{And in that moment, I swear we were infinite

[myheadisaprison]

For all your Soulmate AU desires!

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[thisismadfreaky]

Cisco has a coffee from Jitters in one hand and is texting Caitlin with the other as he wanders down the cortex when he hears the tail-end of... something. Iris and Barry and-- "Hey, hey, whoa, what's goin' on?" He sets the coffee down on the nearest flat surface and slides his phone in his pocket as he darts over toward the pair of them. "Iris? What happened? Why's he...Beautiful Minding on us all over again?"

[adultflash]

Barry just gives Cisco a vague smile, and Iris gives Cisco an exasperated look. "I don't know, he just came in like this. He said he didn't remember anything about this, that he felt like a new person! We have an appointment with a caterer in an hour, Cisco."

She makes her way to the crime monitoring system. "I'll have to find a way to put myself in danger again, it worked last time."

Success, he's found a marker. Barry starts writing on the wall, the familiar symbols flooding his mind again. He has things he needs to say, and there are so many ways to say them. But no one understands him.

[thisismadfreaky]

"Well, there-- there has to be a reason. People...have backslides, it happens. We'll figure it out, we--" Barry's scribbling nonsense again and Iris is darting over to the computers talking about putting herself in some kind of danger. Cisco throws a glance at her over his shoulder and scrambles to his feet, "What- no!" He puts a hand on hers to stop her search and hopefully make her look at him. The look in his own eyes is intense, and firm. "Just... don't do anything rash, okay? Let me try. I don't think he's totally clicked out, I think it's--" He glances back over at Barry and sighs, shaking his head. "I don't know." He looks back at Iris, "But let me try first, okay? Before you do something crazy."

[adultflash]

Iris relents, crossing her arms. The look she's giving Barry is one not so much of concern as it is disappointment. "Okay, you can try. But let me know if you think you can't, okay? I need him back."

Barry mumbles something at that. It is a response, and it isn't. "You may think it's worth the risk, but I couldn't live with myself."

Words from the future, but he's saying them to him. Not her.

Iris leaves to let Cisco figure it out, and Barry's quiet again, just writing.

[thisismadfreaky]

Cisco nods at her request, despite how little he feels the need to follow up on it later, even if he does feel like he can't fix it, and watches her leave. "What?" He spins around and scrambles back over to drop down next to Barry. "Risk? What risk, buddy? We're okay. Everybody's safe." For now. But that seems like bad juju to throw into the universe, nevermind at a Barry who's sliding backwards in a connection with reality. He slides a hand on his friend's shoulder, giving a light squeeze.

[adultflash]

"Now. But now isn't...now. Everything is..." He trails off when Cisco touches his shoulder, in much the same way Leonard had. Leonard. His soulmate. Oh.

He drops the marker, leaning against his best friend. He tries to breathe, tears threatening to spill out.

[thisismadfreaky]

"Too much?" It seems like a really fitting, natural end to that sentence, especially with the way that Barry slumps over against him. It's the kind of thing that kind of breaks his heart and he can't think of anything else to do but wrap him up in a hug. "It'll be okay, Barry... everything's gonna work out."

[adultflash]

Barry just cries against him when Cisco says everything is gonna work out. It doesn't feel like it right now, but he trusts him. And the hug is exactly the kind of comfort he needs right now. It's what all he needed when he came back, too, but no one realized it. Not that he could blame them, considering. But now it's the stabilizing force he needs, and he eventually relaxes against him.

"I'm sorry, Cisco," he mumbles into his shoulder. "I couldn't stop it."

[thisismadfreaky]

Cisco will hold him until Barry wants him to let go, and he's perfectly content to stay on the floor all night if he has to. He mutters quiet assurances and lets him cry, running a hand soothingly up and down his back. Barry has never been great at actually letting himself feel things, and Cisco thinks that's part of the whole problem, here. "Hey, no, it's okay." he shakes his head. "Dude, you're my best friend. I'd do anything for you." There's a beat and he smiles a little, attempting to add a little levity to the moment. "I think hugs and a wet shirt are pretty reasonable prices to pay for you being okay."

[adultflash]

Barry laughs a little at that, but he doesn't let go just yet. He needs the touch more than he can admit. "Thank you," he says, quietly. "For not...forcing it away. For accepting it. It means a lot to me."

That's his way of admitting he remembers. And even though he didn't actually get to talk to Iris during any of that, her reactions solidified his feelings.

"You know how Leonard visited earlier? He stopped by because it's my birthday, which was really nice of him, especially because I'd forgotten, but he also...explained some things. Apparently we're soulmates."

[thisismadfreaky]

Cisco shakes his head, "You're you, whether you're talking about bitchin' houses and sounding like a Dr. Seuss book, or if you're running around and saving the city from yet another catastrophe." he shakes his head, smiling again and resting a hand on his friends shoulder. "I spent six months trying to get you back...no way am I givin' up on you now." He nods at the memory prompt, "Yeah, that was nice and weird and-- we- we really do need to work on the security in here, man...its a problem." But as Barry continues, Cisco just... blinks and stares. "I'm sorry, who is the what now?" Nope. No. Noooope. No way did he hear that right.

[adultflash]

Barry gives Cisco a warm smile. “I know you did, and I’m so grateful you didn’t give up on me. It was six months here, but...so much longer for me,” he admits quietly, confirming Caitlin’s theory.

Then, he addresses Cisco’s question. “I don’t know if you know the term, or even believe in it, but my parents were soulmates. Connected through a bond. I never imagined I’d have my own, but then...when I touched Leonard’s hand, I felt this feeling that I’d experienced when he touched my shoulder last year. Almost like the lightning.”

He laughs a little, shaking his head. “I thought I was...broken, at first. That I’d come out wrong. But he reassured me that it wasn’t me. It’s us. And now I have to sort out if I still want to be with Iris. That’s what overwhelmed me.”

[thisismadfreaky]

"I would never..." there seems to be more to that sentence, but he eats the rest of his words. He's not going to be That Guy. His face falls a little at the confirmation of Caitlin's theory. "How much time?" He asks quietly, no pressure to answer actually resting behind the words. He can't stop the almost disbelieving smile from crossing his face, "You've met me, right? I mean, is there anything about me t hat says I wouldn't absolutely believe in soulmates? Come on..." He smiles a little at the mention of Barry's parents having that connection. Sounds right. The Allen's were kind of perfect, until they suddenly weren't. The last bit catches him a little off-guard though, and it shows in the way his face falters and he blinks, holding up a hand, "Whoa, hold up--" He leans forward a little. "You've felt this before now and you never considered it might mean something?" Earth to Barry, hello?! "One thing there that kind of confuses me is-- how does he know?" He squints a little. Leonard doesn't exactly strike him as the type to even know the definition of love, nevermind anything about how soulmates work.

[adultflash]

Barry just laughs a little at all of that, but it's a fond kind of laugh. He lets the unfinished sentence go, not pressing him for what that might mean. He knows Cisco would never, and that's all that matters.

He shrugs slightly. "I don't know, to be honest. How much time passed. It felt like years. Ages. Time is...different, though, in the Speed Force. And yeah okay, the whole soulmates thing is totally up your alley. You probably know more about it than me." Yes let's just...move right along from that whole years and ages thing. It's fine.

He sighs at the last couple of questions. "You've met me, right?" he asks, shooting the question right back at him. "It took my whole life to realize Iris liked me. I didn't consider it because I didn't think I had a soulmate. But he knows because Mick was his, which is a whole extra complicated layer of this."

[thisismadfreaky]

Cisco's face crumbles a little at Barry's explanation about time in the speed force. "Dude, that- that sounds awful... I'm so sorry," he reaches over and casually rests his hand on Barry's arm. "Maybe a little," he says, holding up his fingers in a small pinch, wide grin on his face. He lets out a laugh, "Yeah, maybe. Once or twice. But okay, point taken." He frowns a little as that sinks in a little. "Oh." Somehow, it makes so much sense, though.

[adultflash]

Barry gives him a grateful look for the touch. "No, I'm sorry. I didn't...I didn't want to tell anyone because I know you all worked so hard to bring me back. And I knew...when I came out before, and no one could understand me, Iris was worried that was all that was left of me. I knew I couldn't say anything. And I know it was hard for her, for all of you to cope with."

Then he nods as the realization sinks in about Mick. "We haven't really talked about...us. Being a thing. I'm not sure he even likes me like that. But I need to talk to Iris before I can even think about approaching that idea."

[thisismadfreaky]

"You don't have anything to apologize for, Barry." He shakes his head a little, "You would be my best friend, no matter what. Cuckoo bananas Barry and all." He nudges his shoulder lightly with his own, hoping the gentle teasing isn't too much. He nods a bit, "Yeah, definitely. I mean-- what are you... gonna tell her?" He's more worried about how she'll react, if he's honest.

[adultflash]

Barry just gives him an amused smile for the teasing. In a way, it helps. He returns the shoulder nudge in acknowledgement. "Thank you, Cisco. And before I slipped again, I wasn't really sure, but now...I think I'm just going to tell her the truth. About me, and about him. And it's not just...all that. Ever since I got back...it's felt like she's been expecting me to be someone I'm not. I feel like if she really knew what I felt, what I wanted...she won't want me anymore," he says, with a weary sigh.

"Tell me I'm not crazy. At least, you know. With that part," he adds, sheepishly.

[thisismadfreaky]

"Yeah," he nods a little, "Truth is probably the best... I just," he steeples his fingers and sighs, dropping his hands down to his lap. "I hope she isn't too harsh about...whatever reaction she has to it?" "You're not crazy." he assures him. "She did great, when she first stepped up after you left, but it's like...she became somebody else since then." he shakes his head and gives Barry an apologetic look. "I barely recognize this version of her, if I'm completely honest." He really hates his own brutal honesty sometimes.

[adultflash]

Barry nods sadly. He actually appreciates Cisco's honesty right now, because it's something he knows he needs confirmed. It's why he wanted to talk to him about it, above anybody else. "I think part of it is my fault. She's upset with me for leaving her, because I didn't talk to her about it first, and I understand it. But I tried to explain that it wasn't about us...I have a whole city to protect. Sometimes I can't spend five minutes asking her if I've made the right choice. But she thinks we're both the Flash, now, and I just...I don't know how to handle that."

[thisismadfreaky]

"You can't....blame yourself for how she reacts to things, Barry. It's not your fault. She has every ability to control how she reacts. That's, like, the only thing you can control, your own reactions. Not other people's actions, or emotions, or reactions...you know? Just yours."

He shrugs a little and reaches for Barry's hand, idly playing with his fingers. "As- as much as it sucked, and I hated every second of you being gone..." There's a pause and he smiles a little. "As a wise old wizard once said, 'There will be a time when we must choose between what is easy and what is right.'" He nods a little, "You did the right thing, Barry... going into the speed force was the right choice. For the city, maybe...the world."

[adultflash]

Barry laughs, tangling his hand with Cisco's and letting him fiddle with it. It's a laugh that's both fond and weary at once. "Thank you. I've needed to hear that, more than anything. Because...going through all that, and coming back and hearing that it was wrong, I just..." It hurt him, more deeply than he could admit for awhile.

"Ever since I've come back she hasn't trusted my decisions, and while maybe I do need to be better at listening sometimes, trust has to go both ways, doesn't it?"

[thisismadfreaky]

"I will tell you...a thousand times, if it'll help, dude." He says, pulling on Barry's hand to tug him into another hug. He doesn't care how much reassurance Barry needs, he'll be there for every second and step of it.

He pulls back and shakes his head. "I dunno, man. I think... I think she got used to--" he waves one hand. "calling the shots and she's run with it." He shakes his head a little. "We are not The Flash. We are a team...but you, my friend, are The Flash."

[adultflash]

"It might, actually," Barry replies, moving right into the hug. He can't help the way he clings to him again, reluctant to let him pull back when he does. He nods at the explanation, and when Cisco says they're a team but he's the Flash, a sound that suspiciously sounds like another sob comes from his throat.

"Sorry, I just...it means so much..." Yeah, he's crying again.

[thisismadfreaky]

Cisco notices the reluctance and smiles, adding, "And, hey, anytime you need a cuddle buddy, you know where to find me." He gives a still-version of finger guns at Barry, hoping mostly just to make him smile. But then he's crying and that's totally the opposite and Cisco smiles at the choked out words. "It's okay, man...I'm here. Whatever you need, okay? And...if it goes bad, after you talk to Iris? Just come over to my place and we'll-- work through it, okay?"