[Cisco isn't sure what the hell idiot drugs he took this morning that have dropped him into the terrible decisions he's made for the night, but at this point there's no turning back. Reverb--who was supposed to be dead, but wasn't--is coming over. To watch arguably one of the best adaptations of anything Philip K. Dick ever touched.
He's got the set-up for movie nights down to an art by now. Sodas, popcorn, and other various snacks all littered the coffee table. He's grabbing the DVD off the shelf when Reverb steps through the portal he'd opened right into his living room, causing Cisco to jump about a mile.]
DUDE! [There are flaily hands in your direction, evil twin.] You're not supposed to just-- materialize in my living room!
[You really should have been expecting this. Like, for real, are you shocked? Reverb looks at Vibe for a good long while before moving further into the room and just taking a seat on his couch without waiting for an invite, slouching contently on it. He doesn't remove his goggles, he sees no reason to.]
[He just watches him as he moves further into the room, already acting like he owns the place.] Right. Well-- whatever. [He waves a dismissive hand and shakes his head, turning back to the DVD player to put the movie in before joining Reverb on the couch. He casts a sideways glance at him, still not sure what he had gotten himself into. Movie date with his evil doppelgänger. Who let him make decisions?
Okay, words. Conversation. because silence is a death sentence to someone like Cisco.] You know the type of weird to expect with Philip K. Dick, right?
Presuming Philip K. Dick is the same on your Earth, yes. And if he isn't the same, I will enjoy the surprise. [He wouldn't have thought that it would be that different given this Earth seemed very similar to his own unlike some Earths he'd been to but hell, it got weird sometimes. Like Beyonce being a celebrity and a singer instead of a senator.
He moves his hands up and removes his glasses, not finding much use for them right now. Slipping them into his jacket pocket, he crosses his arms and looks at the TV.] I always find other Earths fascinating. The differences can be so subtle and still change the entire situation. You'd never think it. I suppose you don't often tourist other Earths though.
[He wonders momentarily if identical twins ever have this surreal feeling looking over at a whole other person and seeing their own face reflected back at them. Because Cisco is feeling a lot of that right now. Does this part case eventually? He sure hopes so.
There's a swell of something sharp and borderline jealous in his chest at the ease with which Reverb talks about visiting other Earth's. Calling himself a tourist like it's some casual vacation anyone could take. How had he become so at ease with what he was, what he could do?]
No, not really. I keep my vacations more-- local. [Liar. What vacation?]
I said it before and I'll say it again, Vibe. You're wasting your talents. You could go anywhere, you could do a lot and what do you do all day?
[Watch movies, help out a speedster and snark? That was what Reverb was basically gathering here. He's not saying his life has a lot going on right now, especially since the whole Zoom thing hit an abrupt end and his own 'death' but he'd gotten a lot done in his life so far and he'd really honed his powers. All things he valued.
Cisco seemed content to do little tricks and gimmicks, never really reaching any achievable potential. It was oddly frustrating.] I'm not saying I had a lot of vacation time working under Zoom but even I found the time to get out and use my powers to have a little fun once in a while.
[No one has to count the ways Cisco's life has been a disappointment or failure in some way or another. He's done that for them, all on his own. But of everything he is uncertain about, this is the biggest one.] Well, we've already established I'm not you, sooo... [He trails off and gives a bit of a facial shrug, like that tells what the rest of the sentence should have been.
He can't help the curiosity, though, shifting a little to face him.] Why do you care anyway? And for the record, bragging about your powers, not classy. Especially when you were just a good little soldier carrying out some psycho's dirty work.
[Oh, wait. Words. He should probably be more careful with them. Well, too late now.]
[Does this moment feel tense? Good. It should feel tense. Reverb purposefully hasn't move or reacted just yet, he's just leaving that in the open so Cisco can enjoy how awful this moment must feel. Finally, he turned his head to Cisco and a smile with no humour forms on his face.]
Look at that, we have something in common after all. We were both idiots who fell in line with speedsters. Speedsters who use us, who keep us down and prevent us from achieving our true potential. The main difference? I was always aware of the situation. I was there because circumstances beyond my control dictated my actions. I knew where the power lied, I knew how best to climb the ladder. You? Well. You're friends with him, aren't you? That's real... cute. How's that one working out for you?
[There's a sneer there as he looked away again.] I always knew Zoom would turn on me. I wonder when the Flash will turn on you.
[The tension, the silence, it's heavy and stretches to uncomfortable levels. To the point that he was pretty sure something incredibly terrible might happen. But finally, he was talking and Cisco could breathe again.
Until the weight of those words hit him.
Instantly, he's shaking his head.] He is nothing like Zoom. He wouldn't-- he wouldn't do that.
[He hesitates, almost thinking better of asking at all, but he wants to know. Needs to, even, maybe.] If you knew...why did you stay? You could have gone anywhere, to any universe at your disposal, but you stayed. There had to be a reason.
I never said he was like Zoom, I just said that there seems to be a pattern. With us and speedsters. He doesn't have to be a psychopath or a murderer to use you, to let you down, to hurt you.
[It was a matter of time. That was what people were like and people with powers, in his experience, were worse. They always had a self obsession and he found that speedsters were the most insufferable about it. Their healing and speed made them feel untouchable. And sometimes, they really were. It did a little too much for the ego.]
There was a reason. [Reverb isn't sure how much he wanted to share so he simply shrugged.] There was a risk. Always a risk. Not for me, like I said, I knew. I accepted the risk for myself from day one. But there were ... others to consider.
He wouldn't hurt me on purpose. [But his voice is softer, smaller, because even if he would defrnd him down to the end, Barry was selfish and Cisco knows that, sees it in him as easy as breathing. His actions are fueled by his own wants or needs or emotions, but...he helps people, and that's the difference that matters. Right?]
Who did he hold above your head and threaten if you didn't comply? [Because that, at least, makes sense. Puts another piece in the puzzle down to better understand why Reverb made the choices he had.]
So? Good intentions isn't always an excuse you can get behind. It sounds good on paper but betrayal is still betrayal, no matter what the motivator is. [Being friends was a weakness, it left him exposed. Maybe one day he'd get that. Reverb didn't need to force the point any more, he just needed to plant the seeds and watch them grow.]
I'm trying to watch a movie. I came to do that, didn't I? Stop prodding me for information. [No, he's not going to make this easy, not by any stretch. He does, however, start to smirk ever so slightly as a fun idea comes to mind. He turned to Cisco, an amused expression there.] Though I am curious, I suppose I can play this game but you have to play too.
Now cast yourself in the role of me. You're Zoom's henchmen, he has leverage over you. He has a person or, I guess, persons. Who would they be? [There's an almost challenging raise of his eyebrow.] Sharing is caring, Vibe. You start, I'll reply in kind.
Yeah, I guess... [He sounds the tiniest bit shaky and uncertain. Because there had to be something that set them apart from the villains they faced, and if not that, what? He decides not to think about it much and pushes it down and away for now.
He opens his mouth to grumble a begrudging fine when suddenly, he's interested. And turning the tables on him, which he really should have expected, but somehow it still guts him when he asks.
Probably because of the way he immediately knows the answer and he doesn't want to even consider it.
His gaze drops and he physically turns his head away, tongue pressed to his cheek as he does, actually, envision it. There were so many ways somrone like Zoom could keep someone like Cisco in check. Eobard Thawne had done plenty of it himself, smaller, subtler manipulations that hurt more in the end. But Zoom was more brazen than that, more ruthless, more in your face about things. Zoom was more personal...and just thinking of Hartley locked up in some cell somewhere, his everything at the mercy of a psychopath--
He squeezes his eyes shut against the picture in his mind, but he does finally breathe out an answer, barely a whisper.] Hartley. [He clears his throat and tries again, a little louder.] Hartley Rathaway.
[There's a look as Reverb paused and slowly took in what was just said to him. That was unexpected and yet, so very expected. Slowly, a small knowing look formed on his face and he nodded his head.]
Snap. Look at that, we have even more in common.
[He didn't often like to share this much of himself but he was caught in a good mood and this had taken a turn that he hadn't expected yet found himself oddly moved by. It was good to know other universes followed the same patterns. That he wasn't the only one head over heels with Hartley Rathaway. In one universe or another.]
We have the same Hart. [There's a faint smile on his face as he raised his hand and idly traced the necklace he was wearing through his shirt.] Imagine for a second that your Hartley, whoever he is and whatever he may be to you, is under threat. Tell me, how much of a risk would you be willing to take if it meant you were gambling him?
What? [The word doesn't even have volume, it's just a confused, silent movement of his mouth. He doesn't get the same strange comfort from the idea. In fact, Cisco has no idea how to feel about it at all.
That ghost of something like a smile pulls at him, though. Because he knows that feeling.
He shakes his head slightly, a new wave of understanding falling over him.] No. No, I couldn't risk him like that.
Everyone has a weakness. I tried to keep it from Zoom but I think to a degree, I made it worse doing that. He always had Dante but he never knew about Hart. And the more ammo Zoom had, the happier he was that he had me under control.
[And it worked. He did everything and anything for Zoom, he did it happily too. Whatever kept those he loved safe and unharmed. Too bad it didn't work out that way.
It was strange, he had no idea what to think about any of this. Sharing with his doppelganger didn't feel too risky but exposing weakness to anyone was always unsettling.]
You said Hartley Rathaway. Is he still a Rathaway on your Earth?
["I think ... I made it worse." Well, that hits him hard like a brick. One of the things he's always some degree of worried about is being the reason anyone he cares about suffers. He's uneasy with just how alike they're shaping up to be. He even feels bad for the guy right now, having that piece of information in his pocket now.] He forced your hand...because that's what dicks like Zoom do.
[That question throw him off a bit and it probably shows on his face more than he meant it to. Holy shit, were they married or something?] Uh, yeah...?
Not entirely. I agreed to work for Zoom before... before I had anything. I only had Dante. I loved it. Working for Zoom. The power, the feeling of being better than everyone else, stronger. No one could push me around. [He had been so weak for so long, it felt beautiful just to have that kind of position, to be something, to matter. He never felt like that before and Zoom had given him that. He thought that was as good as it got.
And then he met Hart. That was when the tides had changed.] I thought that was what would make me feel like I was something. My destiny. Then Hart happened.
[Carefully, he lowered his shirt collar a little so he could pull out his necklace. A small chain with a ring attached.] If I had realised sooner that something like him could happen, things would have never gone this way. I would have been very different. But it didn't. And this is all I have left.
[He doesn't look at Cisco. He just looked at the ring.] I am what Zoom made me. Too late to change that now. Even when I'm free of him.
[Instantly and with no way of stopping it, there are comparisons between Reverb and Zoom and himself and Thawne. The situations were painfully similar, despite how differently they played out. No matter how different...it all still essentially boiled down to a mentor twisting a weakness into their own advantage.
Zoom had seen the part of Reverb that wanted to be powerful, nurtured it, twisted it into something dark, and Thawne had used Cisco's own loneliness and need for acceptance to make him play right into his hand. It all makes his stomach twist.] You're wrong. He still forced your hand. You agreed before, fine, but-- why do you think you were even on his radar? [Cisco knows, in the back of his mind, these next words probably won't be received super well, but that's not stopping him from saying them anyway.] He saw something in you he could manipulate, and it started the second you spoke to him. He forced your hand from day one. He just got better and more leverage as time went on.
[His eyes drop to look at the necklace and he doesn't have to ask. "This is all I have left." The heaviness in the air hanging between them says everything.
Usually, he's not the optimist, he finds it harder to hope and be disappointed than to just expect nothing and not be surprised for things not working out. But this time, the words, for all their stupid hope, just tumble out of his mouth before he can stop them.] That's not true. Like you said, you're free from him. This-- this is your chance to do whatever the hell you want. If you want to be somebody else, if you want to change anything about who he made you to be...what's stopping you?
You say that like I was ever a good person. I knew I was being played, even from the moment I met him. I know exactly who I am, Francisco, I knew what I was doing. And I enjoyed doing it. It was a stepping stone to me, just a way to get to the place I needed to be. [He couldn't say that before he met Hart, he never had much of an issue with what he was doing. Sure, killing was hard at first, it was a struggle when he was younger and more innocent but it soon became just part of the job. Routined. Everything did. All the horrible things he did, they never felt wrong.
And then it changed. Then it was a lot harder to listen blindly to Zoom, it was a lot harder to take a life when he knew exactly what Hart felt about it. To know that person was loved and felt love, that they had someone at him waiting for them. What he used to feel about it had changed. Pulling back from Zoom had been the hardest thing he'd ever done and even then, it hadn't gone at all how he planned. If anything, the whole thing just fell apart worse the more he tried to pull back.
People got hurt. Important people. That was what happened when he tried, he made a bigger mess.] It felt good to be powerful but I was never enough. That's why I couldn't -- that's why I failed.
[The words die, he can't bring himself to say it. That he failed Hart. That he let the only person he'd loved like that die because of his own idiocy and weakness. He was right what he said, he couldn't take down Zoom alone. He needed someone. He'd needed Cisco. An unlikely but last ditch attempt. A suicide mission.] Nothing is stopping me but nothing is motivating me. What good does being better do me now? What is going to come from any of this? It's already over. I lost.
[There's a definite squinched face pulled at the use of his full name. Don't do that. It's weird.] So, I'm just supposed to believe you were always evil? [Okay, yeah. Maybe it's possible. Maybe some people are just born off-kilter. But is it so wrong to not want to believe that of someone with his face? And a lot of similar life experiences?] Why would you just allow yourself to be played in hand like that? That doesn't even line up with what I know about you. [Does it? It doesn't seem to. Or maybe he really just doesn't know him as well as he thinks. Not that he thinks he knows him inside and out or anything, but still.] I mean, before he had that leverage of Hartley over you, why...was it really just all about the power? [Because hi, that's part of what freaking terrifies him over all of his own powers. That the taste of it wouldn't be enough, that he would eventually... become consumed by it all.
There's something there, in that hesitation, in the admission of failure, that tugs at something in his chest. It's the all too-familiar blame turned inward and Cisco recognizes it instantly, flawlessly, because he's felt it too many times before himself. As much as instinct screams at him to say it wasn't his fault--because Cisco can always tell other people things weren't their fault, even if he can't ever be that forgiving to himself, tables turned--he can't figure out a way to say it. Because whatever happened, whatever the details are, no matter how much or how little Reverb really was at fault...Cisco knows he can't change that feeling in him, especially not him, certainly not with words, generic platitudes that always feel meaningless, no matter their intentions.
So, he doesn't try. Because he feels like it would be an insult to try. Instead, he just lets that moment, that heavy heartedness live, and eventually pass, and leaves it alone. He has to stop himself from saying the words burning on the end of his tongue. Out of respect for that loss. "What would he want for you?" He changes direction slightly when he finally speaks again.] So...what's next, then?
I never really felt like a good person. [He wanted to be, it just never happened. His parents didn't make it any easier and a childhood spend non-stop with Dante made it even harder. They didn't have much, they had to survive. Together. They were criminals before they were henchmen, it wasn't any shock to them to move from one to the other.] It was about power. Being untouchable. [Not wanting anyone to be able to hurt him ever again. To say he'd had an unhappy childhood was putting it lightly and he never quite felt like he was strong enough. The day he realised the power he had and just what he could do with it, it was a game changer for him. It was a chance to make sure no one ever got close again. He looked at Cisco for a moment, not very good at any of this, at expressing himself emotionally. He kept his face as neutral as he could. He hated being vulnerable.]
I let myself get carried away because I wanted it. When I used my powers, when I made people hurt, it felt good because for once, it wasn't me. [He was weak and he gave into something because it was easier. He could lose himself in it and be strong, unstoppable, and that was just simpler than pausing for a moment and thinking about himself, his options, why he felt the way he did and trying to do something else.] Do you at least understand that? The feeling of submitting to something stronger to escape. Maybe you don't. Maybe one day you will. I regret it but at the time, I saw no other option. We're smart, see, but we never think when it comes to us. We just act.
[And look where it got him. He turned his head back to the TV and his fingers ghosted over the ring on the end of the necklace. What now? Well. What was there to do? No Hart, no Dante, he had nothing. There was no purpose. No reason. Nothing.] I haven't decided but a man with nothing to lose is a man who can't easily be stopped. Perhaps I can finally have what I wanted all those years ago. [To be a God. Not loved, not happy but powerful. That was something.]
[Maybe what scares him more than anything is just how easily and how well he does understand where he's coming from. In a way, it almost confirms his own fears because a lot of what he's saying just continues to prove how alike they can be. In a lot of ways...Reverb is the mirror image of who he could become under the right circumstances.
His voice is soft, quiet, like he's admitting a secret no one was ever supposed to know.] Yeah...I can understand that. [Instinctively, he wraps his arms around himself, a futile attempt at shielding himself from everything this conversation is forcing him to feel. He'd rather run from it, shove it in a box and forget about it, but he can't. But if Reverb can open up, show that kind of vulnerability, it's only fair he reciprocate.] It's what scares me about it... because I do feel it. That power that's in us... and I know I've barely even scratched the surface of it and it's so raw and huge and there's so many things that I could do with it, but-- [He shakes his head. The fear probably doesn't even make sense to someone like him.] it's terrifying to me, what I could do, what I could be capable of. Was it never like that for you? Ever?
I...I don't think it's that easy. [He says quietly, unable to take his eyes off his twin fidgeting with the necklace he wore. Knowing what it symbolizes just hurts. He blinks, hard, and looks back up to Reverb's face.] I don't think you can go back to the way it was before. Who you were before...stopped existing when you found him.
Of course. I was terrified. The first time I vibed, properly vibed, it scared the hell out of me. And each time I learned something new, it was always scared. As much as I wanted power, I feared it as well. [It was always a shock in the beginning when he accidentally vibed something that was about to happen and found himself lost in that strange blue hue that seemed to overtake everything. And the stronger he got, the worse it got in many ways. He enjoyed being powerful and strong but he did fear what he could achieve and what he could do. It took a long time to push passed the hesitancy that seemed to cripple Cisco. The only thing that held Reverb back was the fear of failure.]
I didn't have anyone to really talk to about my powers, I learned most of what I knew from Zoom. Sure, I had someone there for me, Dante, but he could only help so much. He didn't understand what it meant to be a meta, to have these powers. He tried but -- There are some things you can get from another meta that you can't get from your idiot brother, you know what I'm saying? [There was a small smile there because if this Cisco had a brother at all like his and knew anything about what that was like, surely he could empathise with that idea. Being alone and lost with a scary new power and the only person there for him was the person who once told him there was a monster under the bed that would bite his feet off if he got off the bed at night.]
Perhaps it's not a terrible thing that you're afraid, you'll make less mistakes than I've made. Still, don't let it hold you back. Don't be weak just to please others, meet your potential. [He felt a sharp stab inside at the idea of existing without Hart, to try and be someone without him, he slowly let his hand fall from the ring.] Maybe I can't but without him, I barely care about anything. He was my heart in many ways, he made me feel. Without him, it's just not there. [He paused and pulled a face, unable to help himself as that look evolved into a look of almost sad amusement.] This is not how I saw this evening going, I have to say,
[The relief Cisco feels at hearing that he had been scared in the beginning too is almost tangible, and definitely visible on his face, in the way his shoulders relax the tiniest bit. If someone as powerful and confident as Reverb was scared of his own capabilities, then maybe he wasn't such a fuck up. Maybe he could get around it somehow in the end.] Couldda fooled me. You're, like-- [There's a vague wave of his hand in the others' general direction, a sweeping motion, up and down, and hand dropped back to his lap again seconds later.] the epitome of confidence or something. [Which is annoying. And rude. And teach him how, please?
He shrugs one shoulder at the question. He understood that better than Reverb did, he's pretty sure. Except the difference is that distance, that lack of true understanding between Cisco and his Dante didn't just come from the human/meta line of separation, it was buried way deeper than that.] Yeah, I guess. I mean-- [His hands, always moving, always animated, almost like he couldn't talk without it.] it's easier when somebody has a similar experience or issue or whatever for them to understand it. It makes sense.
[His lips roll together at those words, almost...encouraging in nature, and the moment is odd as it hangs between them. Cisco isn't sure what to make of it, getting advice from his other-Earth-self seems so strange. He doesn't even comment on it, just takes it in for what it's worth.
Cisco doesn't really know what to say anymore about Reverb's Hartley, either, but the faintest smile tugs at one corner of his mouth. The way he talks about him...it's almost sweet. Tragic, under the circumstances, but sweet all the same. That hint of a smile turns into a more full-on smirk of sorts and he shakes his head.] Yeah, not really what I expected, either, actually.
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Date: 2016-10-14 11:06 pm (UTC)He's got the set-up for movie nights down to an art by now. Sodas, popcorn, and other various snacks all littered the coffee table. He's grabbing the DVD off the shelf when Reverb steps through the portal he'd opened right into his living room, causing Cisco to jump about a mile.]
DUDE! [There are flaily hands in your direction, evil twin.] You're not supposed to just-- materialize in my living room!
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Date: 2016-10-16 09:35 pm (UTC)[You really should have been expecting this. Like, for real, are you shocked? Reverb looks at Vibe for a good long while before moving further into the room and just taking a seat on his couch without waiting for an invite, slouching contently on it. He doesn't remove his goggles, he sees no reason to.]
How else was I suppose to enter?
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Date: 2016-10-17 05:24 am (UTC)Okay, words. Conversation. because silence is a death sentence to someone like Cisco.] You know the type of weird to expect with Philip K. Dick, right?
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Date: 2016-10-18 06:09 pm (UTC)He moves his hands up and removes his glasses, not finding much use for them right now. Slipping them into his jacket pocket, he crosses his arms and looks at the TV.] I always find other Earths fascinating. The differences can be so subtle and still change the entire situation. You'd never think it. I suppose you don't often tourist other Earths though.
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Date: 2016-10-18 08:46 pm (UTC)There's a swell of something sharp and borderline jealous in his chest at the ease with which Reverb talks about visiting other Earth's. Calling himself a tourist like it's some casual vacation anyone could take. How had he become so at ease with what he was, what he could do?]
No, not really. I keep my vacations more-- local. [Liar. What vacation?]
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Date: 2016-10-18 08:58 pm (UTC)[Watch movies, help out a speedster and snark? That was what Reverb was basically gathering here. He's not saying his life has a lot going on right now, especially since the whole Zoom thing hit an abrupt end and his own 'death' but he'd gotten a lot done in his life so far and he'd really honed his powers. All things he valued.
Cisco seemed content to do little tricks and gimmicks, never really reaching any achievable potential. It was oddly frustrating.] I'm not saying I had a lot of vacation time working under Zoom but even I found the time to get out and use my powers to have a little fun once in a while.
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Date: 2016-10-18 09:14 pm (UTC)He can't help the curiosity, though, shifting a little to face him.] Why do you care anyway? And for the record, bragging about your powers, not classy. Especially when you were just a good little soldier carrying out some psycho's dirty work.
[Oh, wait. Words. He should probably be more careful with them. Well, too late now.]
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Date: 2016-10-18 09:24 pm (UTC)Look at that, we have something in common after all. We were both idiots who fell in line with speedsters. Speedsters who use us, who keep us down and prevent us from achieving our true potential. The main difference? I was always aware of the situation. I was there because circumstances beyond my control dictated my actions. I knew where the power lied, I knew how best to climb the ladder. You? Well. You're friends with him, aren't you? That's real... cute. How's that one working out for you?
[There's a sneer there as he looked away again.] I always knew Zoom would turn on me. I wonder when the Flash will turn on you.
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Date: 2016-10-18 09:48 pm (UTC)Until the weight of those words hit him.
Instantly, he's shaking his head.] He is nothing like Zoom. He wouldn't-- he wouldn't do that.
[He hesitates, almost thinking better of asking at all, but he wants to know. Needs to, even, maybe.] If you knew...why did you stay? You could have gone anywhere, to any universe at your disposal, but you stayed. There had to be a reason.
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Date: 2016-10-18 10:02 pm (UTC)[It was a matter of time. That was what people were like and people with powers, in his experience, were worse. They always had a self obsession and he found that speedsters were the most insufferable about it. Their healing and speed made them feel untouchable. And sometimes, they really were. It did a little too much for the ego.]
There was a reason. [Reverb isn't sure how much he wanted to share so he simply shrugged.] There was a risk. Always a risk. Not for me, like I said, I knew. I accepted the risk for myself from day one. But there were ... others to consider.
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Date: 2016-10-18 10:17 pm (UTC)Who did he hold above your head and threaten if you didn't comply? [Because that, at least, makes sense. Puts another piece in the puzzle down to better understand why Reverb made the choices he had.]
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Date: 2016-10-18 10:38 pm (UTC)I'm trying to watch a movie. I came to do that, didn't I? Stop prodding me for information. [No, he's not going to make this easy, not by any stretch. He does, however, start to smirk ever so slightly as a fun idea comes to mind. He turned to Cisco, an amused expression there.] Though I am curious, I suppose I can play this game but you have to play too.
Now cast yourself in the role of me. You're Zoom's henchmen, he has leverage over you. He has a person or, I guess, persons. Who would they be? [There's an almost challenging raise of his eyebrow.] Sharing is caring, Vibe. You start, I'll reply in kind.
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Date: 2016-10-18 11:53 pm (UTC)He opens his mouth to grumble a begrudging fine when suddenly, he's interested. And turning the tables on him, which he really should have expected, but somehow it still guts him when he asks.
Probably because of the way he immediately knows the answer and he doesn't want to even consider it.
His gaze drops and he physically turns his head away, tongue pressed to his cheek as he does, actually, envision it. There were so many ways somrone like Zoom could keep someone like Cisco in check. Eobard Thawne had done plenty of it himself, smaller, subtler manipulations that hurt more in the end. But Zoom was more brazen than that, more ruthless, more in your face about things. Zoom was more personal...and just thinking of Hartley locked up in some cell somewhere, his everything at the mercy of a psychopath--
He squeezes his eyes shut against the picture in his mind, but he does finally breathe out an answer, barely a whisper.] Hartley. [He clears his throat and tries again, a little louder.] Hartley Rathaway.
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Date: 2016-10-19 12:06 am (UTC)Snap. Look at that, we have even more in common.
[He didn't often like to share this much of himself but he was caught in a good mood and this had taken a turn that he hadn't expected yet found himself oddly moved by. It was good to know other universes followed the same patterns. That he wasn't the only one head over heels with Hartley Rathaway. In one universe or another.]
We have the same Hart. [There's a faint smile on his face as he raised his hand and idly traced the necklace he was wearing through his shirt.] Imagine for a second that your Hartley, whoever he is and whatever he may be to you, is under threat. Tell me, how much of a risk would you be willing to take if it meant you were gambling him?
I never could.
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Date: 2016-10-19 12:55 am (UTC)That ghost of something like a smile pulls at him, though. Because he knows that feeling.
He shakes his head slightly, a new wave of understanding falling over him.] No. No, I couldn't risk him like that.
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Date: 2016-10-19 09:15 am (UTC)[And it worked. He did everything and anything for Zoom, he did it happily too. Whatever kept those he loved safe and unharmed. Too bad it didn't work out that way.
It was strange, he had no idea what to think about any of this. Sharing with his doppelganger didn't feel too risky but exposing weakness to anyone was always unsettling.]
You said Hartley Rathaway. Is he still a Rathaway on your Earth?
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Date: 2016-10-19 01:06 pm (UTC)[That question throw him off a bit and it probably shows on his face more than he meant it to. Holy shit, were they married or something?] Uh, yeah...?
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Date: 2016-10-19 01:17 pm (UTC)And then he met Hart. That was when the tides had changed.] I thought that was what would make me feel like I was something. My destiny. Then Hart happened.
[Carefully, he lowered his shirt collar a little so he could pull out his necklace. A small chain with a ring attached.] If I had realised sooner that something like him could happen, things would have never gone this way. I would have been very different. But it didn't. And this is all I have left.
[He doesn't look at Cisco. He just looked at the ring.] I am what Zoom made me. Too late to change that now. Even when I'm free of him.
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Date: 2016-10-19 01:51 pm (UTC)Zoom had seen the part of Reverb that wanted to be powerful, nurtured it, twisted it into something dark, and Thawne had used Cisco's own loneliness and need for acceptance to make him play right into his hand. It all makes his stomach twist.] You're wrong. He still forced your hand. You agreed before, fine, but-- why do you think you were even on his radar? [Cisco knows, in the back of his mind, these next words probably won't be received super well, but that's not stopping him from saying them anyway.] He saw something in you he could manipulate, and it started the second you spoke to him. He forced your hand from day one. He just got better and more leverage as time went on.
[His eyes drop to look at the necklace and he doesn't have to ask. "This is all I have left." The heaviness in the air hanging between them says everything.
Usually, he's not the optimist, he finds it harder to hope and be disappointed than to just expect nothing and not be surprised for things not working out. But this time, the words, for all their stupid hope, just tumble out of his mouth before he can stop them.] That's not true. Like you said, you're free from him. This-- this is your chance to do whatever the hell you want. If you want to be somebody else, if you want to change anything about who he made you to be...what's stopping you?
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Date: 2016-10-19 03:31 pm (UTC)And then it changed. Then it was a lot harder to listen blindly to Zoom, it was a lot harder to take a life when he knew exactly what Hart felt about it. To know that person was loved and felt love, that they had someone at him waiting for them. What he used to feel about it had changed. Pulling back from Zoom had been the hardest thing he'd ever done and even then, it hadn't gone at all how he planned. If anything, the whole thing just fell apart worse the more he tried to pull back.
People got hurt. Important people. That was what happened when he tried, he made a bigger mess.] It felt good to be powerful but I was never enough. That's why I couldn't -- that's why I failed.
[The words die, he can't bring himself to say it. That he failed Hart. That he let the only person he'd loved like that die because of his own idiocy and weakness. He was right what he said, he couldn't take down Zoom alone. He needed someone. He'd needed Cisco. An unlikely but last ditch attempt. A suicide mission.] Nothing is stopping me but nothing is motivating me. What good does being better do me now? What is going to come from any of this? It's already over. I lost.
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Date: 2016-10-19 04:20 pm (UTC)There's something there, in that hesitation, in the admission of failure, that tugs at something in his chest. It's the all too-familiar blame turned inward and Cisco recognizes it instantly, flawlessly, because he's felt it too many times before himself. As much as instinct screams at him to say it wasn't his fault--because Cisco can always tell other people things weren't their fault, even if he can't ever be that forgiving to himself, tables turned--he can't figure out a way to say it. Because whatever happened, whatever the details are, no matter how much or how little Reverb really was at fault...Cisco knows he can't change that feeling in him, especially not him, certainly not with words, generic platitudes that always feel meaningless, no matter their intentions.
So, he doesn't try. Because he feels like it would be an insult to try. Instead, he just lets that moment, that heavy heartedness live, and eventually pass, and leaves it alone. He has to stop himself from saying the words burning on the end of his tongue. Out of respect for that loss. "What would he want for you?" He changes direction slightly when he finally speaks again.] So...what's next, then?
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Date: 2016-10-19 04:41 pm (UTC)I let myself get carried away because I wanted it. When I used my powers, when I made people hurt, it felt good because for once, it wasn't me. [He was weak and he gave into something because it was easier. He could lose himself in it and be strong, unstoppable, and that was just simpler than pausing for a moment and thinking about himself, his options, why he felt the way he did and trying to do something else.] Do you at least understand that? The feeling of submitting to something stronger to escape. Maybe you don't. Maybe one day you will. I regret it but at the time, I saw no other option. We're smart, see, but we never think when it comes to us. We just act.
[And look where it got him. He turned his head back to the TV and his fingers ghosted over the ring on the end of the necklace. What now? Well. What was there to do? No Hart, no Dante, he had nothing. There was no purpose. No reason. Nothing.] I haven't decided but a man with nothing to lose is a man who can't easily be stopped. Perhaps I can finally have what I wanted all those years ago. [To be a God. Not loved, not happy but powerful. That was something.]
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Date: 2016-10-19 05:19 pm (UTC)His voice is soft, quiet, like he's admitting a secret no one was ever supposed to know.] Yeah...I can understand that. [Instinctively, he wraps his arms around himself, a futile attempt at shielding himself from everything this conversation is forcing him to feel. He'd rather run from it, shove it in a box and forget about it, but he can't. But if Reverb can open up, show that kind of vulnerability, it's only fair he reciprocate.] It's what scares me about it... because I do feel it. That power that's in us... and I know I've barely even scratched the surface of it and it's so raw and huge and there's so many things that I could do with it, but-- [He shakes his head. The fear probably doesn't even make sense to someone like him.] it's terrifying to me, what I could do, what I could be capable of. Was it never like that for you? Ever?
I...I don't think it's that easy. [He says quietly, unable to take his eyes off his twin fidgeting with the necklace he wore. Knowing what it symbolizes just hurts. He blinks, hard, and looks back up to Reverb's face.] I don't think you can go back to the way it was before. Who you were before...stopped existing when you found him.
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Date: 2016-10-19 05:41 pm (UTC)I didn't have anyone to really talk to about my powers, I learned most of what I knew from Zoom. Sure, I had someone there for me, Dante, but he could only help so much. He didn't understand what it meant to be a meta, to have these powers. He tried but -- There are some things you can get from another meta that you can't get from your idiot brother, you know what I'm saying? [There was a small smile there because if this Cisco had a brother at all like his and knew anything about what that was like, surely he could empathise with that idea. Being alone and lost with a scary new power and the only person there for him was the person who once told him there was a monster under the bed that would bite his feet off if he got off the bed at night.]
Perhaps it's not a terrible thing that you're afraid, you'll make less mistakes than I've made. Still, don't let it hold you back. Don't be weak just to please others, meet your potential. [He felt a sharp stab inside at the idea of existing without Hart, to try and be someone without him, he slowly let his hand fall from the ring.] Maybe I can't but without him, I barely care about anything. He was my heart in many ways, he made me feel. Without him, it's just not there. [He paused and pulled a face, unable to help himself as that look evolved into a look of almost sad amusement.] This is not how I saw this evening going, I have to say,
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Date: 2016-10-19 06:10 pm (UTC)He shrugs one shoulder at the question. He understood that better than Reverb did, he's pretty sure. Except the difference is that distance, that lack of true understanding between Cisco and his Dante didn't just come from the human/meta line of separation, it was buried way deeper than that.] Yeah, I guess. I mean-- [His hands, always moving, always animated, almost like he couldn't talk without it.] it's easier when somebody has a similar experience or issue or whatever for them to understand it. It makes sense.
[His lips roll together at those words, almost...encouraging in nature, and the moment is odd as it hangs between them. Cisco isn't sure what to make of it, getting advice from his other-Earth-self seems so strange. He doesn't even comment on it, just takes it in for what it's worth.
Cisco doesn't really know what to say anymore about Reverb's Hartley, either, but the faintest smile tugs at one corner of his mouth. The way he talks about him...it's almost sweet. Tragic, under the circumstances, but sweet all the same. That hint of a smile turns into a more full-on smirk of sorts and he shakes his head.] Yeah, not really what I expected, either, actually.
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