The refrigerator door slams shut and Mick has to take a moment to breathe, to struggle to calm his swiftly warming temper. Leonard normally knows better, knows to leave him be when he's worked up like this.
"So what then? All I wanna do is touch you and you pull back like I'm gonna hurt you, like you don't know that I'd never ever hurt you."
Leonard's gotten used to the explosive way Mick's anger works over the years. If he hadn't known all the other sides of him first, before he ever actually saw it, Leonard would have stayed away from him. But he knew the rest of Mick first-- fierce and protective and loyal, so it was something he came to accept. And Leonard doesn't react outwardly anymore when he slams things around in the midst of the anger that burns through him like kerosene hit with a match.
"I told you, I don't know!" The vehemence with which he's clinging to those words like they're proven fact is pretty telling that there must be something, if only because people are wildly more defensive about things they're caught lying about.
Leonard really isn't sure what has gotten into him tonight, but he's apparently feeling pretty confrontational because as he continues, he marches over to where Mick is standing to look him in the eye as he says what he has to say. He'll be damned if this whole conversation is had with Mick's back. "If there is anything that I've ever been sure of in my life, it's that you would never do anything to hurt me. Ever." There's a beat and there's a little more desperate note in his next words. "You have to believe that I know that."
"Bullshit," he growls because of course there's some reason. "What did I do wrong? What happened that's got you dancing away like I'm.. like I'm some kinda monster?"
There had been a time when Leonard would actively seek out touch, when he'd lean into simple stuff like holding hands or Mick's hand resting on his leg. Not even looking for sex, just.. just touch.
"What did I do? Tell me so I can fucking fix it." So he can fix them.
Maybe facing him for this conversation was a bad idea. He can't hide the falter in his features at Mick's words.
No. No no no. This isn't happening. He's blaming himself. He's blaming himself and it's Leonard's fault for not just answering him.
"No," the word rips out of him like it physically hurts him to say. "No, Mick, it's not--" There's a sound that's a little like a scoff and a laugh mixed together, devoid of any humor at all. The irony of the over-used line that's about to tumble out of his mouth is not lost on him at all. As he speaks, he shakes his head, to pushing the point or because his whole body is just becoming a part of the emphatic way he needs Mick to understand what he's saying is the truth.
"It's not you, okay? I promise, you-- you never did anything, or- or didn't do something that caused this. It's me." There's that humorless scoff again because he just can't believe the things rolling out of his mouth now. "It's something wrong with me, and I can't stop and I can't make it go away and nothing is gonna fix it, okay? But it's not you. It was never you, please, please believe that, Mick.
And it's the way his expression breaks, the way it falters that all but breaks his damn heart. Mick's anger melts away and his shoulders slump. So it's not him. Fine. But that still doesn't answer what changed or why.
"Look. I know I'm a fuckup and I know I ain't the smartest," he allows softly, "but I don't understand. I don't Lenny," he hates the pleading note to his voice as he leans against the counter and scrubs a hand across his face.
"Used to be a time you'd at least let me hold your hand. Now I can't and I don't know what changed."
He sees all the anger deflate right out of him and Leonard isn't sure that's any better, really. Standing there, leaned up against the counter, Mick just looks defeated and lost and it's killing Leonard inside to stand and watch. Knowing he could fix it, if he could find the words to explain it, but he can't. He doesn't know how to put it in words.
There's a sort of panic swirling tight in his chest that he hadn't noticed until now, and his head is clouded, his ears are ringing-- Leonard rarely actually gets worked up like this, even quietly and to himself, in his head, but when he does there's no way to stop it. It's a spiral of a loss of control that he can't deal with.
"I know," his voice is tight with the overwhelming emotion in his head and his heart just then. "I'm sorry," he mumbles, shaking his head and there's a slow, half-step backwards as he prepares to leave. Because he has to leave. He can't stay here, in this room, while Mick stands there looking the way he is and blaming himself for something he never had a part in. "It's not you." Another step. And another. "It was never you."
And it's over, because he can't do it anymore. He has to leave so he can finish this spiral alone. He spins on his heel and darts out of the room as quickly as he can, going to lock himself away for awhile. Specifically not the room he and Mick share because it wouldn't help, and not Lisa's because she'll surely be home soon and he can't risk that. It's a spare bedroom, extra and not used for much of anything than a catch-all storage space; something that isn't attached to anything running rampant through his veins just now.
Mick is so tired. He doesn't get it, doesn't get why Leonard doesn't want him close any longer. All he wants to do is touch, all he wants to do is be be close to the one person who means everything in the world to him.
And if he hadn't been lost in his own upset, he would have keyed into Leonard's panic attack.
Realization doesn't settle in until the door to the spare room closes.
Fuck.
He sucks in a breath before moving to follow him. But Mick doesn't let himself in, doesn't even knock.. No, he sits on the floor in the hall, resting his hand on the door just like he did when he was in jail.
Leonard didn't make it far into the room. Closed and locked the door and pretty well slid down the wall to the floor. His knees are tucked toward his chest, elbows resting on his knees as he presses his palms against his eyes. He has to remember how to breathe, but it's hard in the middle of all of this.
"Lenny?"
That voice suddenly coming from the other side of the door startles a gasp out of him and he squeezes his eyes shut. "Mick, I can't." Can't, what? Talk? Breathe? Deal with him right now? Maybe a little of all of it, but he doesn't clarify and Mick is willing to interpret that any damn way he pleases.
It's late, and dark out, and he hadn't gotten as far as turning on a light in the room when he got inside. That wasn't really his focus and moving sounds like too much effort right now. Not that he doesn't appreciate the sentiment, but everything is just a little too much just yet.
"I can't." He repeats, shaking his head. He hates this, he hates it so much. Leonard always takes too much care to keep himself in check to allow something like this to happen, so when he completely loses his grip to panic and anxiety, it gets under his skin in ways nothing else can. Because there's almost nothing as bad and wrong in Leonard's word as a lack of control of himself.
His heart skips a beat at those words and it's painful in a way he can't put in words, beyond the physical and down into something else entirely. But it still manifests physically, too, like a two-ton weight on his chest. "You can't," he chokes out, shaking his head again, despite the fact that he knows Mick can't see him. "It's not you..."
He tries to focus enough to sit and stop thinking and remember how to breathe. But Mick's voice coaching him isn't working like it should. It hurts to say what he does next, but he can't see another way out of this right now if he continues like this. "Mick?" His voice is still tight, thick with emotion, and a little shaky. "I need-- I-I need...you to- l-leave me alone...for a little while."
"I'm here." His head lifts when Leonard manages his name.
The words break his heart and Mick is glad that this time, there's a door between them so Leonard can't see how hard this is on him. For a moment he doesn't have to hide just how much this is hurting him. All he wanted to do was be close and he still doesn't understand what's changed.
"Okay." There's a long beat before Mick rises and heads for the door.
He leaves his jacket behind, barely remembering to at least grab keys and his phone.
The place they have on Seventh. It's in decent shape and while he should probably cross town Mick still can't be that far away from his partner.
Lisa comes home late. It's closer to 1am than it is to midnight l, but she's a grownup now and if she wants to stay out late she can. The night hasn't been a total loss. She's had fun, but she wasn't inclined to go out with that man again.
She lets herself into the apartment she shares with her brother and Mick and is surprised to see lights coming from the living room. She walks in and is about to greet whoever it is on the couch and tease them for waiting up for her but the words die on her tongue at the way Her brother is just sitting there. Warning bells go off in her head and she has a feeling that he doesn't even know she's there.
She sets her stuff in her room, changes into pajamas quickly and goes to look for Mick. Not home. Okay. Something bad has obviously happened for Lenny to be this out of it.
She goes back to her brother and kneels before him on the couch so she can put herself in his field of vision. "Lenny?" He looks like maybe he's had a panic attack. The flat and yet wild look he gets after one is still there. But why is Mick not here? He's usually the first person Len finds when he has one.
Leonard isn't sure how long it took after Mick left for him to really calm down. 'Awhile' is about the best guess he had in hand. Once he calmed down enough that he remembered what breathing felt like, he got to his feet and made his way into the living room. He turned the tv on in hopes that it would distract him enough to prevent him from getting too stuck in his own head and spiraling all over again.
Presumably, it worked well enough, because he didn't find himself panicking again. But he wasn't really in a good state to be found in, either, when Lisa wanders in at late-o'clock.
He blinks, hard, when his sister suddenly fills his field of vision. "What?" he mumbles, coming out of the haze he always ends up in after something like that. "Oh, hey, Lise. When'd you get get home?"
Lisa's eyebrows furrow more in worry and she tilts her head slightly. "About ten minutes ago. Lenny...where's Mick? What happened?" She can tell something happened. She can tell whatever it was it probably wasn't very good...but judging from how her brother answers though might help her figure out what to do about it.
Heaven help her but both Mick and Len were bad at talking about feelings with her, and even worse with each other. She loves them too much though to stand back and watch them destroy the only real relationship either of them has that isn't with her. She's always felt a bit like they were her real parents...and as corny as it sounds..she hates it when mommy and daddy fight.
"We had a fight," it's become such a frequent occurrence that the words are almost robotic, they're so automatic. He hates that it's come to that, it was never supposed to be like this. "I- it was--" He sighs and runs a hand over his face. "the- same fight as always." He doesn't have to explain that, she's heard it enough.
Lisa doesn't touch him even though she kind of wants too. Neither of them are huge on touch for different reasons, she knows his reasons but she's fairly certain he doesn't know she knows.
"Lenny...have you told him why? Or did you just say it wasn't his fault?" She asks gently, well as gently as she can. Her tone is soft but the word choice isn't the best. She learned some tact and subtly from her brother but with Mick and her father and the company he kept...she could be crass and straight to the point regardless of how invasive or hurtful it seemed.
Maybe he's still a little out of it, because he doesn't catch the implication that she might know why. The question seems innocent enough on the surface; she's not dumb, of course there's a reason, even if no one else knows what it is.
"It's not his fault...why isn't that enough?" His voice is quiet, his eyes focused on his hands in his lap, fingers twisting together.
Lisa was silent for a moment before she spoke again, voice still soft. "Do you remember when I asked you what I did to make Lewis hate me so much....and you kept saying how it wasn't me it was him. But that answer didn't make me feel any less like it was my fault until you explained that there was something broken inside of him that made him hate himself which in turn made him hurt us so he could feel like he had control over something....maybe it's like that for Mick. He doesn't understand what happened to you...he can't help you fix it if he doesn't know what happened..."
The hurt people, hurt people spiel; he remembers it well. It was the only way he could make the abuse they suffered make any sense to her. Not that abuse ever truly makes sense, but the closest he could get to it at any rate.
His features falter a little, and his eyes flicker toward her for a second or two before dropping down to his hands again. She doesn't understand, either, he keeps having to remind himself of that. It's the kind of thing that changes the way people look at a person, and he doesn't think he could handle that. He doesn't want to see the pity in their eyes if the story is out there. Not to mention the rage-- it would be useless, and he doesn't want the burden on anyone else's shoulders, either. Wasn't it bad enough that he had it on his own, how could he ask anyone else to carry that, too?
"I don't think I can, Lise...it's-- it's not that simple."
"I really think you should try...but not tonight. I'll make you some hot chocolate and a sandwich. You should eat something and then try and sleep. I'll stay with you if you want. Till you're asleep." And then I'm going to find Mick and we're going to talk about this. If you can't tell him Lenny...then I'll try and tell him what little bit I know...She makes up her mind as she makes him a cup of hot chocolate with a ton of extra mini marshmallows and a simple sandwich she knew he would at least eat half of.
She returns to the couch and hands him the cup and sets the plate on the table before him. She sits beside him, close enough to be present, but not actually touching him. "I love you, Lenny. Okay. Nothing that you've done or not done or what have you could ever make me love you less."
There's this no-nonsense, arguments aren't gonna cut it way about her sometimes that Leonard doesn't dare try to attribute her earning from him. But it probably is. She just wears it better. Lisa is a commanding force when she wants to be, and right now, Leonard doesn't feel like fighting about anything else.
Some things never change, no matter how much older she gets, somehow Lisa still thinks that food and hot chocolate can fix half the world's problems. Of course, now she knows more about how the world works and knows that isn't true, but she's damned if she doesn't try it as a tactic, anyway.
He accepts the offerings when she returns from the kitchen, picking up the mug of cocoa first; maybe Leonard sort of wishes hot chocolate could fix all his problems, too. "Thanks, Lise... I love you, too." They aren't words he actually says much, even to her, because they're hard. But sometimes they're also necessary. And Leonard can always handle something when it's necessary.
Oh she totally learned that from him, and as many times as Mick or him stuck cocoa and grilled cheese sandwiches in front of her it's no wonder she thinks it's what you're supposed to do when people are upset. Even now at 19 it's still her gut reaction to do just that.m It's as much for her as it is for him...it gives her a chance to think a minute, to plan her next move. Something else she learned from him.
She sits silently with him, a comfortable presence, at ease around him even if there is still enormous almost typhoon like waves of tension wafting from her brother beside her. She would sit there though, as long as he needed her too.
Leonard doesn't talk much after that, unless Lisa wants to say something, because this whole night has become the most ridiculous mess that he doesn't know what to do with.
Once he's done with the food--she wasn't wrong in assuming he'd only eat half--he sighs and leans his head back against the back of the couch, staring up at the ceiling for a long moment. He looks over at Lisa and smiles a little, something humorless and a little sad. "I think I'm gonna try and sleep. Like you said."
Leonard knows he won't. Not until Mick gets home, at least. There's something about the empty space in the bed next to him that he can't handle. Even during a fight like the one they'd had tonight. Mick is the single most steady presence in his life outside of his sister and the lack of his presence is always obvious, and always hurts inside more than he would dare admit out loud.
But he can lay there and hope he falls asleep until then, anyway.
"Do you wanna sleep in my room? I changed the sheets this morning....might be...easier?" She didn't mean for it to be a question at the end but honestly when Len was this upset she knew there wasn't much she could do. Still she would offer her space if it meant he might sleep and he did need sleep after a panic attack.
Even if he winds up in his own room, the one he shares with Mick, she's gonna park her butt on the bed beside him, back to the headboard, a steady and still silent presence. She's gonna stay until hes asleep enough for her to leave without waking him. Or at least until he pretends well enough for her to humor him.
He shakes his head at the question, "No...thanks, though." She's always looking out for him and he can't hate that, even if he isn't into the idea she's presenting. Somehow, it just feels wrong to consider being anywhere else, even if being in the room he shares with Mick might hurt still, too.
He isn't at all surprised when Lisa follows him, quietly insistent on not actually leaving him alone. That may actually be for the best, if he's honest; if she's there, he's not as likely to get caught in the trap of his own head again, and that can never be a bad thing.
"Thanks," he says quietly as he slips back into the room after getting changed into something more comfortable than his usual jeans. She's already sitting there, propped against the headboard like she owns the whole damn bed. "for staying." he finishes softly, sinking down onto the bed in his rightful place.
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no subject
Date: 2018-03-18 12:44 am (UTC)"So what then? All I wanna do is touch you and you pull back like I'm gonna hurt you, like you don't know that I'd never ever hurt you."
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Date: 2018-03-18 12:59 am (UTC)"I told you, I don't know!" The vehemence with which he's clinging to those words like they're proven fact is pretty telling that there must be something, if only because people are wildly more defensive about things they're caught lying about.
Leonard really isn't sure what has gotten into him tonight, but he's apparently feeling pretty confrontational because as he continues, he marches over to where Mick is standing to look him in the eye as he says what he has to say. He'll be damned if this whole conversation is had with Mick's back. "If there is anything that I've ever been sure of in my life, it's that you would never do anything to hurt me. Ever." There's a beat and there's a little more desperate note in his next words. "You have to believe that I know that."
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Date: 2018-03-18 01:14 am (UTC)There had been a time when Leonard would actively seek out touch, when he'd lean into simple stuff like holding hands or Mick's hand resting on his leg. Not even looking for sex, just.. just touch.
"What did I do? Tell me so I can fucking fix it." So he can fix them.
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Date: 2018-03-18 01:27 am (UTC)No. No no no. This isn't happening. He's blaming himself. He's blaming himself and it's Leonard's fault for not just answering him.
"No," the word rips out of him like it physically hurts him to say. "No, Mick, it's not--" There's a sound that's a little like a scoff and a laugh mixed together, devoid of any humor at all. The irony of the over-used line that's about to tumble out of his mouth is not lost on him at all. As he speaks, he shakes his head, to pushing the point or because his whole body is just becoming a part of the emphatic way he needs Mick to understand what he's saying is the truth.
"It's not you, okay? I promise, you-- you never did anything, or- or didn't do something that caused this. It's me." There's that humorless scoff again because he just can't believe the things rolling out of his mouth now. "It's something wrong with me, and I can't stop and I can't make it go away and nothing is gonna fix it, okay? But it's not you. It was never you, please, please believe that, Mick.
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Date: 2018-03-18 01:40 am (UTC)"Look. I know I'm a fuckup and I know I ain't the smartest," he allows softly, "but I don't understand. I don't Lenny," he hates the pleading note to his voice as he leans against the counter and scrubs a hand across his face.
"Used to be a time you'd at least let me hold your hand. Now I can't and I don't know what changed."
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Date: 2018-03-18 01:56 am (UTC)There's a sort of panic swirling tight in his chest that he hadn't noticed until now, and his head is clouded, his ears are ringing-- Leonard rarely actually gets worked up like this, even quietly and to himself, in his head, but when he does there's no way to stop it. It's a spiral of a loss of control that he can't deal with.
"I know," his voice is tight with the overwhelming emotion in his head and his heart just then. "I'm sorry," he mumbles, shaking his head and there's a slow, half-step backwards as he prepares to leave. Because he has to leave. He can't stay here, in this room, while Mick stands there looking the way he is and blaming himself for something he never had a part in. "It's not you." Another step. And another. "It was never you."
And it's over, because he can't do it anymore. He has to leave so he can finish this spiral alone. He spins on his heel and darts out of the room as quickly as he can, going to lock himself away for awhile. Specifically not the room he and Mick share because it wouldn't help, and not Lisa's because she'll surely be home soon and he can't risk that. It's a spare bedroom, extra and not used for much of anything than a catch-all storage space; something that isn't attached to anything running rampant through his veins just now.
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Date: 2018-03-18 02:06 am (UTC)He doesn't get it, doesn't get why Leonard doesn't want him close any longer. All he wants to do is touch, all he wants to do is be be close to the one person who means everything in the world to him.
And if he hadn't been lost in his own upset, he would have keyed into Leonard's panic attack.
Realization doesn't settle in until the door to the spare room closes.
Fuck.
He sucks in a breath before moving to follow him. But Mick doesn't let himself in, doesn't even knock.. No, he sits on the floor in the hall, resting his hand on the door just like he did when he was in jail.
"Lenny? Lenny I need you to breathe for me."
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Date: 2018-03-18 02:13 am (UTC)"Lenny?"
That voice suddenly coming from the other side of the door startles a gasp out of him and he squeezes his eyes shut. "Mick, I can't." Can't, what? Talk? Breathe? Deal with him right now? Maybe a little of all of it, but he doesn't clarify and Mick is willing to interpret that any damn way he pleases.
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Date: 2018-03-18 02:18 am (UTC)"Look around you okay? Find something to focus on." Damnit. He pressed too hard and now he can't reach Leonard through the door.
His forehead tips to rest against the door. "Just tell me what to do Lenny. Please."
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Date: 2018-03-18 02:34 am (UTC)"I can't." He repeats, shaking his head. He hates this, he hates it so much. Leonard always takes too much care to keep himself in check to allow something like this to happen, so when he completely loses his grip to panic and anxiety, it gets under his skin in ways nothing else can. Because there's almost nothing as bad and wrong in Leonard's word as a lack of control of himself.
His heart skips a beat at those words and it's painful in a way he can't put in words, beyond the physical and down into something else entirely. But it still manifests physically, too, like a two-ton weight on his chest. "You can't," he chokes out, shaking his head again, despite the fact that he knows Mick can't see him. "It's not you..."
He tries to focus enough to sit and stop thinking and remember how to breathe. But Mick's voice coaching him isn't working like it should. It hurts to say what he does next, but he can't see another way out of this right now if he continues like this. "Mick?" His voice is still tight, thick with emotion, and a little shaky. "I need-- I-I need...you to- l-leave me alone...for a little while."
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Date: 2018-03-18 04:19 am (UTC)The words break his heart and Mick is glad that this time, there's a door between them so Leonard can't see how hard this is on him. For a moment he doesn't have to hide just how much this is hurting him. All he wanted to do was be close and he still doesn't understand what's changed.
"Okay." There's a long beat before Mick rises and heads for the door.
He leaves his jacket behind, barely remembering to at least grab keys and his phone.
The place they have on Seventh. It's in decent shape and while he should probably cross town Mick still can't be that far away from his partner.
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Date: 2018-03-18 12:14 pm (UTC)She lets herself into the apartment she shares with her brother and Mick and is surprised to see lights coming from the living room. She walks in and is about to greet whoever it is on the couch and tease them for waiting up for her but the words die on her tongue at the way Her brother is just sitting there. Warning bells go off in her head and she has a feeling that he doesn't even know she's there.
She sets her stuff in her room, changes into pajamas quickly and goes to look for Mick. Not home. Okay. Something bad has obviously happened for Lenny to be this out of it.
She goes back to her brother and kneels before him on the couch so she can put herself in his field of vision. "Lenny?" He looks like maybe he's had a panic attack. The flat and yet wild look he gets after one is still there. But why is Mick not here? He's usually the first person Len finds when he has one.
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Date: 2018-03-19 01:15 am (UTC)Presumably, it worked well enough, because he didn't find himself panicking again. But he wasn't really in a good state to be found in, either, when Lisa wanders in at late-o'clock.
He blinks, hard, when his sister suddenly fills his field of vision. "What?" he mumbles, coming out of the haze he always ends up in after something like that. "Oh, hey, Lise. When'd you get get home?"
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Date: 2018-03-19 01:27 am (UTC)Heaven help her but both Mick and Len were bad at talking about feelings with her, and even worse with each other. She loves them too much though to stand back and watch them destroy the only real relationship either of them has that isn't with her. She's always felt a bit like they were her real parents...and as corny as it sounds..she hates it when mommy and daddy fight.
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Date: 2018-03-19 01:47 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2018-03-19 01:53 am (UTC)"Lenny...have you told him why? Or did you just say it wasn't his fault?" She asks gently, well as gently as she can. Her tone is soft but the word choice isn't the best. She learned some tact and subtly from her brother but with Mick and her father and the company he kept...she could be crass and straight to the point regardless of how invasive or hurtful it seemed.
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Date: 2018-03-19 01:59 am (UTC)"It's not his fault...why isn't that enough?" His voice is quiet, his eyes focused on his hands in his lap, fingers twisting together.
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Date: 2018-03-19 02:04 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2018-03-19 02:13 am (UTC)His features falter a little, and his eyes flicker toward her for a second or two before dropping down to his hands again. She doesn't understand, either, he keeps having to remind himself of that. It's the kind of thing that changes the way people look at a person, and he doesn't think he could handle that. He doesn't want to see the pity in their eyes if the story is out there. Not to mention the rage-- it would be useless, and he doesn't want the burden on anyone else's shoulders, either. Wasn't it bad enough that he had it on his own, how could he ask anyone else to carry that, too?
"I don't think I can, Lise...it's-- it's not that simple."
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Date: 2018-03-19 02:18 am (UTC)She returns to the couch and hands him the cup and sets the plate on the table before him. She sits beside him, close enough to be present, but not actually touching him. "I love you, Lenny. Okay. Nothing that you've done or not done or what have you could ever make me love you less."
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Date: 2018-03-19 02:26 am (UTC)Some things never change, no matter how much older she gets, somehow Lisa still thinks that food and hot chocolate can fix half the world's problems. Of course, now she knows more about how the world works and knows that isn't true, but she's damned if she doesn't try it as a tactic, anyway.
He accepts the offerings when she returns from the kitchen, picking up the mug of cocoa first; maybe Leonard sort of wishes hot chocolate could fix all his problems, too. "Thanks, Lise... I love you, too." They aren't words he actually says much, even to her, because they're hard. But sometimes they're also necessary. And Leonard can always handle something when it's necessary.
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Date: 2018-03-19 02:35 am (UTC)She sits silently with him, a comfortable presence, at ease around him even if there is still enormous almost typhoon like waves of tension wafting from her brother beside her. She would sit there though, as long as he needed her too.
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Date: 2018-03-19 02:50 am (UTC)Once he's done with the food--she wasn't wrong in assuming he'd only eat half--he sighs and leans his head back against the back of the couch, staring up at the ceiling for a long moment. He looks over at Lisa and smiles a little, something humorless and a little sad. "I think I'm gonna try and sleep. Like you said."
Leonard knows he won't. Not until Mick gets home, at least. There's something about the empty space in the bed next to him that he can't handle. Even during a fight like the one they'd had tonight. Mick is the single most steady presence in his life outside of his sister and the lack of his presence is always obvious, and always hurts inside more than he would dare admit out loud.
But he can lay there and hope he falls asleep until then, anyway.
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Date: 2018-03-19 02:55 am (UTC)Even if he winds up in his own room, the one he shares with Mick, she's gonna park her butt on the bed beside him, back to the headboard, a steady and still silent presence. She's gonna stay until hes asleep enough for her to leave without waking him. Or at least until he pretends well enough for her to humor him.
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Date: 2018-03-19 03:11 am (UTC)He isn't at all surprised when Lisa follows him, quietly insistent on not actually leaving him alone. That may actually be for the best, if he's honest; if she's there, he's not as likely to get caught in the trap of his own head again, and that can never be a bad thing.
"Thanks," he says quietly as he slips back into the room after getting changed into something more comfortable than his usual jeans. She's already sitting there, propped against the headboard like she owns the whole damn bed. "for staying." he finishes softly, sinking down onto the bed in his rightful place.
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