{And in that moment, I swear we were infinite

[myheadisaprison]

For all your Soulmate AU desires!

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[adultflash]

Barry just gives him an amused smile for the teasing. In a way, it helps. He returns the shoulder nudge in acknowledgement. "Thank you, Cisco. And before I slipped again, I wasn't really sure, but now...I think I'm just going to tell her the truth. About me, and about him. And it's not just...all that. Ever since I got back...it's felt like she's been expecting me to be someone I'm not. I feel like if she really knew what I felt, what I wanted...she won't want me anymore," he says, with a weary sigh.

"Tell me I'm not crazy. At least, you know. With that part," he adds, sheepishly.

[thisismadfreaky]

"Yeah," he nods a little, "Truth is probably the best... I just," he steeples his fingers and sighs, dropping his hands down to his lap. "I hope she isn't too harsh about...whatever reaction she has to it?" "You're not crazy." he assures him. "She did great, when she first stepped up after you left, but it's like...she became somebody else since then." he shakes his head and gives Barry an apologetic look. "I barely recognize this version of her, if I'm completely honest." He really hates his own brutal honesty sometimes.

[adultflash]

Barry nods sadly. He actually appreciates Cisco's honesty right now, because it's something he knows he needs confirmed. It's why he wanted to talk to him about it, above anybody else. "I think part of it is my fault. She's upset with me for leaving her, because I didn't talk to her about it first, and I understand it. But I tried to explain that it wasn't about us...I have a whole city to protect. Sometimes I can't spend five minutes asking her if I've made the right choice. But she thinks we're both the Flash, now, and I just...I don't know how to handle that."

[thisismadfreaky]

"You can't....blame yourself for how she reacts to things, Barry. It's not your fault. She has every ability to control how she reacts. That's, like, the only thing you can control, your own reactions. Not other people's actions, or emotions, or reactions...you know? Just yours."

He shrugs a little and reaches for Barry's hand, idly playing with his fingers. "As- as much as it sucked, and I hated every second of you being gone..." There's a pause and he smiles a little. "As a wise old wizard once said, 'There will be a time when we must choose between what is easy and what is right.'" He nods a little, "You did the right thing, Barry... going into the speed force was the right choice. For the city, maybe...the world."

[adultflash]

Barry laughs, tangling his hand with Cisco's and letting him fiddle with it. It's a laugh that's both fond and weary at once. "Thank you. I've needed to hear that, more than anything. Because...going through all that, and coming back and hearing that it was wrong, I just..." It hurt him, more deeply than he could admit for awhile.

"Ever since I've come back she hasn't trusted my decisions, and while maybe I do need to be better at listening sometimes, trust has to go both ways, doesn't it?"

[thisismadfreaky]

"I will tell you...a thousand times, if it'll help, dude." He says, pulling on Barry's hand to tug him into another hug. He doesn't care how much reassurance Barry needs, he'll be there for every second and step of it.

He pulls back and shakes his head. "I dunno, man. I think... I think she got used to--" he waves one hand. "calling the shots and she's run with it." He shakes his head a little. "We are not The Flash. We are a team...but you, my friend, are The Flash."

[adultflash]

"It might, actually," Barry replies, moving right into the hug. He can't help the way he clings to him again, reluctant to let him pull back when he does. He nods at the explanation, and when Cisco says they're a team but he's the Flash, a sound that suspiciously sounds like another sob comes from his throat.

"Sorry, I just...it means so much..." Yeah, he's crying again.

[thisismadfreaky]

Cisco notices the reluctance and smiles, adding, "And, hey, anytime you need a cuddle buddy, you know where to find me." He gives a still-version of finger guns at Barry, hoping mostly just to make him smile. But then he's crying and that's totally the opposite and Cisco smiles at the choked out words. "It's okay, man...I'm here. Whatever you need, okay? And...if it goes bad, after you talk to Iris? Just come over to my place and we'll-- work through it, okay?"

[adultflash]

"I'll probably take you up on both offers," he manages eventually, wiping the tears from his eyes. "I'm sorry I'm such a mess. And the touch, it...being alone for so long without it...I think I need it now more than I ever did before." And Iris isn't exactly the most affectionate partner, at least in terms of giving said affection.

[thisismadfreaky]

"Seriously, it's okay. I mean it, Barry," he tests a hand on his friend's shoulder. "Anything. I'm here, okay?" In that rrgard, Cisco is the exact opposite. He has a hard time not being affectionate with people he cares about. Except Harry. Because hugging him would be like hugging a feral cat and he'd inevitably find claws in his ribs or something. But Barry, he's pretty sure is his platonic soulmate. They were always meant to be best friends, and there's nothing in the world that Cisco wouldn't do for him.

[adultflash]

Barry gives him a warm smile for that. "Likewise, okay? I spent a lot of time being away from you, and you've done so much for me, so anything you need...just ask." Both because he has a hard time accepting that kind of help without offering some in return, but also because he really means it. Barry would not object to the idea that Cisco is his platonic soulmate whatsoever.

[thisismadfreaky]

"Good, I'm glad that's settled." A beat passes and a grin forms on his face as he pulls Barry in for another hug, more on the enthusiastic side than the comforting one this time. "I'm so glad you're back."

[adultflash]

"I'm glad to be back," he says, for the first time since he's returned. He spends a little more time with him, until he feels entirely at ease again. He waits a day, wanting to really prepare his thoughts as much as he can. This isn't a talk that can be rushed.

But it does happen, and the results are about as bad as Cisco worried they would be. Iris questions his thoughts, his feelings, his worries. His sanity. Insists that he trust her again. He knows, when trying to find some resolution to their problems wears him down so much he can barely fight her anymore that he needs to move on. Then he explains that he's found his soulmate, and it's truly over. Even though they haven't started anything, she doesn't trust that he wouldn't, if she didn't want him to.

When he makes his way to Cisco's apartment, it's late in the evening, and he's exhausted. He knocks, realizing he probably should have texted first, but he's not entirely holding it together. He's not slipping again, he's still coherent, but he's close.

[thisismadfreaky]

Cisco decided to leave everything alone, once he and Barry parted ways. He'd have his talk with Iris when he felt like it was manageable and he'd let Cisco know how things went whenever it happened. So he didn't push, he just waited. And Barry was at his door not all that long after their last emotional talk. Cisco answers, only in pajamas as he opens the door. Doesn't take a rocket scientist to take in Barry's appearance and know his talk with Iris didn't go so hot. "Hey, buddy," he waves him inside and shuts the door behind him.

[adultflash]

“Hey,” Barry sighs in reply, following him in. He glances at the floor, rubbing the back of his head awkwardly. “Sorry for just...showing up, I should have warned you. I can go, if it’s not a good time.”

Part of him knows Cisco would rarely turn him away, but that’s not the part of him that’s ruling his brain right now.

[thisismadfreaky]

Cisco waves a dismissive hand at that, "Don't worry about it, dude. I've always got time and space for you." He wraps his fingers gently around Barry's wrist and pulls him along back over to the couch. "Do you wanna talk, or should I get the Häagen-Dazs?"

[adultflash]

Barry gives him a small smile, and lets Cisco lead him to the couch. "Can we do both?" he asks, looking sheepish. "I sort of haven't eaten anything all day."

Which is no good for a normal person, much less a speedster.

[thisismadfreaky]

"Both is good." He smiles a little and pats his friend on the shoulder before heading into the kitchen to grab the ice cream and a pair of spoons. No bowls necessary because this is serious heartbreak business. He drops back down on the couch, a spoonful of ice cream already in his mouth as he holds the carton out to Barry. "So, how'd it go?" Even if the answer is a little obvious.

[adultflash]

Barry makes himself comfortable on the couch, tucking his legs up under a blanket. Then he accepts the carton gratefully, and takes a few bites before he answers. "Well. It could have gone better?"

Barry-speak for "It was a shitshow." Please help him.

[thisismadfreaky]

"Things can always go better," He gives Barry a doubtful look. "How did it actually go? Talk it out, Barry. That's the point."

[adultflash]

Barry stares intently at his ice cream for a long moment. Well. Long for him, anyway. "I did what I said I was going to do...I told her the truth about how I was feeling. Not even the soulmate stuff at first, just...us. And she just....she did everything I said was making me feel uncomfortable. Not trusting me, questioning my worries, my sanity...but still expecting me to trust her. To let her handle things."

[thisismadfreaky]

"She railroaded you, like she's been doing ever since we got you back home." He shakes his head and can't stop the eyeroll that accompanies it. Cisco has been really bothered by a lot of Iris' attitude, but he's kept most of it to himself. Most of it. There was that "What's your deal?" moment that time. But he tried to stay out of it as much as possible. Barry is even more of a people pleaser and anti-confrontationist than he is and he wasn't about to put his best friend in that position.

[adultflash]

"Yeah," Barry agrees with a nod, and eats another few spoonfuls of ice cream. "I was just so...worn down by it that I almost caved. And that's when I brought up everything that happened with Leonard. Not that anything happened with Leonard, just that I knew he was my soulmate. But she didn't trust that nothing would come of that if she wasn't okay with that, and that's when I was just...done."

His people-pleasing ways reached a breaking point today, and he feels both relieved and terribly guilty all at once.

[thisismadfreaky]

"I'm glad you didn't cave," he admits, resting a hand on Barry's arm. "I know it wasn't easy and it really sucks, but...that conversation-- both of them-- really needed to happen." He leans his head on Barry's shoulder, "I'm still sorry, though." he says quietly. "I dunno what I can do, but whatever it may be, you know I'm here for it, right?"

[adultflash]

Barry inhales the rest of his ice cream, because there is cuddling happening, and that's more important. "It really, really sucks. You're right, though. But all the wedding plans were already made, and I knew better than to offer to cancel them all because we've already had that fight. I haven't talked to Joe yet, either. But for now, I just...I just need this."

He leans his own head against Cisco's, and scoots closer to him.