom soldier - what would I be expected to know?"
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Date: 2017-03-19 07:38 pm (UTC)"I was a criminal long before Zoom, but...under him, I went from some punk kid a couple of cops knew by name to someone that everyone feared. I made the power play, aligned myself with the person taking over the city to save my own ass. But I was the reason he could do a lot of what he did at all, I was quickly a favorite and put in charge of the lower soldiers. And I had plans of my own." Plans that never quite panned out, admittedly.
He finally looks up at Hartley, trying to get a read on how he's taking all of this. "I've done a lot of bad things, and I'm not really a good person...but I refuse to make excuses for who I am, what I've done, decisions I've made. I wouldn't do it different if I had the chance. I just..." He frowns, gaze dropping, fingers wrapping around Hartley's. He doesn't look back up at him, keeps his gaze in their fingers instead. "I hope it doesn't change anything."
In explaining it all, Paco feels more vulnerable than he can remember feeling in a long time. He isn't lying...he isn't a good person, he's done terrible things. And the realization that maybe it would be too much for Hartley to accept is sinking down into his bones, making his chest is tight and his heart beat faster with the panic of that thought.
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Date: 2017-03-19 08:15 pm (UTC)So he's somewhat prepared for it, for the confirmation that Paco's done wrong. Maybe it should make a difference - maybe Hartley should condemn him and refuse to be with him considering that he doesn't even feel remorse for what he's done.
But he just doesn't feel that way. Paco's been good to him, and he loves him, and in the time that he's known him, he hasn't done anything bad.
He withdraws his fingers from Paco's hold, but cups his cheek and leans in to kiss him softly. "Of course it doesn't change anything. I love you, idiot."
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Date: 2017-03-19 09:12 pm (UTC)When he pulls away and says those words, there's a genuine smile on his lips. "Lucky me," he murmurs softly, brushing his thumb against Hartley's cheek. "to find a star like you in the possibility of a million galaxies." It was ridiculous and cheesy as all hell, but it's the closest he can get to saying it yet. And for now, it's enough.
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Date: 2017-03-20 01:41 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-03-20 02:30 am (UTC)Again, not the best initial reaction, probably, but he'd rather have it all on the table. He shifts to sit up a little more and add, "I only ask to be completely clear...I was a petty criminal long before I was a murderer." That's the first time he's said it out loud. Sure, it was alluded to in his story about Zoom, but there's something different about saying it so directly.
He reaches up and cards his fingers through Hartley's hair. "But you can rest assured, I'll always include you." Except in any very specific and extenuating circumstance where it may be safer to not. Because Hartley's safety would always, always come above everything else. Better to ask for forgiveness than permission in those cases. Cases he hopes never come to light, but who knows what kind of insanity of his past may try coming to knock on their door in the future.
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Date: 2017-03-20 02:46 am (UTC)"No killing," he says softly, searching Paco's face. "And if you're going to do something big, something that could come back to reflect badly on me or my company, then involve me."
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Date: 2017-03-20 03:20 am (UTC)"I promise." He says softly, he kisses him softly and lingers for a moment or two, only pulling away enough to press his forehead against Hartley's. His voice is quiet, just barely above a whisper. "Do you want to know why?" After a short second or two, he realizes that's too vague to connect to anything and adds, "What pushed me to being a criminal in the first place, I mean."
Hartley really doesn't know a lot about him, after all. He hasn't shared much.
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Date: 2017-03-20 03:39 am (UTC)"I'd like to know everything about you, lover," he says. "But if you don't want to tell me, you don't have to. I don't need you to justify yourself to me."
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Date: 2017-03-20 04:18 am (UTC)"We have more in common than you think," he starts, smiling but it doesn't reach his eyes. "My parents disowned me, too. Mostly..." He scoffs softly, shaking his head, "because I wouldn't pursue their dream for me. And the only reason I wasn't immediately on the street is because my brother wasn't having it. His...support of me eventually led to them dropping him too, though." There's a tightness in his voice as he talks about Dante. He'd lost him, and that's something he still hasn't recovered from.
"I couldn't find a job, Dante got fired, we were looking at losing the place we had to live because he couldn't make rent," He shakes his head, "I can't believe my life is just some stupid cliche," He laughs, hollow and bitter, but it's true. It sounded so dumb, saying it all outloud, but they really hadn't had the choice at the time. "So, long story short, I started moving guns for this asshole Italian and...everything snowballed from there, I guess." He'd been so young back then, barely legal when his parents cut him off. Seems like a whole lifetime away now, though.
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Date: 2017-03-20 05:03 am (UTC)"It's no more cliche than mine," he points out wryly. Then sobers. "You did what you had to do. When I got kicked out, at least I was old enough to do something. I had an education. I could get a job at STAR Labs and live - not well, not like I was used to, but it put a roof over my head and food on the table. My parents might not have cared what happened to me, but if they did, they could be assured I wasn't on the streets thanks to their intolerance. Your parents were real monsters if they kicked kids that young out on the street."
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Date: 2017-03-20 07:54 pm (UTC)Paco hides his face against Hartley's shoulder, closing his eyes. "I miss him..." he whispers quietly. "I wish you could have met him."
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Date: 2017-03-21 02:47 am (UTC)"I wish I could have, too," he murmurs gently. "He sounds like he was a great brother."
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Date: 2017-03-21 03:03 am (UTC)Paco nods a little, "He was," his voice is quiet because he knows if he speaks any louder it will break and he may have opened up a lot with Hartley, but weakness is still something he clings tightly to never showing. "I think he would've liked you."
That's about all of the speculation he can handle, though. He clears his throat and looks up at Hartley, "We should...sleep, busy day tomorrow." He leans up and presses his lips softly against Hartley's own.
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Date: 2017-03-21 03:31 am (UTC)"Bedtime," he agrees, smiling. He plants one last kiss on the tip of Paco's nose, and then moves to disentangle himself.
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Date: 2017-03-22 04:03 am (UTC)He's only seconds behind Hartley, following him to collapse on the bed with him, arms snaking around around him to tug him close. Tomorrow will be a long day, but he knows in the end, it will be worth it.